Slow Burn
by givemesomevamp
Summary: Even unconditional love has its limits. AU/Breaking Dawn/ OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Rated M. It's gonna get dark up in here. This is AU/Breaking Dawn.**

**AN: Something a little different for me. We'll see how it goes! Much love to my beta, Stitchcat, and my pre-readers, JaspersBella and Hammerhips. *mwah***

**Prologue**

She whispers tomorrow will be better.

Her heart breaks and her body shakes, but she closes her eyes and whispers because she has to believe. She has to believe that tomorrow will be better. The daylight will bring relief. It has to. It's the way of life. The world will keep turning though hers may not - though she doesn't think it should.

Sitting against the bathroom door with her knees pulled up to her chest, just to have something to hold on to in a world that felt terribly lonely, though she can practically feel their concern from across the house.

Damn it.

She can't catch her breath. The simple in-and-out eludes her.

Breathing becomes a war she's not sure she wants to fight. "What a selfish thought," a voice that sounds like her father whispers through her mind, but she's sure it won't be her last moment of weakness tonight. Selfish or not.

Tears stream down her face as her very soul weeps. Her arms tighten around her knees, aching to hold the baby they now never would. She was empty as her womb, and all she could do was weep. Weep useless tears, serving no purpose.

Her palms press against her eyes, begging them to stop running, begging them to stop seeing a future she'd only been able to envision for the past few weeks. As bitterness takes root somewhere deep inside her, she can practically taste it on her tongue. In anguish, she cries out, only to shove her fist in her mouth to stifle the sound before she draws more unwanted attention.

"Stupid," she chastises herself.

To hope for what was a tenuous dream at best. To dare to go beyond that hope and dream. Stupid for envisioning that moment when Carlisle, in full scrubs with his chest swelled with familial pride, would pass her her baby to hold for the first time; their baby.

Every minute bowed over the toilet the last few weeks were worth it to her. Every dizzy spell, every second spent on the floor with a cold rag pressed on her forehead due to the dizziness was worth it to her. Until now.

Not now when she was left with nothing but pain, and the thoughts of what might have been.

He took something that he had no right to take. It was her choice, not his. Now, she'd make him pay.

Standing, wiping the last tears she'd shed in sorrow over what was taken, she turned on the water and splashed her swollen face.

If it was the last thing she did in her time on this Earth, she'd see him burn. And then she would mourn.


	2. Remember

**Warning: Rated M for dark themes and my damn potty mouth.**

**Beta'd by the one and only and FABULOUS stitchcat. LOVE HER! Many thanks to HammerHips and JaspersBella who encouraged me to post this fic.**

**AN: We're backtracking a bit here, so bear with me. Much of this (for the next few chap) is actually from Breaking Dawn, so it might be a bit repetitive. **

**There will be NO imprinting of the fetus or any other newborns in this fic. It's creepy.**

**Thanks to all who reviewed! Every one of them was MUCH appreciated! **

**DISCLAIMER: Twilight is S. Meyer's work and a lot of lines in this CHAP are HERS or damn close to it. None of this story is meant as a copyright infringement. **

* * *

**Chapter 1: Remember**

Fire.

All consuming, all encompassing fire flowed freely through her veins. With each stuttered pump of her sluggish heart, the flames fanned further and further and the last human part of her was that much closer to its final end. An end it welcomed with arms wide open.

The flames ignited like kerosene fed them but this was no flash fire. No quick destruction. She was in for the slow burn. The length of time didn't lesson the pain, but this was what she'd signed up for. She would writhe in hell for three days if it meant that she could destroy the one she hated above all else. She would grit her teeth and smile through the screams and pure agony, knowing she would soon do much worse to him and all who had dared to help him.

Thoughts drifted in and drifted out unfinished but the heat always remained. Never waning but occasionally surging. Higher and higher it rose.

Her body was lit and there was no turning back, but she had a reason. Whatever it was seemed trivial under the torrential heat.

No.

Never trivial.

There was a reason and it was her- her everything.

_Oh no! I can't think…I don't know what my everything is or was…Oh God! I- I lost my everything!_ Her thoughts echoed around her expanding mind. Twisting and tangling bringing raw panic.

The walls were closing in on her. She gasped, struggling for each new breath, and then she screamed. Screamed for what she'd lost. Screamed in pain and screamed in her panic. The wail that ripped from her chest sounded foreign to her ears, and rang long after her voice had given out and no breath supplied new sound.

_Was all of this for nothing?_ She whipped her head from side to side trying to escape herself and find the same.

A voice floated toward her from across the abyss threatening to swallow her and made her pause. "Bella, remember. Remember why you're here. Remember why I'm here. Pull up your human memories and try to focus on them or you might lose them or _him. _Remember, babe. Please."

The deep bass of the honeyed tones soothed her. She wanted to listen to the voice. She needed to listen to it.

She focused, thinking back to the beginning of her end: their end.

* * *

Bella placed her hand on her baby bump and waited for the next nudge. Tears of joy welled in her eyes and made their way down her checks again. Carlisle had confirmed what her heart already knew was the truth: they were having a baby.

"Bella?"

She turned, wary of the coolness in his voice and the hardness in his eyes. He looked empty, void of anything she wished to see right now.

And then he saw that she was crying.

"Bella!" He crossed the room in a flash and put his hands on her face to soothe her, but he stepped back minutely when she tried to lean into him for comfort.

"No, no-"

He wiped the tears streaked down her face gently away with the pads of his thumbs. "Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. You'll be fine. When we get there Carlisle will be ready. We will take care of this, and you will be fine."

"Take care of this? What do you mean?" She asked, confused.

He leaned away and looked me her the eyes. "We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Don't be scared. I won't let it hurt you."

"That thing?" Bella gasped. Her heart plummeted into her stomach, which was rolling and she struggled not to retch on her beloved. How could he say such a thing? She covered her stomach, trying to shield their baby from the cruelty of the one who was supposed to protect him- protect them.

He looked away from me, toward the front door. "Don't worry, Bella. We will get that thing out of you," he reiterated on his way to let whoever our visitor was in and fresh tears streamed down my cheeks.

Just then the naïve shutters she'd hidden behind for the past two tempestuous years burst apart and she opened her eyes to the bright light of revelation shining all around. She realized something that would make all the difference, or should have. Edward had just called their baby a thing and he wanted to destroy it. Nothing she said was going to change his mind.

He'd read her tears as well as he had read her mind, and as usual, he was wrong with the best intentions.

No, this was not her Edward. He was just scared. If she just gave it some time, he would see. He'd understand, she thought.

Maybe it was just the acceleration of the pregnancy that had him panicked. Carlisle could reassure him surely. The quicker they got home, the better. This was not some 'thing' or evil spawn; this was nothing more than their child and nothing less than a miracle.

Again, Bella marveled over the picture her mind had drawn of her little nudger. A tiny bundle with Edward's eyes- green as his had been when he'd been human- nestled fair and quietly in her arms. She hoped he was an exact duplicate of her Edward: a mirror of his perfection. Their entire family gathered around to ooh and aah at their little man and to squabble over who he should be named after and who got the first turn babysitting.

It was funny how entirely this vision possessed her. From that first nudge, her whole world had shifted. Before that moment, there had been only one thing that she absolutely could not live without, and now there were two. Her love was not divided but simply multiplied. If anything, her love for Edward grew because he had given her a precious gift that she'd never thought she wanted but no longer wanted to be without. Their son would complete their family, their coven. Their happily ever after was at hand, why couldn't Edward understand?

He had always hated that by choosing him, Bella had lost her chance at motherhood. But motherhood was something she had never wanted. Until now. Now, she wanted this child; their child. And somewhere deep down, he did too. She knew he did. She also knew that she could do this; they could do this together. Until she could open his eyes to the miracle happening in her lady parts, though, she needed an ally.

Immediately she knew who she should call.

* * *

Her invisible pyre surged once more and she relished the pain, grateful to be brought away from deceitful memories by any means, but more determined than ever to retain every thought and feeling: everything. The good times are what made the treachery hurt that much more. Her tattered hope and destroyed faith now fueled her rage.

She would burn and she would remember.


	3. The Call

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! They're much appreciated.**

**Beta'd by Stitchcat and pre-read by HammerHips.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight franchise. This story is based off of her work and her lines are scattered heavily throughout these first few chaps. No copyright infringement**** is intended.**

**Slow Burn**

**Chapter 2: The Call**

Her invisible pyre surged once more and she relished the pain, grateful to be brought away from deceitful memories by any means, but more determined than ever to retain every thought and feeling: everything. The good times are what made the treachery hurt that much more. Her tattered hope and destroyed faith now fueled her rage.

She would burn and she would remember.

* * *

Edward was nothing but a blur once the sputter of the maid's boat engine faded into the distance. Bella watched him in a daze, with one word that had been sighed quietly looping in her mind: _morte._

She wouldn't be scared off by a stranger's superstitions – even a well-meaning one such as Kaure. Bella had not survived the last two years and come within arm's reach of everything she'd ever wanted just to die. No, death would not be her fate. Now if she could only convince Edward of the same …

She needed time and she needed help.

If only she could get a few minutes alone… If this situation wasn't life or death, Bella would have rolled her eyes at herself and the absurdity of her present dilemma. Since first sight, Edward had possessed her mind and her soul and, in her dreams, her body as well. Now, all she wanted was him to leave. Well, she wanted him to be happy, to be excited about their child. She wanted him to love their child, love the family they were becoming. For him to see the same wonderful, picturesque future that played clearly in her mind.

_Alice and Rosalie bickering over what outfit to dres__s the baby in … Jasper reading to him with his bloodlust non-existent … Emmett throwing her squealing babe too high in the air while she herself shouted at him to be careful … Both of her copper-topped boys sitting side by side on a piano bench as Edward g__ave his son his first lesson …_

But, for now, she would settle for a minute unsupervised.

Bella started to move toward the bathroom, only to be stopped by Edward's hand on her shoulder. What once had been a welcome touch felt far too restraining; oppressive. "Where are you going?" His voice was a whisper of pain, and she could only imagine what was going through his head. Probably much the same as had been in hers: _morte _… Except he lacked her faith; faith in her and faith that all would be as it should. Faith that this child she carried would complete their family in a way none had ever dreamed.

"To brush my teeth again."

"Don't worry about what she said. It's nothing but legends, old lies for the sake of local entertainment," he said, smiling a small smile that was in no way reflected in his stone-cold eyes. She had to reassure him. She knew he was in so much pain at the thought of losing her, and his pain hurt her, but for once, she wouldn't give _anything_ to take it away. Their child would not be a sacrificial lamb like his mother.

"Oh, I didn't understand anything," Bella told him. It wasn't true, but it was what he needed to hear. He was absurd to think she would discount something because it was a legend, though. Her life was encircled by legends. They pressed in on her from every side and they all were based in truth.

No, she didn't deny that there was truth in all of Kaure's words and all her looks, but Bella believed she could do this. Their child would be born healthy and happy and loved, and she would live to prove Edward wrong. There was no room for doubt among her faith and determination. Edward was worrying enough for three. She would be strong enough for all of them.

"I packed your toothbrush. I'll get it for you." Edward walked ahead of Bella into the bedroom.

"Are we leaving soon?" She called after him, feeling her time running out.

Edward waited for her toothbrush so that he could repack it, pacing silently around the bedroom until Bella handed it back to him.

"Edward —" she began. She wanted to plead with her love. She wanted him to lay his hands on her new bulge and feel their baby. She wanted … things that he wasn't ready for. Folding her hands over her stomach, she searched his eyes for any sign of _her_ Edward. She found none.

"Yes?" He asked, furrowing his brows.

If she couldn't have her Edward right now, maybe she could finagle her few seconds alone …

"Could you … pack some food? You know, in case I get hungry again?" She asked, grimacing. It was a flimsy attempt but it was the best she could come up with.

"Of course," he said, his eyes suddenly soft. "Don't worry about anything. We'll get to Carlisle in just a few hours, really. This will be over soon."

_This?_ _How could he be so flippant about their child!_ _Their baby wasn't a splinter to be dug out and disposed of unceremoniously! _She grit her teeth and shuddered. Bella took a deep breath to try to calm down, reminding herself how scared Edward was. She nodded, trusting neither her voice nor her ability to hide her disgust.

Edward turned and left the room with one big suitcase in either hand.

Bella whirled around to snatch up the cell phone he'd left on the counter in his shock. It was unlike him to be so forgetful; careless. He was so stressed he was barely himself. That was their only problem in her eyes: Edward wasn't himself.

She flipped it open and scrolled through the pre-programmed names, afraid every push of a button or accelerated beat of her heart was going to give her away. She wondered if he was at the boat by now or if he was already back and waiting on her. Would he hear her from the kitchen if she whispered? But this may be her – _their _- only chance and she had to take it.

She found the number she wanted, one that she had never dreamed she would ever need to call. She pressed the send button and prayed.

"Hello?" the voice like golden wind chimes answered.

"Rosalie?" she whispered. "It's Bella. Please! You have to help me!" She said, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes as she rubbed her stomach, hoping to calm its churning.

"Bella? What's going on? Hold on." Bella took a breath but just listened as wind whistled through the phone. "Sorry, I had to get out of earshot. There is no privacy among vampires, you know. Now, what's going on? Carlisle is in his office digging through ancient texts I don't even recognize the language on. Esme is oblivious and off cleaning something, but Alice paced around for an hour, answering no questions – just mumbling - before she took off to be alone. Normally that's her and Jasper's code for outdoorsy loving, but she went alone this time."

"I'm pregnant, Rosalie," Bella murmured. It had just occurred to her that maybe Rosalie, the snow-queen who was so envious of humans it bordered on hatred, might not have been the right person to call in this situation. Bella shook her head and pushed on frantically. This was no time to worry about Rose's feelings. She could make amends later. "They want to take my baby, Rose! Please! You have to help me!"

Silence.

"Rose?"

"I'm - I'm here, Bella." She sounded … off somehow, but her next words were firm, commanding. She was back. "Who wants to take the baby?"

"Edward. He thinks the baby will kill me. He said Carlisle is waiting. Rose, please don't let them do this._ Please_," her voice broke with the sobs she was trying to hold back.

"Bella, calm down. No-one is touching you or that child, do you understand me? _No-one_. Now, what time does your flight get in?"

"I'm not sure. Edward said we're leaving as soon as he gets everything loaded. I'm scared."

"I know, Bella, but listen; nothing is going to happen to you or that baby. Emmett and I will make sure of that. Now stop stressing out. It's bad for the baby." Rosalie chastised her lightly.

"Ok, I'll see you then," Bella whispered, "Oh, and Rose … ? Thanks." She pushed the end button, feeling the weight that had been pressing her down, lift slightly. It was only a little, but what a difference sharing this amazing, incredible burden made. Her baby would be safe. That was all that mattered.

She had no clue that he had heard her every word, had counted every tear that had fallen. She would find out soon enough.

* * *

"Ahhhhh!" she screamed, not for the pain the perpetual pyre she laid upon was inflicting, no, but for the naïve hope that had fostered a pain that eclipsed the burning she was feeling now. A pain that rent her soul and left it but a pile of smoldering ashes to be spread by the first brisk breeze.

The loss devastated her, the betrayal by her most beloved deepened the wound, and her shattered, tattered hope finished her off.


	4. Flight

**Beta'd by stitchcat and pre-read by HammerHips.**

**Slow Burn**

**Chapter 3: Flight**

"Ahhhhh!" she screamed, not for the pain the perpetual pyre she laid upon was inflicting, no, but for the naïve hope that had fostered a pain that eclipsed the burning she was feeling now. A pain that rent her soul and left it but a pile of smoldering ashes to be spread by the first brisk breeze.

The loss devastated her, the betrayal by her most beloved deepened the wound, and her shattered, tattered hope finished her off.

* * *

_Swosh._

_Oh dear God, please m__ake it stop!_ She pleaded silently as the tremors in her abdomen slowed and gentled. She stayed on her knees with her forehead pressed against the toilet seat she'd first sanitized and then tainted. Her head was spinning like the water inches below. She felt every bump and swerve the jet made. The air itself was now her enemy. If only she could stay here for the rest of the flight…

But no. Edward was waiting just beyond the door that read 'occupied'. And with that thought her hand found its home on her baby bump. She hadn't seen him follow her, but she felt it. She could practically feel his stress through the thin, plastic barrier, but she wasn't ready to face him yet.

_Was this really what their life – their marriage – had come to? _

She took a steadying breath, released her handful of tangled hair, closed the lid on the small alter she'd been praying at, and pulled herself up on the small vanity. She rinsed her mouth out and watched the water trickle down the drain, thinking as she neatly folded her warm, moist towelette. At the airport in Rio she had noticed their destination was DFW. "Just a layover," he'd assured her, but he wouldn't answer her questions about when they would be home. He just kept repeating, "This will all be over soon, love," with few variations.

She wanted to ask _what_ would be over soon, but she didn't. She nodded and she held her tongue like she had done so many times in their relationship. She told herself it was because she didn't want to make a scene in public. After all, what would she do if he went catatonic-vamp again? If some unwitting, good Samaritan checked his pulse, she was afraid they would have to go through with an actual funeral for him and come up with an explanation of how rigor had already set in.

She told herself these lies, and she knew them for what they were. She accepted them for what they were because she could not stand here - in a tiny water closet in the sky - and acknowledge for even a fraction of a thought or a blink of her puffy eyes that he, her Edward, would want to harm, to ki – _No!_

One thing at a time, she thought as she ran her perfect square of thin cloth under the cool running water. She turned off the faucet and gently wrung out her wipe and hid it in her palm, disappointed that she couldn't put off facing him any longer and eager to put on the best face possible under the weight of his doubt.

She could do this.

She had to.

Women have been having babies since the beginning of time. How was this so very different? A sharp nudge to her side caught her off guard, knocking the breath right out of her and reminding her why this was different. It didn't change anything though.

A soft knock sounded on the door that had shielded her moment from his predatory gaze, "Bella? Love?"

She cringed as she straightened up. Her nudger had just caught her off guard, that's all. He meant no harm. And truthfully, it wasn't the baby within that caused the wince, but the monster waiting to take him…all the while calling her "love".

The thought turned her stomach. Her face felt hot. Warm, overly-salty saliva flooded into her mouth.

And just like that she lifted the lid and hit her knees with only seconds to spare before the stomach acid shot out of her mouth and her stomach convulsed. Violently. Over and over and over again. There was nothing in her to expel, but that didn't stop her sore muscles from trying. She put her now-crumpled, cool cloth on the nape of her sweaty neck, while she gathered her hair in the hand not cradling her baby and settled on her knees to just ride it out, secretly grateful she got the temporary reprieve she had hoped for.

...

"Love, it's time to wake up," Edward cooed. His cool, sweet breath felt heavenly on her face. She opened her bleary eyes after only three tries and he smiled, "Alas, the sleeping beauty stirs."

Looking around, she noticed that they were the last ones to get off of the plane aside from the crew itself. She began to stretch out, trying to ease her stiff, aching muscles, only to stop fully-extended when she realized that this was not the same plane they had been on when she last closed her eyes. This carpet was blue; the first's had been a crimson, she was certain. She remembered thinking that it reminded her of James' eyes. These seats were as wide as the others and just as plush, but tan leather replaced the off-white. She looked at Edward with wide and panicked eyes, and he placed his hand on her flushed cheek.

"I had to help you through the airport when we caught our connecting flight. I tried to wake you, but you were simply too exhausted." Her forehead wrinkled, as did his. Each lost in their own thoughts. If he had walked with her through a bustling airport and she didn't remember any of it, then maybe he was right. She obviously needed the rest. This pregnancy was taking more out of her than she realized…but not more than she was willing to give.

She sighed and leaned into his palm, relishing in his skin against hers once more. He had hardly touched her since they found out the news. She drank in this small, stolen moment, knowing they would be few and far between once they stepped off of the plane.

As his lips brushed her forehead with only the slightest contact and stood to grab their carry-on bags, she had no idea how true her sentiment would prove to be.

It took two minutes and many stumbled steps through the terminal before she realized they weren't in Seattle. They weren't at home. Where were they... She dropped the hand gripping hers and stopped dead in her tracks as a disembodied female voice rang through the speakers.

"Welcome to the Greater Rochester International Airport." The voice kept babbling but all Bella heard were the words she feared sealed the fate of her precious unborn.

They weren't in Seattle, and she could expect no help in this foreign place.

* * *

Flares sparked from the sea of lava flowing through her. Each cauterizing a new place in her chest.

Her arms.

Her legs.

Her face.

* * *

He slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her forward.

"Edward, wh-where are we?" she mumbled, knowing he would hear her just as well as if she'd screamed it like she wanted to.

"Carlisle is meeting us here. Trust me, love. This will all be over soon," he said, lifting her slightly with the arm ensnared around her, much closer to their baby than she wanted it. One squeeze and he could…_NO! _She writhed in his grip but he kept moving them forward. Her feet barely brushing the industrial carpet on her way to her own personal hell.

Rounding the corner, where unsuspecting humans waited listlessly for their luggage, they came face-to-face with her executioner: Carlisle. His kind, compassionate eyes doing nothing to assuage the overwhelming fear clogging her throat and fogging her mind.

* * *

She howled with the unexpected upsurge of heat, knowing her body would soon reflect the state of her soul.

* * *

But it was Edward's turn to stop in shock.

Standing fiercely, only five feet from his father, was her savior – her protector. Bella flew out of his grip and into the waiting arms of Rosalie.

* * *

Hard.

Cold.

Dead.


	5. The Walk

**Thanks to my beta, Stitchcat, and my pre-reader, the ever-encouraging, HammerHips.**

**Slow Burn**

**Chapter 4: The Walk**

Flares sparked from the sea of lava flowing through her. Each cauterizing a new place in her chest. Her arms. Her legs. Her face.

She howled with the unexpected upsurge of heat, but knew her body would soon reflect the state of her soul.

Hard. Cold. Dead.

* * *

She peeked at her husband from the safety of Rosalie's arms as they walked away from the males and toward the parking lot without a word. Bella could only imagine the mental darts Rosalie was hurling Edward's way, though. She envisioned them to be quite colorful and not entirely undeserved.

She buried her head back into Rose, trying not to think about what Edward had hoped would have occurred after they landed. Did he think she would have just surrendered under their superior strength and numbers? Or a more disheartening question: would she have yielded? She thought of Carlisle's calming presence and Edward's golden eyes…

"It's all going to be okay, Bella," Rose whispered into Bella's hair and, here in her arms, she believed her. Rosalie's arms tightened carefully around Bella as she half-dragged her to the parking garage, but for the first time since this ordeal began, Bella felt safe and she fell limp in Rose's embrace. Exhausted.

Bella's head bounced slightly as she watched the lights pass by. She wondered if she was even conscious. When the automatic doors slid open and the slightly cooler air hit her, she knew she was still hanging on. However, Rose had her doubts about that fact and lifted her easily, cradling her without any effort at all - much to the astonishment of the few passersby – and made her way to a flashy red BMW hidden behind a familiar behemoth.

"Is she-" Emmett's naturally boisterous voice was surprisingly somber, tamped down with concern for his newest sister. Bella smiled slightly, but was hit by a wave of nausea that made her too afraid to open her eyes, much less her mouth, as she willed the meager amount of juice and crackers in her stomach to stay put.

"She's going to be just fine," Rose said, sitting Bella gently on the hood of her beloved BMW with one of her frigid hands on Bella's forehead, and the other on the back of her neck, as Bella put her arms over her rolling stomach and continued her internal chant.

_Please don't let me throw up on Rose! Please don't let me throw up on Rose's shoes. Please don't let me throw up on Rose's car. Please help Em put that super-speed to use when the chunks start a'spewing. Please don't let me puke on__ Rose!_

Eventually the turmoil calmed, and Rose placed Bella on her feet so that she could climb into the plastic-covered backseat. Bella shot Rose a questioning look, and Rose just shrugged. "I love you, Bella, but this car is _my_ baby," she said as she climbed in the passenger's seat, tossing Emmett the keys with a no-nonsense look.

Bella looked out of the window as the engine purred to life, and caught sight of Carlisle and her husband watching them from across the lot.

"Just sit back and try to relax, Bella. I warned them to stay back." Rosalie assured her, while narrowing her eyes in the males' direction.

Bella closed her eyes as Emmett took off and rounded the corners like he was on rails. Bella decided to assume he'd used such speed for her benefit, and tried to decompress until the worst of it had passed. She felt some of the stress leaking away as they put distance between themselves and the airport, and she sunk into the crinkly seats. Strangely, it reminded her of her Granny Swan's couch, except without the scent of moth balls and decay.

When they hit the open road and her stomach was as settled as it was going to be for the time being, Bella started wondering what they were all doing here, while simultaneously and purposefully ignoring how close she'd come to failing to protect the wee one inside of her.

"Been a busy girl, huh Bells," Emmett laughed, turning around to waggle his eyebrows deviously while flashing his eyes from her baby bump to her eyes. As if on cue, the blush she was infamous in the Cullen household for spread across her cheeks and down her neck, warming her chest.

A white blur flashed quickly, smacking against his head, and he turned to watch the road while grumbling weakly. Bella smiled gratefully at Rose, who had not spared Emmett even a small glance as she examined her make-up in the mirror on the passenger's side visor.

"R-rosalie?" Addressing her was still intimidating as high-heeled stilettos, Bella realized, but she forged ahead, knowing this was one of those awkward insecurities it was time to put away. "How did you know where we'd be? _I _didn't even know…" Bella trailed off, wiping the tears from her _love's_ betrayal away as quickly as they fell.

"Bella, don't take this the wrong way, but you seem to forget what we are sometimes, and our many abilities. I, unfortunately, never do." Her words were hard but her tone was nonjudgmental.

"I'm sorry?" Bella said, confused but in no doubt she'd screwed up at some point of 'Operation: Save Bella' and risked her son's life. Rosalie rolled her eyes dramatically and huffed.

"Now that you are married, I feel the need to pass along some of my wisdom. Never apologize unless you are absolutely positive that you are wrong and that you cannot get someone else to take the blame." Bella sat back, imitating a seasick fish while Rose continued briskly, "When you called me, Edward overheard and went to plan b." Emmett growled lowly, muttering words Bella couldn't understand, and was almost certain she didn't want to. "Emmett McCarty! If you dent my wheel, there will be consequences," Rose snapped before returning to the conversation at hand.

"I figured he would try_ something,_ I just didn't know what. I followed Carlisle when he left the house to 'pick up the honeymooners'. He didn't even tell Esme or Jasper what was going on. I grabbed Emmett for some extra muscle," Rose said, winking at her husband, "And we wound up here."

"So, it was my fault for calling you -" Bella murmured, pummeling herself for her stupidity.

"That's enough of that," Rose ordered, narrowing her eyes at Bella in the mirror. "The only thing that is your fault is your poor choice of mate." Bella started to protest weakly, but Rose kept rolling right along. "You did good calling me."

She paused and spoke so softly Bella wasn't sure if Rose had wanted her to hear, "You're giving this coven the most…precious gift any of us could ever have asked for."

Emmett reached for her hand as Rosalie closed the mirror on her sad but flawless countenance, and she laid her head on his broad shoulder, with their joined hands resting on his thigh. Jealousy pierced Bella from watching their tender, bitter-sweet moment.

Edward should be here holding her hand. Her palm caressed her bulge as she thought about choosing between the two of them. It was no competition, but that didn't render the consequences any less painful.

She closed her eyes willing the tears of want not to fall and cursing her raging, unstable hormones and her unkempt thoughts.

Seconds. Minutes. Hours later – for all she knew - she awoke to a phone chirping and her stomach churning as they bounced down a gravel road so thick with trees Bella couldn't make out if it was night or day.

Words were quickly and quietly spoken and the conversation was over before Bella had the chance to be truly curious.

"Listen, Bella. That was Jasper. They're all waiting for us in the dining room," Rose shot her a small smile as Emmett muttered, "Too bad. Esme really likes that set."

"What? I thought they were in Forks?" Her head was spinning.

She was tired.

"I spoke to them once I realized where Carlisle was heading. Jasper and Esme: they are here to support you. I am confident," Rose offered another small smile and turned away. There was one member of the family Rosalie seemed to have forgotten to include.

She was confused.

"Where's Alice?" She asked, not sure if she could handle the answer.

"Oh, she's there," Rose stated darkly. "Jay said Edward and Carlisle are already waiting, too."

She was…_done_. It was too much.

Hyperventilation. Bella clawed at the seat, the door, her eyes, trying to breathe around her swelling panic but nothing helped as they pulled to a stop not fifty feet in front of a three-story brownstone.

"Bella!" Rose was speaking somewhere, but she just had to get out!

_She wouldn't lose -_

"Think of the baby!" And just like that, she froze. "Come on, Bella! Open your eyes and breathe. You can do this! I know you can. Just look at me!"

Bella opened her burning eyes and saw Rosalie's big, beautiful topaz ones full of compassion and confidence waiting for her. Every exaggerated breath Rose drew, Bella mimicked until she was back in control of herself.

"You are my sister and you are not alone," Rose breathed, resting her forehead against Bella's briefly and her shaking hand ever-so-gently against Bella's growing bump. "And neither are you," she whispered.

Looking from Rose to Emmett, whose features were set and eyes were hard, Bella felt like maybe she _could_ be strong. She was one of them: a Cullen. Now it was time for her to act like it. She straightened up and exited the car on wobbly legs. Emmett steadied her, but he seemed to understand that this was a walk she needed to make on her own two feet.

And she did.

She walked, flanked by two determined vampires, with her head held high into the fight of her life. Her life and so much more…

* * *

She let loose a haunted scream of pain and wrestled beneath the steel hands restraining her…so very similar to another pair that had done the same.

Curses and cries and venom flowed and yet, she still burned.


	6. The Waiting Game

**A/N: Beta'd by Stitchcat and prereading duties done by HammerHips. Much love, ladies. I couldn't do this without ya.**

**Slow Burn**

**Chapter 5: The Waiting Game**

She let loose a haunted scream of pain and wrestled beneath the steel hands restraining her…so very similar to another pair that had done the same.

Curses and cries and venom flowed and yet, she still burned.

* * *

The heavy door shut silently, disturbing only the palpable tension in the house. It was stifling. It was raw and, somehow, it fit the moment. Anything less would have been disrespectful to the lives hanging in precarious balance.

In the dining room the lines had been drawn. Invisible but tangible. Esme's long, grand table sat as the only neutral ground. On the right sat Edward and an empty chair to his right, and in the next sat Alice. She was hunched in on herself with her face scrunched unpleasantly and her fingers affixed to her temples. She seemed lost in her own world. Too much so to worry about anyone else.

At the head sat Carlisle. Esme was standing behind him slightly to the right – one hand rubbing Carlisle's shoulder and one on Edward's head that he had cradled in his hands. She and Carlisle both wore sad, small smiles. Both seemed to have aged in the last few weeks, which was an impossibility. But, then again, so was a vampire having a natural child mere days ago. Bella no longer used that word: impossibility.

She allowed herself to be guided to the empty left and sat in between Emmett and Rose. Jasper stood propped against the wall adjacent to the foot of the table, with his arms crossed and a blank expression. Bella took but a moment to nod at him with a mixture of regret, sympathy and gratitude, acknowledging that she understood - or at least_ tried_ to understand - what it took for him to even be in this room so rife with turmoil.

If Edward was surprised she rejected the seat next to him, he hid it well. One of the many things he excelled at. Esme, however, looked taken aback. Whether by the situation in its entirety or her seating choice, Bella couldn't tell.

Carlisle looked around at each of his children gathered. He sighed and cleared his throat quietly before beginning. "I would like to start by apologizing to everyone – especially you, Bella - for my part in the events that lead us here. There was just no evidence to suggest that pregnancy was a viable risk. I am sorry I did not warn you."

"_That _was not your fault, Carlisle," Bella mumbled. Because it was true. Because that was not what she believed he should be apologizing for.

"Now, the reason for this family meeting is to discuss the…the _fetus_ and what measures should next be taken."

"Oh, you mean we get to discuss it now that your plan to force an abortion failed?" Rose asked coolly, tapping her perfectly manicured nails on the table.

"Rosalie," Esme chided, but her heart wasn't in it. Esme leveled a look at Carlisle that would have forced lesser men into the fetal position.

"Oh, Esme, you know it's true! What if it were you-" Rose's tirade was cut off.

"Enough!" Bella had never seen the mild-mannered leader of the Olympic Coven lose his calm façade, but in that moment, he looked almost frightening. Almost like a vampire…

"No. It's not enough,_ Dad_," Rose sneered. "You take too much liberty, and for once you should be held accountable." Bella had a feeling Rosalie was no longer talking about her or the baby.

"Give it a rest, Rosalie. You're a vampire. Deal with it!" Alice chirped suddenly, though her face kept that same scrunched expression, her eyes had begun to take a disturbing, frantic look. Emmett hissed in warning and Jasper made to push off the wall to defend his wife until Esme spoke.

"I think we are getting off topic here." Everyone hesitantly settled back in their figurative corners and Carlisle cleared his throat, once again composed.

"Right. Now, we will hear from Edward and Bella on the matter and then if anyone else has any additional concerns, we can discuss them _calmly_."

"The matter?" Bella repeated numbly. Not feeling _nothing._ Feeling everything to such an extent that she could no longer process. She absentmindedly ran her hand over her sore abdomen, where her nudger had been casting his vote during this discussion as "the matter" reverberated through her.

"I still don't even see why we're talking about this! This is Bella's choice!" Rose shouted.

"Because she doesn't make the best choices when it comes to self-preservation," Edward argued, suddenly coming to life.

"You mean she doesn't make the ones you would make for her," Emmett added, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, shut it, Em! We all know Rosalie wears the boxer-briefs in your relationship," Alice quipped, throwing her hat into the ring.

And Bella sat still in the midst of the chaos swirling about.

"We have no way of knowing what that _thing_ that she is carrying even is! I refuse to allow her to forfeit her life just because she has a soft spot for every _monster _she comes in contact with," Edward growled.

"Bella is a human being with thoughts and feelings all her own, Edward! Not some slave for you to boss around and Alice to dress," Rose shot back. And on and on they continued, speaking about her as if she wasn't there, which was only partially true.

The next thing she processed was Edward's exclamation, "For God's sake, Emmett! This is nothing like the birth of Jesus!"

Alice snickered and Rose shook her head sadly as Emmett tried to defend himself. "I was only thinking of a similar controversial birth years ago."

"I hardly think that is relevant-" Carlisle interjected wearily, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Of course not. It didn't come from one of the gifted, chosen ones," Rose muttered bitterly.

"I don't see how it falls short of relevant," Emmett persisted. "Everything else has to do about God around here. I mean we're not changing the love of Eddie's life because we're just soulless, damned creatures." Edward growled. "If you don't like it, Eddykins, then stay outta my head," Emmett spoke slowly, smiling wickedly and running his tongue over his razor-sharp teeth. It was an open challenge.

Under Emmett's flattened hand, the table groaned and a split spidered out along the grain. He moved his hands back into his lap and had the sense to mutter an apology to Esme before turning back to sneer at Edward. Esme stared wide-eyed at the spot where a hand print now warped the beautiful grain of her elegant table, muttering about "Victorian marquetry", "antique" something or other, and what sounded like either an obscene amount of currency for a single group of furniture or a social security number.

Bella began to come out of her stupor as their argument raged. She was sweating. It was too hot.

"It's should be _Bella's_ choice!"

"Oh, you wouldn't be saying that if you didn't want to get your hands on that _thing_ in her. You don't care whose life you ruin!" Alice huffed.

"She is my wife, Rosalie!"

"That could change," Rose stated coolly, examining her nails.

_NO! _Bella thought but she couldn't muster up the strength to open her mouth. She was dizzy.

"That's quite enough Rosalie and Edward. I think we're getting off topic here," Carlisle sighed, pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He looked so much like Edward that Bella ached. His words finally broke through the fog that had descended upon her.

"Is that all our child is: a topic? Another family nuisance to be voted on? To be disposed of?" Bella choked on the words.

Edward's jaw muscles flexed as he looked to Carlisle for help.

Finally, Jasper spoke quietly from his place holding up the wall, "It shouldn't be, Bella. We know it's a life. We can hear the flutter of its little heart. It's a cryin' shame it's come to this, but the crux of the matter is that there are strong arguments on both sides and this is something that impacts all of us. What you're carrying – the child - could endanger each and every one of our lives." His tone and his eyes apologized for his honest words and the need for him to say them.

Alice hopped up, nodding fervently. "That _thing_ is blocking my vision!" Seeing little sympathy around the table, she continued, "I can't _SEE_! I can't see! That means we could all be in danger and I won't be able to warn anyone! Don't you understand?" She stomped her foot, before sitting back down, wrapping her slender arms around herself, and then she began to rock back and forth.

Silence reigned, but not for long. Hisses and growls and blurred words - spoken in foreign languages for all Bella knew - flew around the room. Jasper was holding his hands up in surrender. Alice was still rocking, but added a high-pitched keening sound to her girl-interrupted portfolio. Emmett was aiming his sneer and heated words toward Carlisle this time, while Esme, periodically, tried to calm one or the other down.

Bella looked to Edward and their eyes locked. The noise faded to the background as she tried to see a path to his side.

Bella let Jasper's words wash over her as she stared at her husband - her mate – across this cold table, across an abyss she wasn't sure they would ever be able to cross together. Their child was made in love. There was no way that he could be evil. This child could fill a void in Esme and Rose, too. He could mend things where nothing else could. And beyond all, he would be loved. The Cullens were proof that vampires could control themselves when raised right, and their baby was part human, after all. He was one of a kind, sure, but was that fact _alone_ reason to fear him and his potential?

"Edward," the arguing stopped. The only noise breaking through the ice in the room was her breath. All eyes turned to watch her as she stood and walked shakily around the head of the table, despite Rosalie's protests. She knelt down in front of the man who a day ago had held her heart irrevocably in his hands for his sole keeping for the rest of her eternity.

"I love you, Edward, and I _know_ with every fiber of my being that you love me too." She said, fresh tears making paths down her pale cheeks. Edward pushed his chair back and dropped to his knees beside her, desperately gathering both of her hands in his.

"I do, my Bella. With-" but she cut the proclamation of his devotion off with a finger on his lips. He needed to hear - to truly _hear_ her - finally.

She spoke to him gently, sweetly, the way lovers sometime do. "You have been my world for so long and I was happy with that – beyond happy, really. You and your family filled an emptiness in me that I didn't even know I had until you came along. Carlisle values your opinion, and neither he nor Esme want to risk disappointing you or, heaven forbid,_ losing_ you. But I'm telling you now, Edward, this child," she tried to pull their joined hands to her stomach, but he jerked away, shaking his head, clearly appalled. "This _child_ is ours, and my love for him is just as pure and every bit as strong as it is for you." Bella looked up and searched through all the eyes fixed on them for the pair she wanted: Jasper's. He nodded, kicking his foot and wearing a hole in the imported tile beneath the toe of his pristine hiking boot. Alice squealed in frustration, and Jasper muttered a curse. Everyone knew how much he hated to disappoint his Alice.

Bella continued, staring into her husband's anguished, pleading eyes. "Please, don't make me choose between you two, Edward, my love," she breathed as she leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on each of his eyelids. "You will not like the outcome."

He bowed his head in defeat and she ran her fingers gently through his unruly, bronze mop before sighing. She spared one more look for her beloved, pulled herself up using the ledge of the table and the last of her fleeting strength, and walked out of the room to await their verdict.

* * *

Then, she had waited in ice for answers. Now, she basked in an inferno awaiting her revenge.

Yes. This was all just a sick game she never wanted to play.


	7. The Verdict

**Beta'd by stitchcat and preread by HammerHips. **

**Slow Burn 6: The Verdict**

Then, she had waited in ice for answers. Now, she basked in an inferno awaiting her revenge.

Yes. This was all just a game she never wanted to play.

* * *

Upstairs, she collapsed on the first soft surface she saw through the first doorway she stumbled into. Her waning energy was tapped and there was no resisting the allure of sleep. Her human weaknesses only seemed magnified at a time she wished for nothing more than strength. Strength of body. Strength of mind. Strength for her breaking heart…

Her dreams held none of her hopes or the visions of the future she wanted, no. Instead, monsters she knew from her visit to Italy, and some she didn't recognize, flitted in the shadows. A black line advanced on her in their billowing robes. Their red eyes shining in anticipation and their lips pulled back in cruel, cold smiles. She clutched the bundle hidden in the palest blue baby blankets to her chest and ran. She stumbled, but – for once - didn't fall. She cried, but the babe in her arms stayed silent until she rounded a corner into a narrow alley and stopped to catch her breath.

The stitch in her side was painful, but the panting passed and the pain would as well. She slowly lowered the babe in her arms so that she could see his precious curls, but as she undid the blankets with shaky hands, the bundle she had been carrying fell flat. Empty.

She kept pulling blanket after blanket but there was no baby.

"Bella! Wake up!" Rose shook her gently. She inhaled to scream but it sounded only in her mind as she woke face-to-face with the standard of all beauty. "Bad dream?"

Bella just nodded, hoping the images – the _feelings_ – would fade as sweet dreams always did after waking. Rosalie scooted back and Bella sat up to hear the verdict as her panting stopped. Her breathing stopped altogether.

"I told you there was nothing to worry about," Rose said haughtily, but the slow, creeping smile making its way across her lips contradicted her tone.

"We're safe?" Bella asked, shocked. Too shocked to be truly relieved…

"Well, I wouldn't say we're out of the woods _yet_, but no-one is going to try to take your baby. Carlisle has always upheld family votes. And I'll be right here by your side until the end to ensure he continues that practice."

"Rose, who…" She started to ask who had voted against them, but she changed her mind just as quick. "No, don't tell me. It doesn't matter. We're safe." Tears that shone in her eyes seconds before fell in rivers as she sobbed, cradling her nudger the only way she could for now. She, once again, found herself in the cool embrace of Rosalie.

_The worst is over_, she thought. Now she'd have plenty of time to help Edward and any other nay-sayers see the light. She was…overwhelmed.

Everything had happened _so_ fast after she realized she was pregnant. Processing had been shoved back in the light of threat and the effort to merely survive. Too much regarding her future was up in the air. She was ill and exhausted and scared and excited and so many, many other things in many degrees tangled and entwined together…

Overwhelmed summed it up nicely.

After she calmed down, she dislodged herself from her own personal guardian angel and began to wonder for the first time, "Where's Edward?"

"He went out for a bite," Rose said smoothing her hair back, but not looking Bella in the eyes.

_"Rose?"_

"He just needed to go off and commune with nature." Seeing Bella wasn't buying what she was peddling, Rose continued, "Look. He'll go pout in a tree, find a mountain lion who's a really _good_ listener to whine to, and finish his wellness sabbatical with a nice, brooding soak in the first puddle of water he finds. Then, he'll be back."

"I hope so." Bella rubbed her chest. The hole – the one that always hurt when he was gone - wasn't as bad as it normally was, but it was still there. A reminder of how much she needed him, of how she _wanted_ him…

"I know so. He just needs some space to re-inflate his massive ego and sense of self-importance. Speaking of space, we'd better get you to your room. You could use the rest and I'm sure Jasper is ready to sound the retreat from Alice and her endless shrieking," Rose winced slightly. Bella wiped her face in her hands, which did little good since they were just as wet and slick with snot as her face was, and she listened. Over the gunfire of one of Em's video games, she heard what sounded like a peacock mating downstairs. She looked to Rose, confused.

"Alice doesn't like it when she doesn't get her way, and honestly, it doesn't happen very often. Don't worry. She'll get over it. As Carlisle says, 'Times of trial are prime opportunity for great personal growth'," Rosalie imitated with eerie accuracy, rolled her eyes and helped Bella to her feet. Bella looked around and noticed the room for the first time.

The walls, where visible, were midnight blue as were the curtains hanging over the single, large window hidden behind thick, wooden blinds. Bookshelves made of walnut lined the walls and were full of more books than Bella had ever seen outside of a library or Carlisle's office. The furniture was simple brown leather, just a loveseat and two chairs with an old trunk between them serving as a coffee table with a few outdated copies of _Vogue_ and _Teen _magazine resting on top. There were two end tables where more books were stacked and propped in the corner, stood an old six string.

"This is Alice and Jasper's room?" Bella asked skeptically. There wasn't one bit of frill or extravagance here. Aside from the magazines, the room didn't feel like anywhere Alice would be. No massive closets. No shopping bags in the corners. No pink _anything_. No diamond-studded frames with posed pictures of elaborate weddings, just a simple wooden frame on the round end table with a black and white snapshot of Alice, smiling peacefully with her eyes closed, on what looked like a gingham picnic blanket by the edge of a sparkling lake somewhere.

"No, this is Jay's study," Rose continued in a whisper, like this was hot gossip - though they were both well aware everyone would hear her every breath regardless. "Esme started making him his own space in the early eighties. Alice has a 'big personality' and Esme felt that this would give Jasper a way not to lose himself in her. Of course, Em calls it his indoor doghouse, but whatever. The point is Jasper is going to need it tonight."

Bella had a feeling his trouble with Alice – whatever it was – was her fault. She only had a chance to feel it for a second before she felt the guilt siphoned out of her and replaced by a strong sense of giddiness. Suddenly, Bella erupted in a fit of giggles and doubled over. She tasted the acid on her tongue and felt the pull of her sore stomach muscles. She was going to toss her crackers any second now, but she couldn't stop laughing.

In a flash, she was scooped up and leaning over a pristine pot, spewing stomach acid and the meager munchies she'd managed to keep down.

"I'm sorry, Bella. God! I was just tryin' to stop your guilt." Jasper winced with every heave and reached beneath the vanity to pull out a rag. He ran it under the water and passed it to Rosalie who was holding back Bella's listless hair with only a small look of disgust. Rose gently wiped the sweat from Bella's neck and ran the cloth along her forehead and cheeks while the heaving slowed, scowling at Jasper who was watching timidly through squinted eyes from just over the threshold.

"S'okay, Jasper," Bella rasped, closing her eyes and lying her head on the seat in front of her. A second later, she was floating in the muscular arms of another. She couldn't open her eyes, and sleep beckoned her once again. She felt so good in her post-puke euphoria that she didn't even want to fight it.

"To the guestroom right next door, Jasper," Bella thought she heard Rose murmur from somewhere…

"You'll be-" She'd never noticed how soothing his voice was before…

"Of course. She won't leave my sight." And with that, she succumbed to the deep slumber her body and mind both needed.

* * *

"That's my girl," a voice she wanted to go toward murmured. "Remember." A strong hand gripped hers and she cried out.

She didn't want to do this anymore.

_No more burning. No more pain. No more remembering..._

_

* * *

_**A/N: By some strange fluke, I've been nom'd in the Twilight Walk of Fame Awards that the Twinklings blog is hosting. Oh! And The Quiet Room too! Voting starts today, so... By the way, there are tons of fab authors and stories nom'd: Lifelesslyndsey, HammerHips, the author formaly known as Vampish Vixen, and IdreamofEddy just to name a few. If you're a noncanon reader, go vote for you faves! **

**Ummm, but first, review please...**


	8. Hindsight

**Beta'd by stitchcat and pre-read by HammerHips.**

**Many thanks for the reviews! *fistbumps all around* I've been short on time this week (Why, yes! That is a broken record you hear playin' in the background...), but I want y'all to know that I _do_ appreciate you taking the time to read this little fic and push the button.**

**Slow Burn **

**Chapter 7: Hindsight**

"That's my girl," a voice she wanted to go toward murmured. "Remember." A strong hand gripped hers and she cried out.

She didn't want to do this anymore.

_No more burning. No more pain. No more remembering..._

She wrenched open her bloodshot eyes and he hissed at the fresh wave of pain and despair that pounded into him.

"Please! No more! _Kill me_!" she pled through the screams. Tears of blood ran from her eyes, coloring her pale cheeks and her mouth that was frozen open in horror crimson. His eyes mirrored her pain as he grit his teeth and gathered her in his arms.

"There's no going back now. You're strong and you'll come out of this with a body that symbolizes your inner strength. I won't let you quit on me." She closed her eyes to get away from the hurt in his, and she lost her way.

Images and sounds tangled and fled before she could understand them and she roared in frustration as they flashed by.

* * *

_Claire de Lune_ played gently on tinkling keys. Edward walked away in the forest of Forks so long ago. Shriveled. Crumpled on bracken… Galloping along on the back of a rusty colored werewolf with her hand fisted in his mane… Lying on a bloody wooden floor, splayed at an awkward angle with a vampire bent over her, ready to drain her life…strapped to a hospital bed by cold hands and firm leather… Writhing.

Static-filled screams... Sun shone and the whole family played on a creek bank back in the woods. White. Reflections from their skin blinding. She marveled at each… Diamonds and lace. Trudging through the mall with Alice talking in circles. Everything moving too fast. Going too slow. Store after store and clerk after clerk… Yanked out of Edward's arms and plunged into the cold, mountain water in a cage made of Emmett's python-like arms. Surprise… It was the first time she'd ever heard Rose chuckle in her presence…Breathless.

Colors swirled as nightmares and memories, dreams of a future not to be and the faces of those she considered family collided.

A dressing room. Black robes encroaching. Feathers. Stacked books. Red eyes leering. Warm water. Esme. Golden Eyes. Fire. Cold hands. Pain. Growling. Volvo. Edward. Alleyways. Wind-chime laughter. Rings. Towering men. Vows…Broken.

Tears in her father's eyes… Charlie. Beer. Badge. Shotgun…A boat where two men sat while she waded in mud. Her face painted for war…Jake. Howling accompanied by frantic squawks and wings beating a quick getaway into a grey sky…Pink. Tutus on ballerinas. Envy of cardboard grace. Blue. Elephants and polka dots… Incessantly demanding.

_Alice. _

* * *

"Get pissed. That's right..."

* * *

"Wake up, sleepyhead! We have so much to do!" Bella peeked out from under heavy eyelids at her annoying sister.

"Alice, she needs her rest," Rose said from behind the cover of her Redbook. Alice huffed and pranced with a thick binder to the foot of the bed, where she hesitated, shifting from one foot to the other in a very awkward and very human manner.

"What's wrong, Alice?" Bella asked, not fully awake yet. The sunlight flooding the room suggested it was already afternoon and she was shocked Alice had waited that long to wake her. Bella moved to sit up…a bit too quick. The room tilted dangerously, and she lay back panting, counting the seconds until she could open her eyes again.

"Bella?" Alice actually sounded concerned. It was disconcerting having the all-knowing one rattled.

"She's fine. Just trying not to ruin Esme's down comforter probably. It's normal this early in the pregnancy," Rose answered.

"I am so not missing that part of being a human," Alice muttered before clearing her throat slightly. The sound reminded Bella of a bird hiccupping.

"Just spit it out, Alice," Bella sighed. Alice's leg brushed the bed slightly with every bounce, but the tremor was anything but slight to her sensitive stomach and her now-pounding head. A cool breeze flowed through the bedroom door bringing Esme with a tray of crackers, several juice glasses half full of different liquids, and a horse-sized pill.

"First things first, girls," Esme said, balancing the tray on one hand and propping a very woozy Bella up with the other. "Nibble on a couple of these." Saltines are about as appetizing as anything else, Bella thought, taking one and doing as she was told. "Then choose one of _these_," she said, presenting the tray in a very Vanna manner. "And _sip. _Hopefully, we can find something that you will be able to tolerate."

_That would be nice…_

"And last but not least: your prenatal vitamin." Bella's nose wrinkled. There was no way she was going to be able to choke down that behemoth… "Sorry, dear. Doctor's orders," Esme said sympathetically.

Rosalie snorted and Esme shot her _the_ look. The one all moms come equipped with and is equal parts terrifying and astonishing. Bella tried the first glass. It was clear, but the bubbles indicated it was something besides plain tap water.

_Ah, Sprite._

"With your permission_, Bella_, Carlisle would like to examine you this evening. He's reaching out to his former colleagues in the area to see what equipment he can borrow, and what we'll have to procure through alternative ways…" she trailed off, lost in thought.

Bella was thankful for whatever had captured her attention because it gave her time to process this information. Carlisle wanted to examine her? Well, it was only logical since she couldn't exactly look in the Yellow pages for an OB specializing in mythological hybrids. Would it be acceptable knowing that he had schemed with Edward to terminate the very child she would be placing in his care for the next indefinite period of time? She didn't know what to feel, honestly.

Then Bella looked at Alice – still shifting from foot to foot, holding a book overflowing with pastel paint chips and fabric samples. This entire week had been a shock for everyone – not just Edward and not just herself. For beings who never changed, she had upended their world more times than she cared to count in the last couple of years, and each time – most of them – handled it with grace and love. These were the people she planned to spend her eternity with. No, they weren't perfect, but they were family. She loved them more than enough for a second chance. Bella didn't know if she could do this whole "birth" thing without their support…she didn't know if she wanted to have to.

_And just in case, I have Rose…_

"Carlisle will tell you this himself – I'm sure - but he knows that conspiring with Edward was wrong. He's sorry, Bella, he really is," Esme's golden eyes pled for understanding and Bella couldn't deny her it. The last few days had been nightmarish. She was beyond ready to put it all behind her - to wake up and start her new life.

"I'll be glad to have him look us over, Esme," Bella said sincerely, convinced she was finally within reach of that ever-elusive happily ever after. "Who better to look after your first grandchild?"

Shining eyes, squeals of delight and laughter abounded. Esme was speechless, but slowly moved her hand over Bella's abdomen until she hovered right above her bulge. Her eyes flashed anxiously to Bella's and she whispered, "May I?"

"Of course," Bella breathed. Esme's hand settled easily against her nudger, and when he gave a little kick her eyes lit up with joy. Suddenly, Bella gasped. A horrible thought had just occurred to her.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked, at her side at once.

"I…well, I-" her blush flared and she found the white, cloud-like comforter extremely interesting.

"Wow. Look at her cheeks! Come on, Bella. Spill!" Alice giggled, echoing Bella's impatient demand from earlier.

"It's just that…I've never had a _full_ exam, and…and it's _Carlisle,_" she groaned miserably, only to invent new shades of crimson as bellowing laughter rang throughout the entire house.

Esme was the first to recover. "Don't worry about that. He's a professional. Although I have to say – this will be a first for him as well." She tried to hide her amusement behind her hand. She wasn't successful in the least, so she gathered the tray and the one empty glass, leaving the others and the intimidating pill on the nightstand, and made her exit.

Alice shuffled forward with her features beginning to scrunch, "Bella, I-"

"It's fine, Alice. Really," she nodded. "Besides, I owe you for the trunk of lingerie and itty-bitty bikinis you packed for Isle Esme."

"They did work remarkably well, didn't they…" Alice said, trailing off before all three of them collapsed into giggles, which led to more puking and more saltines. But it was…nice to have such a care-free moment with her best girlfriend and newest sister.

"This is going to be so much fun, Bella," Alice trilled. They lounged around, looking at the many samples Alice had gathered for the nursery, until her headache got too much to bear and she skipped off with a pained, apologetic smile and her binder - off to do whatever it was Alices did when not actively shopping.

* * *

LIES! Lies coated in sugar. Smiles on loving faces barely hiding the scheming in their eyes. But hindsight was twenty-twenty. Now, she knew beyond a doubt. Through and through, they were as cold as their skin. She'd warm them in her fury.

"That's it. Just remember..." the voice said as he laid her back on her pyre and kissed her forehead.


	9. The Examination

**Beta'd by stitchcat and pre-read by HammerHips. Many thanks for their quality control on this ride.**

**Slow Burn**

**Chapter 8: The Examination**

LIES! Lies coated in sugar. Smiles on loving faces barely hiding the scheming in their eyes. But hindsight was twenty-twenty. Now she knew beyond a doubt. Through and through, they were as cold as their skin. She'd warm them in her fury.

"That's it. Just remember..." the voice said as he laid her back on her pyre and kissed her forehead.

* * *

"There he is," Rosalie huffed. "Bella, Carlisle will see you now," she said in an eerie Stepford-receptionist tone before giggling at Bella's terrified expression. "Hang out with a werewolf? No problem. Marry a vampire? But of course. A perfectly normal exam that women worldwide face daily? You balk and tremble like a credit card-reader facing Alice."

"Where's Edward?" Bella asked, walking shakily into the makeshift medical suite.

"Who cares," Rose muttered, and Bella half-heartedly chastised her.

"I do, Rose." Turning around, she was face-to-face with an examination table. The stirrups? Already locked and loaded. Carlisle sat at the desk, busy reading – or Bella assumed that's what he was doing, though he could have just been flipping through – a thick, leather bound book with yellowing pages. He stood and smiled as they joined him.

"I know my son, Bella. I assure you he _will_ return, but I am afraid we cannot wait for him. I would like to be able to get a better picture of what is going on with the fetus." He smiled kindly as he passed her a thick terrycloth robe. "I'll wait outside while you undress. Everything please." Seeing her blush spreading rapidly, he hastened to add, "Would you like Esme to be here for you?" Rosalie huffed, narrowing her eyes at their surrogate father.

"I'm here, Bella. Don't worry." Bella offered Rose a small, nervous smile, but her reassurance fell flat. What Bella really wanted was Edward…or maybe even Renee would have been nice. As Carlisle turned to leave, she thought about accepting his offer of Esme's hand to hold but she hesitated, not wanting to offend Rosalie after she had done so much for them.

The door closed, she clutched the robe to her chest and whispered, "I'll be fine." And she believed it…or at least she tried her best to.

* * *

"Embarrassment? What I wouldn't give to be in your head right now…"

* * *

Bella had showered – twice – before coming in here, but with her legs spread akimbo to the gods and, well, a man who looked like one, she knew it wasn't enough. With so many vampires in the house and her precarious balance, razors were not stocked and her hair had grown since her trip to the spa a week before the wedding. That was a full month ago! She was tempted to apologize to Carlisle, but then she feared it would just draw his attention to something he might have not noticed otherwise…

_Oh, who am I kidding?_ She'd thought as she remembered standing nude in front of the mirror, drying off earlier. _It looks like a ne__stled porcupine who changed his mind about his recent Mohawk. Definitely in its awkward stage… Holy Crow! Is that a stretch mark? _

Instead, she threw her hands over her eyes and ignored the cold hands going where only Edward had been…a very few times. She thought of anything else: cupcakes, airplanes, trees, vampires and their love of the color white – anything to keep her mind off of the business of her down-under.

Carlisle stayed relatively quiet, only giving an instruction now and then: scoot closer to the edge, spread your knees, might feel a little bit of discomfort…but other than those words of comfort – nothing. "Hmmm." Bella heard the snap of latex gloves and felt Rose's cool presence beside her, so she decided it was time to uncover her eyes.

"What is it?" Rose asked quickly, as Bella looked between her and the vampire emerging from between her knees, which she snapped shut as soon as he was clear.

"Nothing of importance yet, Rosalie. I want to wait for the ultrasound to confirm my suspicions." Carlisle extended the end of the bed and Bella stretched her legs out with her knees carefully locked together. He covered her lower half with a warm, white cotton blanket and opened her robe to expose her stomach. He measured her this way and that and said nothing aside from a few numbers and an occasional hum. "You're measuring sixteen weeks, Bella. And you said your last day of menstruation was?"

That was a date Bella remembered. After she answered him, he sat still for what seemed like an extraordinary length of time, but was – in fact – mere seconds. "I would hazard a guess that the date of conception was on your wedding night." He cleared his throat before hastily adding, "The one _not_ spent on a plane. However, we will have to record your growth daily in order to understand the rate that this pregnancy is progressing. By any measure, its growth is accelerated. Now, let's see if the fetus is photogenic, shall we?" Carlisle said, attempting to use some of that bedside manner he was well-known for, and to his credit, only missing his mark by a hair.

After half a bottle of cold goo and a rather sore midsection, Carlisle gave up the hopes of more information through medical technology and passed Bella a towel as he put away the useless machine. Bella was just disappointed that there would be no pictures. Apparently, her baby was as camera shy as his mother. _He'll have to get over that quick with aunts like Rose and Alice,_ she thought, smiling slightly.

"Where _is_ Alice?" She asked aloud to no-one in particular, but Carlisle was the one to answer.

"The fetus continues to block her. She keeps trying to search for possible outcomes, but she's developed the vampire equivalent to a migraine. Her mind is full of static, she says. I can imagine it is quite frustrating, but she refuses to stop trying to use her gift. Even Jasper's pleas went unheard. I fear we have _all_ been dependent on her gift for far too long."

"Oh." Bella didn't know what else to say, but as she wiped the goop from her abdomen, she was reminded of another very important question. "Um, Carlisle, does the venom during the change repair stretch marks?"

He chuckled and tilted his head, "Esme says, 'Yes. It does wonders.'" He shook his head and his demeanor shifted. The room took on a razor edge, and even Rose stood up a little straighter to listen as Bella covered up and braced herself. "I am concerned about _your_ health. It is apparent without a scale that you have already lost fifteen pounds, which would be dangerous under any circumstances in such a short amount of time, but it is even more troublesome now. The fetus is growing and its heart sounds healthy; therefore, I am going to assume for the time being that it is getting the nutrients it needs." Bella breathed a loud sigh of relief, and Carlisle narrowed his eyes.

"_You_, however, are not. My training says you should be hospitalized, which is not an option, and given fluids intravenously, which is fortunately something we do have at our disposal."

"That would involve a needle, right?" she asked timidly.

"Yes, it would. I understand your…_aversion-"_ Aversion, hell. She was terrified.

"Uh-uh. No way," she interrupted. Looking from one rather imposing vampire to the next, Bella took a more pleading approach. "I mean, I'm sure the morning sickness phase is almost past. Can't we wait just a while longer? I'll be a good patient," she tacked on hastily, batting her lashes.

Carlisle held out for only a breath more, before he muttered something about "women" and Bella knew that she had won…this round. "We can wait, but, in the meantime, you will take your prenatals-" Bella opened her mouth to protest, but he just kept right on. "Like a _good patient_. You will restrict your activity and let Esme and Rose pamper you like I know they are dying to do. You will stay hydrated and try to eat small portions at least six times a day until you start gaining your weight back."

Neither his tone nor his expression left room for argument, and so she gave none. "I would also like to try an amniocentesis-" Bella blanched. She was familiar with the procedure because of a seventh-grade teacher who had been expecting twins and apparently had never heard of the concept of TMI. Bella remembered the pictures of the ruler length needle and the puncture wound on Mrs. Shares-too-much. Her stomach convulsed and as she tried to sit up to prevent throwing up all over the pristine sterile room, her little nudger gave a kick like none other up to this point. The pain took her breath away and tears sprang forth.

"Bella!" Rose called, alarmed. Bella wanted to tell them that she was fine – that he'd just caught her by surprise – and she would, too. As soon as she could speak.

Soon, the room was flooded with concerned vampires, even Alice stood peering into the doorway. "I'm fine," Bella gasped. She shifted to smile at them, because that would prove her words true – she was certain – but as she did, her robe slipped open. Where her stretch mark had taunted her earlier shined an already-purpling bruise. Emmett and Jasper hissed and looked away as Bella hurried to cover back up. Carlisle shook his head sadly.

"He just doesn't know his own strength," Rose said defensively, urging Bella to stand up and show just how "fine" she was. "It's Carlisle's fault for upsetting her."

"If you had only let me finish," Carlisle snapped at Rose before the whole room was blanketed in calm, and he took a deep breath. "I was going to say that since the amniotic sac is closer to our skin than the thin membrane in normal pregnancies, it would be impossible."

"Sorry," Bella muttered though she noticed no one except Alice was glaring in her direction, and Bella couldn't decipher whether it was meant for her or just a by-product of Alice's insistence to look into a future she shouldn't be prying in to. Still, she apologized and still, she felt on the edge of serious water-works. The likes of which would probably traumatize every male – vampire or not – within a three square mile area.

At that very second, a lullaby pierced the air. Bella's heart stopped in anticipation…until Esme lifted her cell phone and Bella realized it was nothing more than a recorded ringtone. And then Esme said the words that should have changed everything. "It's Tanya."

* * *

"On second thought, it's much safer out here," her guardian angel said from between clenched teeth.

If but for a breath, her searing pain had nothing on the heat of her anger.

* * *

**A/N 2.0: This little fic got it's first rec on The Fellowsheep of the Peen site! *squeee* Many thanks to Jasper's Destiny for showin' it some love!**


	10. Determined

**Many thanks to Stitchcat for betaing and Hammerhips for prereading. They are the little umbrellas in my fave drink. They just make everything better. *le sigh***

**Slow Burn**

**Chapter 9:**** Determined**

"On second thought, it's much safer out here," her guardian angel said from between clenched teeth.

If but for a breath, her searing pain had nothing on the heat of her anger.

* * *

"I'll take it, Esme," chirped Alice, reaching for the phone like a viper for a field mouse, but Carlisle's strike was quicker.

"If you don't mind, Alice, I believe it is for _me, _since last I checked I am still the head of this coven," he said flipping open the phone. As Alice reluctantly stood down, Bella started to wonder who was going to translate for her. Under normal circumstances being the only hearing impaired one in the room was merely annoying. Today, it was totally unacceptable.

"Rose," Jasper said from his position near the door. Immediately Rose spoke up in a voice that Bella would have recognized at once as Tanya's, even if Esme hadn't announced as much when the generic ringtone that Edward had recorded for Esme seemingly years ago broke through the uncomfortable moment they were having. Rose's voice took on a gentler lilt, and though the tone was harsher than Bella remembered from their introduction at the wedding, the rhythm and ancient accent remained the same. Begrudgingly, Bella thought it was quite lovely, even if she was slightly panicked about why her _husband_ had visited a house of succubae while leaving his pregnant wife behind.

"Carlisle, what is the meaning of this?" Rose said lowly, parroting the conversation that held everyone's complete attention. Carlisle's face cinched tight, but his voice was calm and as neutral as Switzerland – pleasant, almost, as he responded.

"Greetings, Tanya. As you are the one who called _me_ perhaps you should be the one to explain. I do not know what 'this' you are referring to." Carlisle's eyes closed and his head tilted up a smidge, and Bella thought he seemed to be praying. For what? She never knew, but in that moment it seemed a prayer just the same.

His eyes snapped open and everyone grew silent. Still. The air was thick and Bella wondered what had been said, what she had missed. She looked to Rose but her translator had pulled a full-blown thinking-man too. Bella's heart raced as her throat seemed to close in on itself. Panic: that's what this reaction was called.

A million scenarios chased each other through her mind. Had something happened to Edward? Had he been hurt? Had the Volturi finally made good on their threat and descended upon their fairytale -esque world? Oh, gods! Had he decided to make another trip to Italy in his despair?

Maybe Edward had finally decided she wasn't worth all of this drama…Bella knew he liked to run to Alaska in times of trouble, but she foolishly, gullibly, naively thought those days were behind them. They were married. She had vowed those vows with every fiber of her being, despite the fact that a marriage had never been her desire, and he had done the same. For better. For worse. Together is what they were supposed to be.

There had never been any doubt in her soul that he was her other half, but then again, there had never been a thought of a problem that would send him seeking sanctuary in the North without her. But now? That is exactly where she found herself. He had fled from her once again. She would not – could not - give him what he wanted, and he could not –_no, would not_- stay. As the pain and guilt for being the catalyst once again to a phone call no parent ever wanted to receive and the familiar but unwelcome pang of abandonment echoed inside her, she swayed under the weight of this heavily-loaded hypothetical and her very real emotions. Jasper crossed the room in a blur, and gently grabbed her elbow to steady her. He slipped his arm around her, holding her and bearing all of her weight, and then leaned toward her to whisper, "Calm down, Isabella."

The shock of hearing him call her by her given name jolted her into a bit of alertness, but mostly anger. Anger at Edward for leaving, anger at herself for…well, she didn't really know, but something substantial she couldn't put into words, and anger at the man supporting her, who didn't really know her but had the audacity to tell her what to do!

"Calm down? Calm down! Don't you tell me to calm down! Tell me what she said and is still saying," she yelled, pointing at Carlisle, who was now staring out of the only window in the office with the palm not gripping his cell flat against the glass, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed low. "I may not be as smart or have built-in superhero attributes but I can see that everything is not okay and I most certainly will _not_ 'calm down'," she declared with acid dripping from the words she was flinging at one of the few people in the world actually on her side. She gasped as her nudger delivered a swift kick inside of her to something that felt very consequential, and as she tried to ignore the unintentional pain, her anger melted away and the panic she'd built up earlier stood ready and willing to fill in the vacancy. She gasped, "Where's Edward? Is he okay?"

"Won't be if the pussy ever shows his face around here again," Emmett growled lowly as he came to stand behind the statuesque Rosalie. He engulfed her in his giant arms and leaned in to peck her sweetly on the side of her neck, as Esme lightly chastised him about his language. In her confusion Bella looked to Jasper for some kind of explanation, since he seemed to be the only one willing to enlighten her, but the furrow of his brows and the dark shadow playing in the features on his face made her heart skip a beat and she instinctively took a step back. Of course, she moved further into his embrace but that's neither here nor there, because something in her reaction – either emotional or physical - tamed his tumultuous temper.

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply and slowly, and when he opened them again, the darkness had been wiped as clear as an etch-n-sketch was with just a shake. "Edward is _fine._" Bella thought he added something very quickly and quietly here because Emmett howled with laughter, nodding appreciatively, and even Rose broke her mold and cracked a small smile. When he continued, shaking his head at her questioning mini-glare, he seemed a bit proud of himself. "Edward is fine…for now," is all he said, extending a fist toward Emmett, which he, in turn, bumped as a small hiss came from the hallway. Jasper dropped his hold on Bella now that the danger of her passing out had passed, and her confusion and ire gave her energy to stay steady on her feet.

"I don't understand. What's happened? What did Tanya tell Carlisle? And…what did he say in return?" Somewhere in the back of her mind she just registered the fact that although unheard or even seen by her, there was a conversation occurring with two participants. A conversation, which she didn't think it was a giant leap to assume, would affect her uncertain future.

Esme rushed to her mate's side as he tensed. Rose's lips pulled back over her teeth suddenly. If this had been Bram Stoker's world, beyond a doubt Rosalie would be flashing fangs. Emmett, however, was already on damage control: tightening his hold around her and cooing sweet nothings into her ear as he swayed gently. Looking at them, Bella found herself abruptly jealous. Once again, there were no arms holding her together but her own. Although she had a passenger for the next however-long so she was never truly alone, it wasn't the same. Rationally, she knew she was beyond blessed, but in the moment she only wanted the comfort of the man who loved her. Not only wanted, no, she ached for his embrace.

The tears that pooled in her eyes had barely had time to drip from her lashes before she was engulfed in a hold not utterly unfamiliar.

She sobbed.

He shushed her.

His long fingers ran through her tangled hair and down her back over and over again until she calmed down, drying her face in the over-priced tee shirt stretched across his tight chest. His hold was strong as iron but as gentle as a breeze dancing through the wildflowers of Edward's meadow. He smelled _so_ good. All leather and hay and the air after a good rain, tinged with only the faintest hint of whiskey and a cigar smell she recognized from her limited time with Charlie as a girl. He'd quit lighting up years ago after she had sent him compiled reports on cancer of the lung and throat. Thinking of her loving father, who she may never see again face-to-face, spurned more tears but Jasper was right there through them all.

When her tears became nothing more than unsightly blotches mingled with snot streaks down his shirt, she sniffled quietly. It was only then that she remembered all of the others – her family – in the room. Bella turned her head slightly to peek out at their audience. They were all staring at her slack-jawed. She pushed away from Jasper hastily, trying to ignore the feelings of guilt re-emerging and the look of confusion and…maybe pain she saw in his eyes when she dared to look. The guilt was inevitable, the confusion was natural, but the pain she thought she had interpreted in the look was certainly imagined. Jasper had just been filling an intense need, she reminded herself, while gazing around the room for a much-needed change of subject.

"What has happened with Edward?" she asked the room as she stared at the vacant door her best friend had still not come through during this endless time. The unimposing hole in the wall seemed symbolic as she stared, waiting. For answers. For her best friend to prance across the threshold. For her beloved to come to her and stay by her side for their promised forever. Bella was weary and exhausted and nauseous and had no interest in living her life feeling like that wall with the gaping void or a piece of Swiss cheese – riddled with holes and left to grow stale as men kept taking their piece and leaving. First Edward, then Jake, and now Edward again. She sighed as she turned to focus on the problem at hand, and stuck a pin in these depressing, introspective thoughts to think again on a day less dramatic.

"Edward! Where. Is. He," Bella demanded. Carlisle stepped forward, a little timidly. In fact, it reminded her of a zoo keeper trespassing in a lion's den. My how the roles had reversed in Casa Cullen. She realized that he no longer had the cell phone to his ear, either.

"Bella," he began in a soothing, mildly condescending tone until her eyes narrowed further and he sighed. When he began again though, he spoke to her not as a child or a jumper on the ledge of a skyscraper, but as a full-fledged adult. He was still kind, his voice still soothing, and his looks practically oozed compassion, but that was just Carlisle. "Edward is physically healthy. Tanya did mention that he is not hunting as he should, but when his thirst demands fulfilling, he will no doubt succumb. I hope he doesn't wait too long…"

Carlisle drifted off. Bella imagined he was thinking of the possible lives that Edward was risking just by neglecting his body, but as callous as it seemed, hypothetical casualties whom she couldn't see and didn't know didn't bother her in the least. The fact that they didn't weigh on her conscience left her feeling unsettled, but she was desperate for information and no one was particularly forthcoming. She was getting impatient with their stalling – whether intended or not.

"Where is he now and what was he doing there?" Bella snapped. She closed her eyes trying to regain some semblance over her swinging emotions, but she soon gave it up as a lost cause.

"We do not know his location, but he seems to be on some sort of…mission to find something to change your mind about the fetus."

"The baby?" Bella asked shakily, hunching in on herself and feeling overwhelmingly dizzy. What did all of this have to do with the baby? She wondered as she tried to get her eyes to focus on something as the walls danced around her.

"Everything, I am afraid. The fetus has _everything_ to do with Edward's behavior." Bella was momentarily stunned by Carlisle's words, because she hadn't meant to voice that thought. With all of her waning energy going into not being sick and staying upright, she couldn't really expend anymore on her broken verbal filter. "According to Tanya, Edward attempted to enlist the aid of her coven by playing on their fears of the Volturi and broken laws." Seeing her tired confusion, Esme offered a quiet, two word explanation, but it was more than sufficient.

"Immortal children." Bella gasped. She recalled the tale of the Denali's sire, their mother for all intents and purposes, and her violent end. Tanya, Irina and Kate had only escaped with their lives because of their ignorance. In this case, they would not even have that to plead should the rulers come calling…

"But this is not the same! It's…not…the…same." Her breaths came as pants and the world tilted dangerously. Hard, cold arms caught her. Firm hands lifted and lowered her onto a softer surface than the floor she'd been on a crash course with. Cries of "Bella" reverberated like the inside of a bell chiming only her name but she couldn't focus on any one voice or on any one face. Her abdomen ached. Her stomach churned. She was hefted onto her side none-too-gently just in time for the scant stomach acid she had to shoot magnificently from her mouth. The heaving eventually ebbed, leaving her feeling completely drained in every sense, without even the energy to insist they pause for her to scrub the nasty out of her mouth. The back of her throat burned raw and for half a breath she entertained the thought that this might be close to what a vampire felt in her presence with the scent of her warm, fragrant blood pulsing, pulsing, pulsing right under her nearly-transparent flesh. If a cup of her blood would make this all go away, she'd gladly give it…

A cool breeze fluttered through the room before a blanket settled over her. It was a testament to the moment that she'd forgotten she was in nothing but a robe. She was just too worn down to care enough to be embarrassed. How she could be more drained when she thought she was empty before, she had no idea, but that didn't make the fact she was any less true.

Eventually, Carlisle continued, "When his initial approach was met with much more level heads than Edward expected, however, he changed his tactics." Another horrid sense of dread settled in her recently vacant stomach and Bella felt unpleasantly full without even the satisfaction of overdoing it on turkey and dressing.

"What did he do, Carlisle?" she asked dully, closing her eyes, wishing that when she opened them again this all would have been some long, drawn out nightmare. Couldn't fate just call a do-over this one time?

"He offered to help Irina avenge her mate, if they would help him-" Carlisle stopped cold, but Bella heated up quickly. The words he didn't have to say were hanging in the air as sure as if he'd written them on the walls in her own blood.

_If they would help him destroy his child_.

Sure, she had no doubt that her husband had phrased it much more eloquently but that is what it came down to, and it just dawned on her that he hadn't gone away to sulk and lick his wounds. No, he'd gone on a quest for assistance in his crusade against their unborn. The revelations hit her with all the force that heartbreak and betrayal could muster at their mightiest. Edward didn't care what she said or what the family had decided. Edward knew best. Always. He was never going to stop until he succeeded in the unmentionable or she survived the child's birth.

Bella gritted her teeth in an onslaught of determination. "How long?" she demanded, leveling her steely gaze in Carlisle's direction despite her fatigue and prone position, forgetting that they had not all been present in her epiphany moments ago.

"How long until you can safely deliver _my _child?" she reiterated. His shock was evident, but she could see the thoughts and calculations swirling behind his eyes. She looked to the other vampires in the room and noticed their looks of pride and fear and many things in between she couldn't grasp or didn't care to.

"I'll know more in a few days, but I would say less than two months." She looked to her protectors, her family, and nodded once. The last thing she saw before she reluctantly closed her eyes was Alice peeking into the room once more with an eerie emotionless mask that didn't suit her in the least.

All she had to do was make it two months…

* * *

She bucked and writhed.

Her pain making her impatient and her frustration at the memories fleeting like water through a sieve multiplying every irritant a hundred-fold. She kept trying to catch them, but the more she reached for them, the faster they seemed to flow away. She had lost so much already. Losing her purpose was unacceptable. She stilled her burning limbs by force of will alone and then dug through her mind for the memories she required to fuel her revenge.

Three feet from her left, she felt his approval wrap around her like a cocoon encasing her body, her soul, and the hell she was existing in.


	11. Deceit

**A/N: Special thanks to my beta, Stitch, who worked through a stomach virus to make this update happen. A full round of hugs and gropes to Hammerhips and Jasper's Destiny for giving me much-needed feedback as my pre-readers. And last but not least, thanks to you (reader who is probably skipping this A/N in the first place) for coming back yet again. Much appreciated!**

**Chapter 10: Deceit**

She bucked and writhed.

Her pain making her impatient and her frustration at the memories fleeting like water through a sieve multiplying every irritant a hundred-fold. She kept trying to catch them, but the more she reached for them, the faster they seemed to flow away. She had lost so much already. Losing her purpose was unacceptable. She stilled her burning limbs by force of will alone, and then dug through her mind for the memories she required to fuel her revenge.

Three feet from her left, she felt his approval wrap around her, her soul, and the hell she was existing in like a cocoon as he tried like he had time and time again to dissect how they had come to this point.

* * *

Deceit. Since Edward and Bella had come home with their unexpected news, the house was rank with it. Deceit. Layer upon layer, it filled every room, stretching to reach every nook and cranny, leaving no place to turn for respite, for a break from the emotional weight of the last few days or the weeks to come. He felt it pressing down upon him. Jasper rubbed the back of his neck and stretched out his legs in front of the leather chair he'd been parked in for the last several hours. Old human habits die hard, even if he was as far removed from being human as one could possibly be. What the venom hadn't robbed him of, his training under Maria most certainly had.

No, he wouldn't allow himself to reminisce right now, not with so many other emotions – true and false alike – hefted upon him. Each member of his coven was shuffling through their emotions like a nimble-fingered dealer with a stiff pack of Steamboats fresh out of the plastic.

Pride, anticipation, fear, submission, love, guilt, longing; Esme was busying herself in the kitchen. Even without his particular gift, they each had their tells. Esme fled to the kitchen or the drawing board when the family was struggling with something she couldn't just kiss better. Work was her escape.

Protectiveness, anger, alertness, love, excitement, anticipation and his perpetual, underlying lust; Emmett was downstairs immersed in the latest _Need for Speed_. Jasper didn't know how the game could hold even a fraction of Em's attention, but then again, perhaps that's the very reason he chose it. Emmett served as the family's self-appointed protector. But for everyone else's sakes he needed to appear unaffected, even in his vigilance. Emmett had been a favorite of Jasper's since first entering the Cullen Coven many years ago. Though some may mislabel his simplicity as stupidity, Jasper knew different. Emmett was simply transparent. What you see is what you get. Jasper found that to be a rare quality and one worthy of respect.

Disappointment, sadness, sympathy, nervousness, compassion, love, grief, remorse, and that ever-present current of hope, faint but still there; Carlisle was shuffling around in his office. Jasper could more feel his movements rather than hear them. The walls of Carlisle's office were as sound-proofed as possible in a house filled with supernatural beings. It wasn't perfect, but the sounds from within were muffled, and just the act of sound-proofing made everyone try a bit harder to play deaf to whatever happened behind Carlisle's closed door out of respect for their leader, and hope that when they were the ones on the other side of the door that respect would be returned. Of course, mischief happened. They were only vampires, after all.

Today, Jasper knew precisely what Carlisle was doing. It was the same thing he'd been doing since the family vote. He was searching for answers that didn't exist to a problem no one had ever anticipated. Under normal circumstances, Jasper tried to avoid the pitfall of reading too much into the emotions gleaned from the others in moments of solitude. It was impossible to know where their thoughts were, and thus impossible to guess the source from which their emotions stemmed. However, he hoped the remorse he was picking up was for his newest daughter, not his good-for-nothing-'cept-breeding son. Just thinking of Edward made Jasper's jaw clench and the venom pool in his mouth.

Nothing of Edward's behavior indicated that he was a man by any standard beyond the physical requirements, and even then there wasn't a lick of chest hair on the ninety-year-old. Jasper snorted. No matter how pissed-off his decision to vote pro-hybrid had made Alice, he wouldn't have changed it. He'd given much for his wife, and would continue to for the rest of his undead days, but he would not give what little remained of his conscience - a conscience that he (with the help and support of this very coven) had nursed back to health for decades before he'd even trust himself again. But he knew his own mind here. Bella was a member of this coven and soon would give up her mortality to join them for however long their eternity should last. How could Carlisle claim she was mature enough to marry and to give up her humanity, but not mature enough to know her own mind about the child? It was simply irrational. True that she did not know what would come to pass when the little tadpole made its appearance, but no-one did. Of course, therein lay the crux of the matter. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what the pansy-ass Victorian boy would do if things didn't go his way. Just plain fear.

It wasn't that Jasper was impervious to the fear of the unknown. No, on the contrary, he understood the risks inherent probably better than anyone. With his healthy respect for the Volturi, Jasper had to give Edward props in his choice of bait during his recent recruitment trip. It was clever. Disgusting, appalling, gutless, yella-belly, spineless, shameful behavior but clever. While it was true that the Volturi were known for shredding and burning before asking questions, Carlisle's relationship with Aro must account for some leeway. And who would discover their secret if they all just shut the hell up? Jasper shook his head.

Ultimately, it was the love that swayed his vote though. Standing against the dining room wall that day, amidst the storm of emotions and hurling insults, when Bella reached out for Edward, he felt her pain. Having to choose between a mate and a child was a choice no woman should have to make. _Damn him to a fate worse than hell for this! _Then, he felt her determination – almost as strong and clear as a vampire – as she searched for someone to corroborate her words. And when her liquid, steady gaze found the object of her desire in his, he felt her love. Love only a mother could feel for a child. The age of the babe didn't matter; it was hers. What Edward failed to grasp was that taking that child would kill her quicker than any of their coven could have. A kinder fate would have been for him to have been allowed to drain her after they first discovered Ed's infatuation with her sweet-smelling blood. If Edward wanted his Bella, then the choice was obvious. Obvious to Jasper, that is.

There were so many reasons, moral and logical, to vote for Bella, but none – not a single one - to vote to kill the innocent. Thus his stand and Alice's 'disappointment' in her custom-made man. He hated to upset her, his Alice, who had given him a better life than he'd ever dreamed possible, but he'd done it anyway, and now he was paying the consequences. Jasper closed his eyes, seeing with that damned perfect recall the last time she'd visited him here in his office, here in this very chair. She'd teased and tormented him until he begged for her to ride him into the sunset. With her bare knees spread, one on each arm of his chair, her heaven hovered above him and she ran a lazy finger down his chest, ever-so-slowly, until it reached the button of his Dockers. He shivered. She giggled.

Jasper rubbed his face to clear the image. Damn, that'd been a mighty fine day, but it'd also been the last time she'd so much as batted a lash his way. It'd been the day after the wedding. He'd always known Alice was a peculiar one, but this whole situation had struck a chord. He couldn't put his finger on anything solid because whenever she was actually in the house, she shuffled though her emotions too rapidly for him to catch the tenor and much too fast for all of them to be honest. If Alice would just talk to him, maybe he could help, but he was receiving nothing but frost.

_That's all right, though_, Jasper thought as he readjusted the seam of his jeans, _I'll wait. She'll co__me around. Although…_

No, he wouldn't finish that thought. He'd want her for as long as she'd have him. If he was nothing else in this life (and he really wasn't) he was faithful.

A small knock on his study door shocked him out of his thoughts. _Ah, Bella,_ he thought, smiling as he heard the beat of her heart, a little weaker than it had been yesterday, and the strong flutter of the tadpole before his nerves took command. This past week was the most direct interaction he'd ever had with their little human. It was…unsettling. Not unpleasant, necessarily, just unsettling. He was unsure of himself around her, which was something he hadn't been around any woman _ever_. Her scent was no longer tempting, but he had no idea how to act around a human he wasn't either fixing to eat or trying not to. It was disconcerting. In addition to that, he tended to close himself off from the emotional climate as much as he could when she was near. This morning sickness, or whatever it was that plagued her, was a hell he didn't wish to feel constantly.

At the second knock, he heard Rosalie huff and caught her floral scent, though if he'd been paying attention he would have tasted her pride, love and blatant want long before Bella knocked. Rosalie could try to hide her feelings but she knew that he knew, so what was the point? This time, Jasper also remembered to call, "Come on in."

"I told you he knew we were on our way. You know, if Carlisle catches you not resting as ordered he'll most likely want to stick you with something unpleasant," Rosalie told a slightly-waddling Bella who ignored her as she made her way slowly, demurely into his private quarters, while Carlisle chuckled tersely from his near-by office. Jasper didn't contradict Rose on either account. One would simply place him on another woman's shit list and to dispute the other claim would inevitably lead to an unwanted conversation about what exactly he'd been thinking of that distracted him so thoroughly.

"Anything I can do for you fine ladies this evening?" Jasper said smoothly, folding his hands in his lap. He was truly curious about why they were here. When he opened himself up to the emotional climate out of curiosity, Bella's trepidation and raw nerves made his foot tap. Her fatigue made him want to lay down for a nap he could never take. Her longing had him glancing at the old black-and-white of that day by Crystal Lake with his wife, before she was his wife, perched on the nearest end table. But his eyes never strayed from Bella for long. She paused in front of his couch.

"May I?"

"Of course, pull up some leather. You look like you could stand to take a load off." The words were no sooner out of his mouth than he winced from the onslaught of Rose's righteous anger and Bella's small sting of hurt. She chuckled quietly as she eased down.

"You know, you're right. No matter how long I sleep or how much I lay around I'm always tired. Sick and tired…" Her emotions twirled and tangled, tripping over one another as too many things queued impatiently, all clamoring to be felt and heard immediately. Jasper felt the storm brewing within her as she tried to squelch the rising current, which seemed to buffet her with every new thought or every random memory. He sensed more than felt that it had nothing to do with his thoughtless comment, though, and honestly, he was relieved. After all, there was little he could do about the rest of the drama that seemed to hound her every waking moment for the last few years. Edward was right about one thing: the girl was a danger magnet.

"It's hard growing the most perfect baby the world has ever seen," Rose stated matter-of-factly as she sat elegantly on the other end from Bella. "Up," Rose commanded pointing to her lap and Bella sighed, exasperated. "Carlisle said the elevation will help with the recent swelling."

"I didn't even notice any swelling," Bella grumbled as she obliged Rose's demand and placed her feet in Rosalie's lap, petulantly. Jasper was tempted to laugh at the sight of Rosalie pampering someone else, but then she began rubbing Bella's right foot and Bella moaned. Long and low and throaty, she moaned and her head sagged back onto her shoulders. Jasper watched enraptured as her pulse beat a tantalizing rhythm in the snowy column of her neck, perfectly exposed to his more wicked desires, and a feeling of desire mixed with euphoria filled the room. His hands (luckily still folded in his lap) clenched tightly.

"Jay?" Rose hissed quietly, and he looked to her quickly. Rosalie quirked one of those perfectly-manicured brows. He resisted the urge to look like a boy who'd just been caught trying to lift a forbidden cookie from the jar on top of the ice box. He hadn't done anything wrong, he assured himself as he met her challenging stare. Since the pregnancy, her blood was not nearly as tempting as before. Oh, Bella still smelled sweet; just not in an I'm-gonna-eat-you type of way.

"Not that I mind the company, but-" Jasper trailed off looking to Rosalie for information, but his answer came from the edible one he was trying his damnedest not to look at. He sighed. He couldn't be rude now, could he?

"Oh! That's my fault. I'm tired of staring at the walls of the guest room, no matter how perfectly lovely they are," Bella tacked on quickly. Jasper imagined it was hard for her to remember that everyone could hear her every word, and then harder still to not dwell on that fact when doing normal, everyday 'human' things. "Emmett's downstairs in the living room and my head can't handle all _that. _Esme tries to feed me something on sight and my stomach can't handle that. And if Carlisle examines me one more time this week, I think he's gonna have to put a ring on it," Bella grumbled before turning a brilliant shade of red. "Basically, I…I needed somewhere quiet to hang out before I go crazy." Jasper sat there still and quiet after she finished her hurried confession. "You're surprised?"

_Yes._

"No, it's-" _weird, strange, awkward since they've never had much contact and don't have a lick in common,_ "fine. Mi estudio es su studio." He could do his part in the family Bella-sitting rotation, he guessed. She had to sleep sometime…

"Um, I don't speak French, Jasper," Bella deadpanned.

"Oh, I said-" Jasper stopped mid-explanation as he felt the humor rolling off of her and Rose. "Funny."

"I thought so," Rose laughed and then picked up Bella's left foot. Either Bella was too busy looking around the office or she had grown accustomed to the workings of Rosalie's magic hands, but no moans escaped her and Jasper was incredibly grateful. After seeing her exposed bulging, bruised stomach a few days back, Jasper was appalled that he could think of Bella in anyway sexual. She was so fragile. Add to that the fact that she was still very much human, and he was completely mystified. But looking at her delicate rounded features, her big doe eyes and her rosy cheeks, maybe he was being too harsh on himself. It wasn't the first time he'd admired a woman since becoming married to Alice. After all, venom or none, he was still a man.

A man who will be servicing his own needs for the foreseeable future, unless Alice takes pity, Jasper thought chagrined. A small part of him understood her anger at him, but what he didn't understand is why their marriage had to take a backseat in the light of Edwardian drama, yet again.

"Bella," Rose warned. Bella rolled her eyes and continued leaning over to reach for the stack of magazines, which rested on an exact replica of a trunk of his Momma's that he used to hide in when he was a ruddy young'un. Esme had hunted it down just for him.

Jasper felt Bella's determination and Rose's trepidation on the couch as Bella reached for the trunk and her growing belly hung in the thin air between. Jasper sent out a quick burst of curiosity and groaned, stretching out, making a show of folding his hands behind his head (now that they were no longer needed in his lap) and as both women looked to see what he was doing, he nudged the trunk with his left foot closer to the sofa by just a mite and counterbalanced his curiosity with a shot of contentment. No longer inexplicably interested in Jasper, Bella reached for the magazines once more and bingo! She held the stack up victoriously, proud of her small accomplishment and in a small show of defiance to her constant keeper as well. Rosalie opened her mouth to clue Bella in on the assist, but Jasper hissed quietly and she promptly shut her mouth. Why ruin this moment for her? With all of the doom and gloom, they could give their favorite human this small win.

Jasper smiled as he felt Bella's glee and then frowned when he felt a wave of mischievousness and a small underlying guilt. "Jasper, is there something you want to tell us?" Bella asked, tilting her head and batting her lashes innocently, but he knew better.

"No, ma'am," Jasper drawled slowly, smirking. "Nothing comes to mind."

"Oh, I just thought since we're all family now you could feel comfortable coming out. I mean _Teen_, Jasper," she said, displaying her prime exhibit for her case of his confused sexuality, "I recognize a cry for help when I see it. Come on, J-mo, let it all out," Bella plead with shining eyes and false sympathy oozing from her. Staring into his dark eyes, she bit her bottom lip to hold back her smile. As Emmett hooted from downstairs and Rosalie worked not to fall off of the couch in her fit of laughter, Jasper sat stunned, frozen with the cocky smirk he'd been wearing when she busted him out. When Bella was around Edward, she was always so quiet and kept. Sure, Jasper had felt bursts of random humor at times or caught the frequent spike of irritation that only he seemed to notice when Edward and she spent time at the house, but this girl actually had a personality. Even in her weakened state, Bella had spunk.

Bella sat crosslegged, absentmindedly rubbing her swollen belly as Rose re-situated herself on the couch with last month's _Vogue_ she had swiped from Bella.

"Nice, Bella, but J-mo? Surely you can do better." Bella shrugged lightly. "As for the _Teen_, I like to stay up on pop culture. You know, you are what you eat. I don't want to accidentally digest a Brittney freak and wind up dancing scantily clad all the way to the nuthouse. That'd be a crying shame."

While Bella stared slack-jawed and dull-eyed, he felt Carlisle's disapproval wash over him at such a casual mention of taking a_ precious_ human life. Jasper started to worry that he'd crossed the line in this human/vampire coven. He was about to apologize and make a vow of silence in the human's presence when life came back to her eyes and she nodded, "Makes sense."

Rose rolled her eyes and Jasper chuckled. Only to Bella would that have made sense. "The magazine is Ali's, of course."

"Oh, I figured that. I was just messing with you, but-" Bella trailed off uncomfortably. It seemed like Jasper wasn't the only one unsure of boundaries in this new family dynamic.

"Go on. We don't do secrets here 'cause it's nigh impossible to keep 'em. Not much is off limits, so shoot."

"Oh, well…I was just going to say," Bella began looking around, "that it doesn't look like Alice spends much time in here."

"True, but I also like to read samples of what she has and at times, she does the same for me. I find it gives us more to talk about in the quiet moments, and she likes fashion and gossip."

"Yeah, but _Teen?" _Bella blurted out before she could stop herself. Jasper felt her instant chagrin and sent some peace to sooth her conscience. He scanned the house once more for Alice, but finding her still absent he answered Bella.

"Alice doesn't remember any of her youth, Bella." He hoped that provided some clarification, but Jasper didn't feel right about saying any more about his wife in her absence. Everyone knew Alice had her quirks. All of those peculiar habits meshed together formed the woman he loved.

"Ah," Bella said, covering her reddened cheeks with her hands. Her embarrassment was kind-of endearing. It was comforting to know, once more, that his wife had found such a caring friend. Bella truly loved her.

Jasper tilted his head a bit as heavy steps thundered up the stairs, Emmett. He'd taken his own approach to making Bella feel at home. At least that had been his defense when Esme rebuked him for his new base noise level, but in truth, Emmett simply enjoyed the excuse to be loud. Although, his projected determination and concern announced his coming much louder to Jasper.

_Probably Em's brotherly attempt at a covert head's up. Rosalie's not gonna be too happy about whatever he's got to say,_ Jasper thought. But there was no guilt or dread, so at least Jasper knew Emmett hadn't damaged her BMW. That was never pleasant for anyone within range.

As Emmett burst through the door with his massive chest puffed up, Jasper wondered if it was too late to ease some extra calm into the room. _Couldn't hurt._

"You need to hunt," Emmett announced unceremoniously. He didn't waste his breath trying to butter Rosalie up. He knew his mate well, and knew it wouldn't do a damn bit of good.

"I'm not leaving," Rosalie turned a page in her Vogue and crossed her legs.

"I'm not askin', Rosie." And he truly wasn't. Rosalie was letting her emotions get in the way of her physical needs. Of course, Emmett had the good sense not to say as much, but where she was looking out for Bella, her mate only had eyes for her and her welfare right now.

It was truly irresponsible to be with Bella when her thirst was so strong, too tempting. Jasper felt the burning now that Emmett drew it to his attention, even if Rosalie could ignore it for the time being. He also felt her resolution weakening as she looked up to her concerned mate. That is until Alice suddenly appeared in the doorway, as she had developed the habit of late. Jasper hadn't even felt her come back into his range – that was something new.

"Oh, don't worry, Rosalie. I'll be here the whole time! And Esme and Carlisle are just down the steps if Bella or I need anything." Rose stood with her arms crossed defiantly, but the slight warning rumble in Emmett's chest was enough to make her drop her stance and look to Jasper helplessly.

"Jay? You staying?"

Jasper nodded, hating that Rosalie had dragged him between her and Alice. He understood why, but damn. This would not bode well for him later…

And right on cue, Alice huffed. "Why does he need to stay? I think I can look after _my _best friend and my _favorite _sister without a chaperone. What exactly do you think I'm going to do to her, Rosalie? Paint her toe nails with a poisoned pink? Flat iron her hair to death? Though it could use a little freshening up, if I do say so myself," Alice added under her breath with her nose wrinkled. "Just what kind of a person, of a monstrosity, do you think I am?"

Quirks in his wife that he used to find endearing and charming even, Jasper suddenly found repulsive. _Bella's pregnant with a vampire-hybrid, which seemed __to be sucking the very life from her in her fragile human state and his wife, his love, Alice was repulsed by her limp hair?_ Jasper's jaw clenched and he looked to Rose for a much-needed distraction from this unpleasant thought.

"I think you are Chanel's fall line and the season has changed, _sister _mine. Hence, I'm over you."

* * *

Her pain spiked, bringing his complete attention back front and center. After all, did it matter how they had traveled so far down this path to this ring of deepest hell? No, they were here. They were together. That was all that mattered anymore.

Well, that and their revenge.

Yes, he would continue to remember just as he had asked her to do, and when she arose as a phoenix from the ashes, he would be here ready for what he knew must come next.

* * *

**A/N: Review?**


	12. Moments

**Chapter 11- Moments**

Her pain spiked, bringing his complete attention back front and center. After all, did it matter how they had traveled so far down this path to this ring of deepest hell? No, they were here.

They were together.

When she arose as a phoenix from the ashes, he would be here ready for what he knew must come next.

* * *

"No, Alice," Bella insisted for the fifth time. She rubbed her tight stomach, exasperated by Alice's persistence. She should just be happy Alice was excited about something revolving around the new addition. "It's beyond ridiculous to decorate two _whole_ nurseries just because we don't know for sure what the baby is." In her heart, though, she just knew her nudger was a boy. She hadn't been able to envision anything else since they first discovered she was expecting.

"But, Bella!" Alice pleaded in a semi-whiny tone with her eyes full-on puppy. If someone had clocked her lashes at the speed they were fluttering, she'd be ticketed. Still, Bella smiled gently at her enthusiasm.

Alice's moods had been unpredictable as of late, to say the very least. Emmett had even asked Carlisle if it was possible Bella's hormones were contagious. The fact that Carlisle paused to seriously consider this hypothesis was yet another testament of the emotional state of the household. Whenever Bella thought of all the chaos she'd brought to each one of their peaceful existences here, she felt terribly guilty. And when her thoughts led her down this road, she always arrived at the one who she felt the worst for, the one who had to feel not only her crazed emotions, but that of every being in the house.

Unfortunately, he hadn't taken kindly to feeling her pity and guilt directed at him after she explained its source. So she tried to rein it in, for his sake.

Much to her surprise and delight, Jasper and she had grown closer over the last two weeks. She supposed their friendship officially began when Ed- no, she wouldn't let her thoughts go there right now – when _she_ returned from Isle Esme, but she marked the start from when he'd first protected her from Alice and the most dreaded Bella Barbie time.

...

She watched Emmett practically force Rose from Jasper's study and tried to put on a brave face for Rose's benefit. When Alice had mentioned flat ironing her hair to death, Bella had blanched. She knew in her head she wouldn't _actually_ die, but a few hours in Alice's salon chair would certainly have her wishing otherwise. Though, she supposed, she should take any hygienic advice the ones with super senses were offering. Thank heavens her period was no longer a concern.

Alice rounded on her with a sweet smile as soon as Emmett's steps faded away. "Well, Bella, I suppose we should start with the tweezers. I see a few too many strays to be posh."

"Alice," she started to plead, but Alice just planted her hands on her tiny hips. Bella was about to surrender when Jasper sidled up behind Alice, slipping his hands through her arms and pulling her back flush with him. He sighed at the contact, running his nose up the side of her neck slowly, as if they were the only two beings in the room, in the world.

"Ali, why don't _you_ and_ I _go to the bedroom. I'm sure I could find _something_ to pique our interests if we just put our heads together," he murmured, kissing her gently right behind her ear. But her face looked as rigid as her posture. Bella could feel the occasional bursts of love mingled with lust accidentally slipping from Jasper. When combined with her crazy hormones, she was ready to jump him herself.

"Oh, there will be time for that later, Jazz." Alice reached over her shoulder and patted his cheek. His cool, unaffected mask slid into place, right on cue, but it wasn't fast enough. Bella saw his hurt.

She ached for him, knowing all too well the feeling of being rejected by one's love, of being the one powerless in the relationship. To only wait until they allowed you to squeeze a little closer, steal a little kiss.

"You know, Alice, I don't think I'm up to a makeover today. And I'm supposed to keep my feet up and my stress low – doctor's orders, I'm afraid. So, nope." She popped the 'p' a little smugly, but she was too angry to care.

"Don't be silly, Bella," Alice said, smiling sweetly once more. She stepped out of Jasper's arms without so much as a glance backwards, and he let them drop, turning around to lean against the wall like a statue not even time eroded. But Alice had. Bella saw it with her own eyes. She had chipped away at him with her thoughtlessness, her selfishness. And it made her anger flare again. "Carlisle didn't mean you couldn't sit in my room while I pamper you."

Too emotional to trust her own tongue, Bella sat there willing the angry tears not to fall.

"She said no, Alice," Jasper said quietly, but he startled them both as if he'd used a bullhorn.

"What's she going to do, Jasper, read all day? Sit in here in this dusty, moldy room waiting for Edward to come home, but doing nothing to actually prepare for herself for it?" Bella gasped. Alice's scathing comment cut her through and through. She immediately started to apologize, squinting her eyes and rubbing her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Bella! I didn't mean it like _that_!"

"How did you mean it, Alice?" Bella asked as she struggled to hold back her tears. No one said had said his name in weeks – at least, not where she could hear it. And for Alice to play on her insecurities so flippantly, so carelessly, hurt. Bella looked past her small chest, down at her misshapen belly, covered by her skeletal arms and wished she could simply fade away for a while.

Alice was right. Why would a man want her in all her human frailty, when there was a house of succubi waiting to fulfill his every desire?

Alice threw her hands up in frustration. "Ugh! This would never have happened if I just had my visions!"

"I think she just needs some time alone, Ali. She's overwhelmed," Jasper said. Alice looked between the two of them, before nodding sadly and leaving the room.

Jasper waited a moment more before he left his post holding up the wall and began flitting around the room. She'd forgotten he was there for a minute! How thoughtless, she chastised herself, losing herself in her own feelings, knowing he'd be dragged along for the ride whether he wanted to go or not.

He paused, with his back to her, only long enough to say, "I don't need your pity, Isabella, nor do I want it." His voice was hard, but it softened as he continued, fading gradually with his words. "And she doesn't deserve your anger – at least, not for my sake. I'd still be living a nightmare worse than you could have ever imagined if she hadn't saved me. She's the light that scattered my darkness. Any time she allows me to be with her, I get far better than I deserve."

_How could any woman in her right mind ever reject such a man?_

He walked slowly to her side with his long, naturally predatory gait, placing a small stack of books on the trunk beside her sofa before settling into his chair with a thick volume of his own. There were a few of her favorite classics and a few titles she didn't recognize. She reached for _The Count of Monte Cristo,_ wanting to lose herself in someone else's disastrous life for a bit, but her eyes couldn't focus on the words as she replayed the short exchange that had just occurred.

Somewhere along the way, though, she settled in, perfectly content to just sit with Jasper.

...

"Don't be silly, Bells!" Emmett's booming voice from behind her made her grab her chest as her heart made a break for it but, at least this time, he looked properly abashed. "Sorry, I was only saying that I can fix this problem with no bloodshed." The big oaf shot a wink at Bella and she giggled weakly, still clutching at her chest.

"Well, do tell, oh-wise-one," Alice said haughtily, mock-bowing in front of him as he struck a Captain Morgan pose.

"You don't have to do up two rooms, 'cause she's having a boy."

He declared it in the same way one would say that rain was wet or sex was good. No doubt, just fact. Bella beamed up at him from her place stretched out on an off-white sofa. Rose, who was seated at her feet, rolled her eyes dramatically. It was at moments like these – the fun ones with no life or death decisions being made, just life – that it struck Bella just how well Emmett and Rose were suited for each other.

She seemed cold and distant, but he had warmth enough for them both. He was an incurable goof, but she weighed every thought and consequence with dire seriousness. He was the sun. She, a closed bloom, only peeking out when the weather was just so. She lived in hell until she stumbled upon him dying, and with one look at her, he knew heaven. There was a delicate balance, but it was that balance which made them perfect for one another.

"And just how would you know that, Emmett? Did omniscience return to the wrong vampire?" The small smile on her face softened her words. Emmett continued completely unaffected.

"Because I took a family vote with all the vampires that mattered," he poked himself in the chest with both of his thumbs, "and the verdict was unanimous."

As Bella paled a bit more, his smile drooped and he looked sheepish. "What? Too soon?"

"Yeah, Em. But it's okay, they can't all be winners." Emmett chuckled uneasily at her attempt to lighten the mood. Bella closed her eyes, snuggling further into the cool fabric of the couch. It felt good on her over-heated skin. "For what it's worth, though, I think our nudger is a boy too."

The next moment the room was filled with excited vampires. It was one of the few normal family moments with the pregnancy she'd had, but she felt tears fill her eyes thinking of the one missing. No, now was not the time for him. He'd have tonight when she lay in their giant bed all alone, staring at the space he should be in until her tears ran dry and sleep finally claimed her. Right now, she wanted this happy moment, needed it, to get her through the rest.

"What makes you so certain, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"It's just a feeling, but I haven't been able to see it any other way."

"Hmmm, interesting," he murmured.

"Just to be safe, we'd better have a few pink things on hand," Rose added. "And you'd better pick a couple of names as well."

"Yeah," Emmett added. "Jay and I can't go around calling it a tadpole forever."

Bella snorted at the nickname, secretly thrilled they talked about the baby in some way other than the _fetus_ when she wasn't around.

"Well," Bella started tentatively, "I've kicked a few around…" She'd had little else to do since she was relegated to the couch for the foreseeable future. But as long as rest kept sharp, pointy things far, far away from her, she'd try not to complain - too much.

"And," Emmett drawled as he bounced on his heels, resembling an Alice gone Hulk. But with everyone's wide, excited eyes focused solely on her, embarrassment flooded her. She tried to stave off the nausea, which piggy-backed on any emotion strong enough for her to notice these days, by closing her eyes. She felt calm wrap around her and focused on the small trickle of bravery warming her chest. Silently, she sent Jasper her gratitude, and faced her family once again.

"Okay, but the girl name is a bit, _unorthodox_." They nodded eagerly and she smiled, rubbing circles on her stomach. "If by some off chance it _is_ a girl, I was thinking Renesmee Carlie. You know, a combination of her grandmothers' and grandfathers' names? Is it too weird?"

She started to get nervous in the silence that followed, staring at all of their venom-filled eyes. She looked to Jasper for answers, but he only had eyes for Carlisle at the moment.

"No, I like it," Rosalie assured her. "This baby will be one of a kind. She deserves a name that's beautiful and fitting." Bella teared up at the heartfelt praise. Rose really had become a beloved sister this last month.

"Pshaw. Come on, Bella Boo. We know that's a boy your cooking up in that stretched out oven-" he dodged Rose's backhand, "so, tell me what we're gonna name 'em."

"I'm still toying with a few combinations, but I know I want Charlie in there somewhere." She stared at her hand still absentmindedly drawing circles over her nudger. "I said my goodbyes to him at the wedding, and I don't regret that," she rushed to reassure them. "I never could. But I'd like to keep a piece of him with me for forever, you know?"

"Your father would burst with pride at just the thought, Bella," Esme murmured with her hand over her still heart. Bella felt so much love surrounding her that she thought she might just do the same. Suddenly, her little guy gave such a kick, she shot up and doubled over and the Julie Andrews family moment was done.

Bella was barely able to gasp "Rose" before she was kneeling over the toilet in the downstairs bathroom, spewing her measly second lunch. Carlisle was going to be on her for sure. At the thought, she retched more violently, tears flowing steadily from her eyes as her sore stomach convulsed. Rose gathered her hair back as she rifled around for a wash cloth.

Then, it happened.

The single most embarrassing moment of her life to date.

She heaved and felt the wetness run down her legs beneath her sweat pants, all the way to her socks. Socks – because as hot as she flashed, her toes remained in danger of frost bite. Socks that were now soaked in her own piss in a house full of vampires who would soon know exactly what had occurred. Rose froze as Bella considered what to do. She settled on hysterical sobbing. It seemed only fitting.

She sobbed and Rose, for once, looked completely lost. Eventually, Bella summoned the strength and breath to order her from the bathroom, though she wasn't sure why Rose actually gave in. It could be the smell of urine in the pristine bathroom, or Bella's reaction, or just her own discomfort with the whole human situation, but Bella was thankful. She locked the door behind her, knowing it wouldn't keep any of them out, but hoping they'd respect her enough to leave her be nonetheless.

Bella ran a warm bath, and tried to soak her sorrows away but it was not looking good. The tears, now started, wouldn't be stopped. One by one, her family knocked on the door, all attempting to comfort her in their own ways.

Alice said it was time for her to change out of those God awful pants anyway. She'd already planned on burning the sweats; this just moved the timing up a bit.

_I'm surprised she'd formed any plans at all without her precious 'visions' to guide her_, Bella thought snidely.

Then she recoiled at her sudden hostility toward her best friend. She knew things had been different lately, what with Bella's pregnancy and Alice's migraines, but that was no excuse.

She stayed quiet as the guilt began to eat away at her until she heard Jasper tap on the door and say in passing, "Don't make me come in there, Isabella." He was joking, she hoped, but she made an effort to shift her thoughts. Luckily, her recent humiliation made the task a simple one.

Carlisle told her it was perfectly normal for a woman in her second trimester. She groaned but otherwise stayed quiet. Esme reminded her to add warm water. She turned on the faucet.

Later Bella stepped out of the draining tub onto the plush rug and dried off, wrapping herself in the oversized terry cloth robe which had hung on the back of the door. She contemplated her options. She could sleep in here – the rug was plush, but she'd pay for it in the morning with an achy back. There was death, but that sounded a bit dramatic.

Unfortunately, her next guest was Emmett.

"Beeeeeellllllllllllaaaaaaaa!" he whined. "It's not that bad! It's kinda funny if you think about it. We'll be laughing about this for decades to come!" Bella groaned, her blush spreading across her face and down her chest. "Seriously, this can't be as bad as the sleep farting."

_Oh no!_

She felt dizzy. Bella had a horrible feeling that she knew where this was going. All other sounds were drowned by her thundering heart, but she still heard Emmett with ringing clarity. The human mind is a wondrous thing.

"We all knew you talked in your sleep, but I didn't realize you were rem multi-talented. I mean, I thought you'd started up your own brass section up there last night. Ow, Rose! Damnit, that one hurt!"

"It was supposed to," she hissed, but Bella didn't pay them any attention. No, she curled up on the bathroom rug, exhausted. As she drifted, the last thing she heard was Emmett's pitiful backpedaling, no doubt while facing his irate mate. "It's not like it's a big deal! That was my point, Rosie. We don't even _need_ to breathe after all."

Yes, her day was now complete.

And then, she dreamt.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to my beta, Stitchcat, and my prereader, HammerHips. Their awesomeness knows no limit! Thanks so much for being patient with my sporadic updates. Although, the next chap is almost complete already...**

**Oh! REVIEW! Pretty please with sparkly vamp on top! I like hearing y'all's theories and thoughts!**


	13. What Dreams May Come

**Chapter 12- What Dreams May Come**

The line of black advanced through the shroud-like mist again. Their dark eyes glittering with desire, lusting for the easy kill. Excited by her helplessness. One sniffed the air dramatically and they laughed. The air reeked of her sweat and adrenaline, her fear. Their lips pulled back over their gleaming teeth – some to snarl, some to smile, some to plead.

"Bella!"

_Edward!_ She cried, but she heard nothing. Her mouth was frozen in fear, frozen in dread-soaked anticipation. Suddenly, she hungered for it. A red haze filled the air. Her blood demanded their venom. She wanted to charge them to charge, to try to take what was hers. They would regret it. She crouched forward, a wicked, rare smile on her lips, and a low growl rumbling in her chest.

"It's…okay…love. Just breathe…when…awake, all will be as it should."

_But I'm not asleep,_ she tried to argue, but then red bled away into black-spotted sky, and she found herself curled on the forest floor. Aching. Every inch numb but hurting. Her skin soaked, but her eyes had run dry. As it should. The canopy of dark against the night hovering over her played. Shadows molded and played for her the story of the Quileutes, as soothing and as beautiful as the night she'd heard it at a bonfire another lifetime ago. Her heart pounded like a tribal drum, pushing the tale ever faster. The wolves ran and ran and ran, finally stopping to turn to her. She was surrounded.

A familiar, pained howl split the thick night air. She was back in the mist, cradling a bundle to her chest. Pleading, though none could hear. Crying, though none could see. Aching, though none cared.

Alone.

Alone.

Utterly alone and defenseless against the monsters in cloaks and the wolves howling unseen. Love. Edward's seducing prefer seductive purr in her ear did nothing to shake the overwhelming isolation. The panic of a deer, cornered, with nowhere to hide.

She looked down to see her hands, ghostly pale, through the mist. Empty.

She shot upright, throwing the quilt from her. She hunched over, clutching her bulging stomach as she adjusted to her surroundings and the dream melted away, blissfully forgotten for the moment. But it would be back to prey on her insecurities and fears in the night like a true monster. In the dim light of the small lamp on her nightstand, she could see that she was once again in her room. Not Edward's, which she had once hoped to share, but one of her own.

But she didn't remember coming upstairs last night. In fact, the last thing she remembered with any clarity was curling up on the bathroom floor-

_Oh no!_

And it all rushed back – the vomiting, peeing, and farting. The perfect human trifecta. As her breathing calmed, she shook her head at herself. At least right now she could blame it all on the pregnancy. This was just one more thing she'd never have to worry about after Edward – a cool shiver ran down her spine at the name – changed her. If that was still the plan…

_If that was ever the plan_, she amended.

* * *

She'd thought she knew the essence of pain then; assumed the pain of what was to come would be nothing compared to the dread and cold fear that encased her any time her eyes closed for a second too long.

* * *

Bella blinked. Esme was fussing with the large vase by the front door. She blinked again. The exotic lilies were replaced by a bunch of hot house wildflowers with yellow tulips peeking out. Blink. The vase held white roses and sprigs of small purple blooms mixed in. When Esme went to the hospital to have 'lunch' with Carlisle, which Bella assumed was code for steamy office sex, she finally asked Rose about the rapidly revolving flowers.

"First of all, you nap a lot, just so you know." Rose eyed Bella speculatively. She was right. Staying in a house where night or day didn't matter, it was very easy to slip out of a 'normal' sleeping schedule, especially when she couldn't stay under for longer than a couple of hours at a time. "But to your question, Esme needs to be doing something. The house has always been her domain, and she takes solace in simple tasks."

_Makes sense_, Bella thought. But after a moment, Rose spoke again.

"Did you know that flowers begin to die as soon as you pick them?" Bella stayed perfectly still as Rose continued thoughtfully. "Humans can't see the wilting until the blooms are practically decomposing, but we do. We watch, unchanged, as they sag and age and wither into nothingness, and we stay the same. Never changing, never truly a part of life because we don't truly live, damned to an eternity as immortal observers."

Somehow, Bella thought, they were no longer discussing Esme's OCD.

"So…she doesn't like to watch them die?" Bella said softly.

"No, none of us do." Rose met Bella's eyes for but a second, and then began organizing the smattering of books, DVDs and magazines littering the coffee table. "She changes the flowers out because she _can_. And if it makes her feel better to do it, then who are we to complain?"

Bella settled back and blinked again.

Even she could tell she'd lost a few more pounds everywhere but her misshapen stomach, but Carlisle said the babe was fine. He was growing rapidly, but seemed healthy. That was what was most important. The concern, however, was that once the baby depleted Bella – nutritionally speaking – he, too, would starve to death. She'd hoped to hold on long enough to deliver him, but Carlisle's increasingly grim warnings and frazzled looks didn't bode well.

They'd even given up on the prenatals since she couldn't tolerate them either. It wasn't from lack of trying. Bella wasn't trying to be difficult, though she felt guilty all the same. Between Esme, Jasper and Emmett they'd practically emptied out the local markets trying to find something she could stomach.

At first, they tried everything the doctor recommended for a healthy hybrid. Even without any flavor, it nauseated her terribly and the turnaround rate was alarmingly fast. Then they tried anything that sounded remotely appetizing. Ice cream was by far the easiest on the throat coming back up. Finally, they tried everything else. Those trips were Emmett's favorite. He challenged himself with trying to one up his last bizarre purchase. He brought home baby food, reasoning something without chunks would be easier on the throat the second time around. Oddly enough, the mashed bananas weren't half bad. They stayed down long enough to give them all a bit of hope, and in the end, Emmett was right. They were much easier on the return trip. She gagged remembering the chili dog fiasco.

Bella felt like all she did was eat and puke and pee – sometimes simultaneously - and nap but there wasn't much else to do on bed rest, or couch rest, as it was. Holding a book required too much energy, and then it was wasted because she couldn't make herself focus on the words on the pages. Her emotions swung wild at the littlest things, but that led to nothing but more frustration because she couldn't keep up enough give-a-damn to express them properly. Mostly, she cried.

Em gave her a goofy look, and she cried. Alice offered to help her with a 'much needed' bath, and she cried. Jasper sent her a wave of joy, and she yelled at him for abusing his gift. And then she cried. But worst of all was when Carlisle said they couldn't wait any longer to start the IV. She knew it was the best thing for the baby but try telling that to her unruly tear ducts. Bella shook so hard with sobs that Rose had to hold down her arm for Carlisle.

Their bloodlust never even entered her mind. And if there was a problem with it, she never noticed. She stayed immersed in her panic until Carlisle took a single step back. Bella slumped against the couch, looking into Rose's hungry stare. "I'm okay now, Rose."

Rosalie held on, staring at the vein pounding beneath the thin skin of Bella's throat. "Rose, _we're_ fine."

Startled, Rose looked down at Bella's stomach for a second before disappearing across the room faster than Bella could follow. Bella sniffled, wiping her eyes hastily, and looked down to examine the harmless little needle taped in her arm as Carlisle adjusted the bag of clear fluids now hanging behind the couch. She felt silly in the aftermath of her sudden panic attack. She'd never liked needles but that was a strong reaction - even for her. As her fingers traced along the edges of the large, clear strip of tape, Rosalie took up her post at Bella's feet.

"Just don't pull it out. We'll have a whole new set of problems," Rose said grimly, as she began to rub Bella's swollen feet. How her body could look so emaciated and yet her feet resemble the Michelin Man was beyond her puny human comprehension. She gasped as the baby gave her a little kick. Tears sprang to her eyes, but they did at every little thing these days, so it was nothing new. The look she got from Carlisle showed that he wasn't fooled.

"Would you like a mild sedative, Bella?"

"No!" She shouted, before taking a deep breath. "I'd rather not. We don't know how the baby is developing or what medications may harm him. I'd rather err on the safe side."

"Smart move, Bella," Rose said, shooting Carlisle a death glare he ignored.

It wasn't her nudger's fault. She just wasn't strong enough. Not only that, but she was getting weaker by the hour. Bella tried to relax back as Rosalie worked her magic on her feet, but the baby was ready to play. Carlisle said that everyday movements such as walking rocked fetuses to sleep, but her constant bed rest for the last month made that impossible.

He'd grown so fast in the last few weeks. She felt his every kick and turn. Although she was loath to admit it, even to herself, it hurt. She hurt. He was demolishing her insides to make room for himself. With the next blow, she could barely keep from crying out. At least she didn't have to worry about hiding the bruises anymore. Carlisle had finally come to accept them as part of this unique pregnancy. Her babe just didn't know his own strength.

Bella searched the room for a distraction. In the end, it was Rosalie who came to her rescue yet again. "How about we read a page or two of _What to Expect When You're Expecting_? That'll keep you from getting too bored until you can sleep."

Rose had been a life-saver in so many ways during this pregnancy. Bella didn't consider herself stupid when it came to children, but she had only ever cared for adults. She'd never wanted children of her own, until now. And she felt out of her depth. She didn't know how she would have held on to any semblance of sanity if it wasn't for Rose's unyielding support of her and all things baby.

As Rose began to read aloud with her commentary, Bella made only base noncommittal responses and zoned out until Rose finally exclaimed, "I was taught that since the baby's hearing is well developed by the second trimester, music could be an ideal way to communicate with an unborn child. The only negatives stated – aside from her note that you may inadvertently disrupt your fetus' sleep pattern – are purely her opinion on the matter, and a rather self-righteous one at that." Rose threw the book on the coffee table with an upturned nose.

As the baby gave another kick, Bella winced. "I don't think we have to worry about disturbing his sleep."

Rose laughed gently and then stood, propping Bella's feet up on the pristine couch pillows before disappearing around the main wall in the living room. "Rose?" Then a beautiful tune began to softly fill the room. Bella recognized Chopin, but couldn't narrow it down further before the memory of another time, another lifetime ago, overtook her.

_The song played, her song, drifted to an end, the final keys shifting to a more melancholy key. The last note hovered poignantly in the silence._

_Thank you, she murmured. Only then realizing there were tears in her eyes. She dabbed at them, embarrassed, until he touched the corner of__ her eye, gently trapping the one she missed. He lifted his finger to examine__ the drop broodingly. __Then, so quickly she couldn't be positive that he really did it, he put his finger to his mouth to taste her tear. _

In the moment, it was sweet and odd and intense, like everything else in her relationship with Edward. She'd never figured out why he'd done it. She had assumed they had time for her to pry these types of secrets from him – lots and lots of time. But now, time was racing too quickly yet too slowly, and he was nowhere to be found. She was alone in a house full of family. She stifled her sob, but choked on a cry as the baby delivered a swift kidney shot.

"The tadpole doesn't like you to be so upset." She jumped as she heard Jasper's voice right behind her. "Try to settle down, Bella, and he might follow suit." She closed her eyes but with the music of the baby grand filling the room, she couldn't focus on anything except Edward. But she didn't want to hurt Rose's feelings any more than she wanted to explain her own. Maybe she would stop on her own soon. Bella opened her eyes to see Jasper's knowing, sympathetic look.

"Rose," he spoke quietly, but where Bella could hear, which she was thankful for. "On your way back from hunting, can you try to pick up some take out for Bella?"

"I'm not going anywhere." The notes died out abruptly as Rose entered the room with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I think Em might feel different," Jasper warned, smirking devilishly. Bella giggled breathlessly as she recovered from the latest jab.

"Not this time, Jazz." Emmett bounded into the room with entirely too much noise. "Well, I do require her assistance rearranging some woods, but that can wait a bit." He held up a set of headphones attached to his black IPod Shuffle. Bella didn't have the energy to be wary. Besides, he'd been trying to get back into her and Rose's good graces for the past two weeks. She doubted he'd risk the little ground he'd gained since his epic foot-in-mouth episode.

"The tadpole doesn't wanna listen to this namby-pamby sissy stuff. Nuh-uh. Uncle Emmy knows what he wants."

Bella snorted as she mouthed 'Uncle Emmy?' to Jasper, who grinned, turning his attention to the headset Emmett was placing around Bella's stomach.

"I don't know if this is a good time, _Uncle Emmy_," Jasper mocked_. "_The little one was quite upset a few minutes ago, and he's only just begun to settle back down."

"Don't go getting your panties in a bunch, Doula Jazzy. It's Bella's enor…enormous _responsibility _and _her_ very petite and in-no-way-grotesque belly. What do ya say, sis?" Emmett turned the biggest, saddest puppy dog eyes she'd ever seen Bella's way and she gave in quickly, but she sent Jasper her gratitude for intervening on their behalf – both times.

Bella wasn't sure what started blaring out of the headphones. All she heard was heavy metal before the baby flailed. _He must be half-vamp,_ Bella thought. _How else could he have hit everywhere a__t once?_

"AC/DC, Emmett! Really?" Emmett cowered a bit under Rosalie's glare as Jasper removed the offending headphones.

"_Big Balls_ is a classic! But it wasn't all rock. I made a mix just for the little guy. Some Sinatra, Fifty Cent, and even some Elvis sprinkled in." Rose was not impressed.

"Thanks, Em," Bella breathed, closing her eyes in an effort to stem the flow of tears. "Why don't we save it until he gets here. I'm sure he'll appreciate it more then." Her ribs were protesting each and every breath, and the baby was apparently trying to stand up inside her. With her eyes closed in a futile effort to hide the tears, she curled in the fetal position, and then stretched out but nothing alleviated the pressure, the pain. And the baby seemed to be mimicking what she'd just done. He'd ball up in a rock hard lump and then stretch out as far as he could.

"I'm sorry, B. I didn't think it'd really affect him."

"That's the problem, Em. You don't _think._ Now since Esme's in town with Carlisle, you get to go in there and fix Bella something edible for lunch." Rosalie rubbed Bella's back gently for a minute before dragging Emmett into the kitchen where Bella could hear his complaints about the smell of the food.

"Bella, would you like me to see if I can calm him?"

How had it never occurred to her to ask? She was more drained than she thought. Jasper could obviously feel the baby now, so the baby should be able to feel his influence as well. In fact, as soon as he spoke, the baby's movements gentled and slowed. Where he had been frantic seconds before, now he seemed to simply be trying to get comfortable.

"Actually, I think he likes your voice, Jasper." Bella whispered, thankful for the moment of ease. "You may not need your power this time." Jasper looked shocked for a split-second before he beamed. It was true. Jasper was naturally charismatic. When he wasn't trying to eat her, she felt very comfortable in his presence.

"May I?" he asked, pointing at Bella's stomach. She nodded, interested to see what exactly he wanted to do. But she trusted him.

He knelt beside the couch and ever-so-slowly leant his head down to her stomach. He quietly whispered something so fluidly he could have been singing. Bella felt the baby nudge her gently, once, right next to where Jasper's face hovered. "That's it. Easy does it, boy."

"If that baby comes out a girl, you guys are going to feel like shit," Rose called from the kitchen, but Bella didn't bother responding. As Jasper looked up at Bella's eyes, once more filled with tears, his glowing expression morphed into alarm until he realized they were the 'good' tears as Renee used to call them. She always said sometimes a woman just needs to cry. Although Bella had explained this a few times to Jasper and Emmett, it was obvious they didn't understand. In fact, when she went on a saline spree, they tended to get skittish.

"You were right. He does like my voice," Jasper said lowly, his accent thick, actually noticeable, in the unguarded moment.

"Of course he does." Bella cooed to the baby, patting her stomach as Jasper focused back on her nudger. A golden curl fell on her hand as he tilted his head down to talk to the baby again. It was so soft. Bella fisted her hand and pulled it away quickly, trying to resist the urge to run her fingers through his hair. She'd always had a thing for a nice head of hair.

She sighed, long and low, chastising herself for thoughts like this. She wasn't sure what the future held, but she loved _Edward_ – no matter how much of an ass he had become. When she made it through this pregnancy, he'd come back and they could work everything out as a family. It had to be the damn hormones! Thankfully, Jasper seemed oblivious to her moment of insanity.

"He recognizes your voice as well. It makes him happy," Jasper said, his eyes bright with a wonder she'd never seen in any of them aside from Carlisle.

Bella's joy at this confirmation that it was a child she carried, not a monster, was overwhelming. As was the hope that this moment and others like it would span the long gap over the next few weeks until she could safely bring the babe into this amazing family. But everything was tinged with a stream of bitterness that it was not Edward here soothing her and their child. It was not her husband looking at her like she was the most amazing woman in the world. Once again, he'd run and left someone else to pick up the pieces he'd left behind. Her emotions battled for her sole attention until she was dizzy and drained. Her vision began blurring around the edges, colors fading to black.

And then, she looked back to Jasper still talking to the baby – in what she assumed was his attempt to give her a moment to collect herself – and she settled on one single emotion: love.

She gave up all the others – the future hope, the fears past, the bitterness present - and chose to focus on nothing but her love for this child, for this man, and for the family she was blessed to have, who made this possible in the first place by welcoming her into their lives and their world.

* * *

Her body trembled with the effort to hold back the scream waiting in the back of her throat for the first sign of weakness. She knew he could handle the pain, he was strong – stronger than her, stronger than they ever gave him credit for.

No, it was the hard, cold laugh at her stupid naivety that would follow on its heels she wanted to spare him.

* * *

Grief. The silent house was smothering him; slowly, painfully. He could barely draw in the breath he didn't need around their emotions. He was too close, too absorbed, to create enough distance. He couldn't block it, and he wasn't certain if he could absorb it much longer without letting himself fall back to old habits.

But none of them saw, and he couldn't tell. He wouldn't. He had to hold it in. Bella slept, and they mourned. Mourned for the one they loved, the one who brought life and hope to their stagnant routine, she who now lay dying little by little as time - which had always seemed so fleeting - taunted them. Hers would run out before she could deliver the baby. Her scent was soured, her heart was weak. Her ribs were cracked, her stomach beyond bruised. She smiled those tired, lazy smiles and curled around her killer, but they heard her whimpering. Her screams would have brought down the strongest of men. They all saw her pain, mourned for her future, but there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it.

Anger, pity, compassion, dread, impatience. A flood of helplessness swallowed him, pulling Jasper to Carlisle's office door as it ebbed – back to the source. He was invited in before he could understand why he was standing there. But Carlisle knew. He sat behind his large desk, shuffling through file after file at a speed impossible for humans, almost looking his age as Jasper entered.

"The fetus is sucking the life out of her in front of our eyes while I stand aside powerless. If we lose her, we will lose _him_ as well. I have scoured every medical journal in my library and searched every article published online in the fields of obstetrics and malnutrition, but I keep coming up empty. The fetus' demands are too stressful on her body, and they will only increase as he continues to grow. I apologize, son. This situation is very-" _Frustrating_. There were more to his emotions than just his helpless frustration and his wounded professional pride, Jasper could tell. But he respected the desire of privacy and the rarity of such a thing being possible after decades of living with a mind-reader. Jasper took a seat in the leather armchair across the desk and waited for Carlisle to compose himself.

"If only I had warned them!" _Guilt_ "But I never thought inner species procreation was a possibility." _Shame_ "It should not be! Taking into account our physically frozen state coupled with the fact that the vampiric virus is parasitic in nature, it simply should not be a possibility." _Confusion_

"Anything Emmett and I can do?" Everyone, with the exception of Rosalie, had perpetual feelings of utter uselessness. Jasper could use something to take his mind away from the emotions of the house and from Alice, wherever she was. And if his distraction could potentially help Bella, that was all the better.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, there is. As I'm sure you know, Alice volunteered to go to Forks and pack up my study there," Jasper didn't bother to correct Carlisle's assumption. It would serve no purpose. "She hired movers, and the majority of my books should arrive later this afternoon. Some are quite old, more than a few predate my time in Italy and a few are gifts from Aro directly from the library at Volterra. It would save me precious hours if you and your brother could search through them for any pertinent information. Edward," Jasper growled quietly but Carlisle ignored the interruption, "mentioned a woman on Isle Esme who seemed to know about vampires who seduce with the purpose of impregnating helpless young women. It could be nothing more than local folklore meant to keep their daughters out of the jungle and away from foreigners, but-"

"Many legends have truth ingrained in their origins."

"Precisely, which is why we must search for credible references of such an occurrence, if they do indeed exist." Carlisle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We cannot afford to ignore any possibilities at this point. We have exhausted all other options."

"Have you considered consulting the Volturi?" Carlisle's eyebrows shot up as he turned to Jasper, but Jasper held his gaze. "They already know her status as a human, the fact that we revealed ourselves to her, as well as our plans to change her soon, so we needn't fear punishment. Given Aro's affinity for the rare, if there has ever been such a case, surely the brothers would know."

"Aro's affinity, as you called it, is the reason we cannot call on them. They are far too interested in our family for our good, Jasper. I can only see that ending in one of two ways: they would take Bella and the fetus, or they would kill them – and us by association – to nullify the risk of the future spawn and word spreading that it is possible to mate with humans."

Jasper nodded. The Volturi were not the demons Bella thought them to be, though he understood how she had developed her prejudice. The brothers could be intimidating and they ruled with a decidedly firm hand – as they should – but they were not unjust. However, they did not approve of any power existing that they, themselves, did not possess. Thinking of power brought another subject to mind that Jasper had planned on discussing with Carlisle for some time now.

"Do you believe Aro's assessment of Bella's potential when changed to be correct?"

Carlisle looked up, surprised. "Why do you ask, son?"

Jasper thought back to the night after Edward's return from Italy. As he cuddled with his human in her twin-sized bed, Edward had decided to tell Carlisle everything Aro had thought during their confrontation about Bella so, naturally, he never had to say a word because Alice saw it all once the decision was made. They discussed it at the dining room table after the family vote about Bella's immortality had come to a smashing end. Jasper stifled his laugh at the memory. Listening to Esme give Edward a verbal whooping over the destroyed plasma screen was definitely enjoyable.

Aro was certain Bella was a shield, at the very least, but he had compensated for Edward's presence almost immediately. With a little practice, it becomes second nature to re-route primary thoughts into what would be a subconscious stream for a human. It's more difficult when information or revelations took you by surprise, as with Aro, or when emotions became too strong to focus on organizing your thoughts. Fractional thoughts tended to bleed through until you regained control.

Carlisle's curiosity about the source of his own was natural. Jasper had never shown any interest in Bella's potential, but truthfully, he never thought Edward would actually change her. And if he did, Jasper assumed it would be years away. Then she would be of little threat with a purely defensive power, but lately, Jasper wondered if there was something they had missed about their favorite human.

"Her change seems imminent." Jasper paused, listening to Bella's heart stutter in agreement downstairs, and Carlisle nodded slowly.

"She will not make it through this pregnancy alive." Jasper couldn't untangle his strange emotions from Carlisle's enough to know his own mind. Carlisle's confirmation should be good news. No more battle to see Bella as more than your average walking, talking, blood warmer. As his throat burned at the memory of blood streaming down her arm, Jasper was once again grateful to the tadpole for changing his mother's scent enough to make her not as…_desirable_.

"Then we will have a newborn…or two," Jasper said, smirking. "I would like to be as prepared as possible for that time, which includes learning more about her temperament and emotional triggers-"

"That's an easy one," Emmett interrupted from his room. "Everything."

Carlisle rolled his eyes as Rosalie hissed downstairs.

"Emmett McCarty," Esme chastised from her post in the kitchen.

"As I was saying, there are too many unknown variables in this situation to prepare sufficiently, but I think we would be foolish not to plan for her newborn phase at all."

After a moment of consideration, Carlisle's emotions shifted to acceptance. "I agree, Jasper. As for the accuracy of Aro's assessment, I am uncertain. Edward gleaned too little for me to speculate, but I have to say very little truly escapes Aro's notice. I do, however, have a theory of my own…"

Jasper sent his coven leader a jab of impatience as he paused, organizing his thoughts. _And planning his omissions carefully,_ Jasper thought. Carlisle shook his head at Jasper, smiling ruefully but quickly sobering up.

"I believe her power is more subtle and infinitely more complex than a simple mental shield could ever be. Have I ever told you about my friend Siobhan?" Jasper sifted through stores of memories, unsure of where Carlisle was leading with this. Of course he remembered. He kept an updated roll of all vampires he came across or heard tales of – including their location, coven members, and gifts. Rhetorical or not, Carlisle waited for his answer.

_It's gonna be one of _those_ conversations._

"Siobhan, leader of the Irish coven? You believe she has a gift, even though she disagrees."

"She is the one. Siobhan has a way of simply willing a situation to work out, and it does. There is no solid proof and no way to test my theory, but I am most certain."

"How would such a thing work? She wills world peace, and so it will be?"

"No, I believe her power essentially has the same limitations as Edward's, Alice's, and your own. Time and space, along with energy investments and strength of power still apply…It is subtle and complex in nature, and I would imagine in practice as well. Of course, hers would be more useful if she believed it existed." Jasper wanted exact citations and proof. Cold. Hard. Facts. But then, he made the obvious connection Carlisle had been waiting for.

"You think Bella will have or already has a variation of that same power?" Jasper breathed. It was entirely too quiet in the house. It suddenly occurred to him that this was not a discussion to be had in a houseful of eavesdroppers, but he pushed that caution away as he did so many of his ingrained paranoid thoughts these days. It was ridiculous. No secrets existed in a house of vampires.

"I think Bella's gift will be just as hard to define, just as ungraspable as the concept of Siobhan's," Carlisle said gravely.

But how would Bella have blocked Edward's power before she knew of its existence? And Aro's as well? Why didn't she block Alice's sight or his empathic ability? Jasper knew better than to doubt Carlisle. If he had not already answered these questions for himself, he would not have even mentioned this theory aloud. Still, the unknowns rubbed Jasper. And he briefly wondered how someone could control a newborn who could just will it to be otherwise?

"I believe Edward was correct when he first surmised that her mind essentially runs on a different frequency than others. I believe he compared it to AM/FM radio," Carlisle chuckled humorlessly. "It allows her a sense of privacy in her own mind, making her gift virtually tamper proof. After a small amount of venom was introduced into her system during her altercation with James, her latent ability expanded. I would go as far as to theorize her knowledge of our existence has played a part in the progression of her ability while still in her human form as well. I considered the possibility of her being a mimic when she came to me about her dreams last year. You see, Bella's mind makes leaps between facts known and future possibilities in order for her to make decisions on what she would like to occur, and her conclusions manifest themselves through her subconscious in her dreams. I think it more likely she envied Alice's power, at one time or another, and her subconscious created a suitable substitution for what it could not will into being."

"How accurate are these dreams? What percent of what she sees becomes a reality? Could the same not be explained as coincidence or a mixture of her natural intelligence and knowledge she has been privy to?" Even for a vampire, this was a lot of information to process.

"Why does she appear so much more intuitive than the other humans we have encountered? Not once has another human unearthed our secret. We have had decades to perform, and thus perfect the charade. Yet, she saw through it all from the very beginning."

"Edward's behavior had a lot to do with that, Carlisle. But all of that occurred before she knew of Alice's gift," Jasper pointed out. Carlisle had always had a notable blind spot for his firstborn.

"Or did it? The day Edward saved her from Mr. Crowley's van, how did he know what would happen?" A question for a question. Carlisle, ever-patient, wanted him to come to the same conclusion he had reached all on his own. Jasper, ever-pragmatic, wanted to know exactly what they were dealing with and was losing his willingness to take the scenic route to the answers he sought.

"Alice saw-"

"Precisely! Is it such a leap to assume the same human mind, which first figured out Victoria's plot months ago and our secret prior to that, could have leapt to the conclusion Edward had been tipped off. But then who would have warned him? Alice was the only one standing beside him in the high school parking lot," Carlisle's words flowed faster as his eyes lit up. He always did like to discuss his latest findings.

It made sense, but then again, it didn't. This was the problem with discussing things with Carlisle. He could be very persuasive when he wished to be, and that persuasion tended to cause one to gloss over the obvious or the more uncomfortable truths to jump on his gung-ho bandwagon. He'd have converted every vampire in the Western hemisphere to vegetarianism if the damn fur didn't take forever to get out of your teeth and the blood wasn't one small step above slurping day-old cow patties.

* * *

Bella thrashed violently, bringing him out of the hellacious past to the fires of the now. She arched off the bed, her throat strained and swollen with the screams she tried to swallow. She should have known better.

He could still feel them.

* * *

**A/N: AND I made it this week with a few hours to spare. Lol! Big glomps and hugs to my beta, Stitchcat, who has had a house full of sick peeps and still made time for me, and HammerHips, who gives me the confidence I need to write what I want. **

**Remember, every time a reader reviews, a ninja gets his stealth. Do it for the ninjas!**


	14. Discoveries

**Chapter 13 - Discoveries**

Bella thrashed violently, bringing him out of the hellacious past to the fires of the now. She arched off the bed, her throat strained and swollen with the screams she tried to swallow. She should have known better.

He could still feel them.

* * *

Nerves ran like a current along his skin, jarring him so he felt that he'd come apart any minute. The emotions of the house got increasingly louder even as the noise dropped to near silence. Edward's human mate – no, she had a name and deserved to be thought of as an individual – _Bella_ was going to die.

Not as in the philosophical, somewhere in the far distant future. No.

Soon.

And they all knew it.

Alice returned only minutes before the first shipment of books. Jasper made the decision to talk to her several times, once even imagining himself on his knees before her, begging her to forgive him for whatever he did to piss her off. And then, there were decisions and fantasies that brought him to his knees in front of her for a much more enjoyable reason. He'd had no outlet for the lust and love he absorbed from the mated couples for far too long. There was no doubt she'd seen (and ignored) his intentions. But aside from a peck on the cheek in greeting, she ignored him completely and pranced up the stairs toward the attic.

Her emotions were shifting too quickly for him to get an accurate read, but underneath the deceit, love, anger, frustration, and false joy, she was truly content, and it concerned him all the more. But he had never questioned her on her emotions before, and he would not start now. Their relationship had been built on trust and blind faith since the moment he took her hand and walked out of that old Philly diner. It didn't matter where she had been or how many slips he'd made over the years, their love was never in question. And he constantly reminded himself of the constancy of their affections to get his legs to not follow her and demand answers for her peculiar behavior.

She would tell him what he needed to know in her own time. He had to trust in that, in her. Because without that, what else did he have?

Luckily, he had boxes and boxes of musty books reeking of wax and ink to keep him otherwise occupied. It was a blessing to have something to focus on.

_An __**incubus**__ (nominal form constructed from the Latin verb, __incubo, incubare__, or "to lay upon") is a demon in male form who, according to a number of mythological and legendary traditions, lies up__on sleepers, especially women, in order to have intercourse with them. Its female counterpart is the __succubus__. An incubus may pursue sexual relations with a woman in order to father a child, as in the legend of Merlin. Religious tradition holds that repeat__ed intercourse with an incubus or succubus may result in the deterioration of health, or even death._

Jasper snorted. It seemed like that was the ultimate threat in the human world. A flu's symptoms include stuffy nose, fever, sore throat and, if left untreated, death. They should just tack on "And dies" to everything they do or say. It seemed such a waste to allow the constant fear of death to prevent you from living to the max.

Whatever happened to the "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." Humans even feared the shadows. How absurd! It wasn't the shadow of a bus that killed you. It was the grill meeting your face at fifty miles per hour. But then again, he was an immortal.

_In Brazil and the rainforests of the__ Amazon Basin, the Boto is a combination of siren and incubus, a very charming and beautiful man who seduces young women and takes them into the river. It is said to be responsible for disappearances and unwanted pregnancies and it can never be seen by day__light, because it metamorphoses into that kind of river dolphin during those hours. According to legend the Boto always wears a hat to disguise the breathing hole at the top of its head._

Of course, a helmet of bronze hair did the job just fine, Jasper thought. If these reports had been about a vampire it would make sense that he would want to avoid the sun. Primitive humans went straight for the torches.

_According to the __Malleus Maleficarum__, exorcism is one of the five ways to overcome the attacks of __incubi, the others being Sacramental Confession, the Sign of the Cross (or recital of the Angelic Salutation), moving the afflicted to another location, and by excommunication of the attacking entity, "which is perhaps the same as exorcism." On the other h__and, the Franciscan friar Ludovico Mario Sinistrari stated that incubi "do not obey exorcists, have no dread of exorcisms, show no reverence for holy things, at the approach of which they are not in the least overawed."_

Spread across Carlisle's office were mounds and mounds of thick volumes, medical journals and a few of his own research journals. Jasper found the habit of journaling ridiculous for a vampire. Not only was it a waste of time, since one would never forget their findings or conclusions, but it was an unnecessary risk of exposure should they ever fall into the wrong hands. Just what they needed: more evidence of concealment, impropriety. Perhaps they would serve as fuel for their pyres. He reached for the nearest one, curious.

"'The Trauco, according to the traditional mythology of the Chiloé Province of Chile, is a hideous deformed dwarf who lulls nubile young women and seduces them,'" Emmett read aloud before laughing. "Well, that's one description I'll be putting to good use. Edwardo, the hideously deformed boypire with a dwarf between his legs – yep, it's fitting. He can't argue with history."

Jasper sent him a burst of humor, but otherwise kept his attention on the leather-bound notebook bearing the Volturi crest in his hand. It contained notes written in Carlisle's neat hand: Yada-yada, _eukaryotic organisms_, blah, blah, blah, _humanoid chromosomes. The idea is that these organisms originated from parasitic or symbiotic associations between originally free-living bacteria-like ancestors._

Scribbled hastily in the margins was, "Spirit or biological?" Jasper assumed he was attempting to settle the origins of the vampiric virus itself during his research, a subject that had been debated and debunked for eons. If it was biologically-based then it was bound by the rules and logic of science. But if it was spirit-based, there was no rhyme nor reason, and no way to predict cause and effect or the evolution of such. There was evidence on both sides, but enough contradictory information to prevent a suitable theory from being accepted.

_Any of these methods may permit a woman to become infected in a way that does not kill her immediately. Very dire problems might arise if a living woman infected with but a trace amount of venom were to later become pregnant. Consider that a very large proportion of human pregnancies, probably more than half counting from fertilization, abort spontaneously due to implantation failures or defects in the fetus. What happens if the dormant infection invades the inuterine fetus? Now a still-living woman is hosting something that, if it dies, will not stay dead. 64 cells, undead and hungry, might not become a problem. Be that as it may, it would behoove a woman in this situation to seek sterilization with all possible haste._

_Recommendation: Once exposed to any amount of venom, a human must be changed or extinguished to thwart the risk of exposure._

_The vampiric virus operates very much like conventional diseases. Among humans, some pathogens cross the placenta and affect the fetus while others do not. The outcome of the vampiric conversion of a pregnant woman would probably depend on whether or not the entity responsible for the infection does so. If it does, the fetus should be sustained by the infection quite as well as the woman would be. The fetus might or might not ever be born, but there is no reason to expect a miscarriage. If pregnancy progresses, the infant should be a vampire also. If the infection does not cross the placenta, a female vampire, almost certainly non-breathing, would be unable to support a still-human fetus. It would die, and, one hopes, miscarry promptly._

_Recommendation: Avoid conversion of a pregnant female. If it cannot be avoided, remove unborn child in first phase of venom conversion._

"What was he up to?" Jasper murmured to himself, shocked by his findings. In truth, he shouldn't be. Carlisle had always loved a good mystery, but his compassion had reigned over his insatiable curiosity. Here he actually recommended the termination of life. It was logical, and that Jasper could respect. But it was also contradictory to the fundamentals he held to be true about their coven leader.

He'd have to pay closer attention in the future.

Hours upon hours passed but nothing new surfaced. The legends were so eschewed by time and superstition it was impossible to root out any modicum of truth. And with each passing minute, each spike of pain from Bella, each fresh wave of fear, he became more anxious.

"Dude, rein that shit in. You've got me bouncing my knee over here."

Jasper didn't bother responding, just did as he was asked. He wasn't aware he'd been projecting. He hadn't been to this emotional breaking point in a couple of years. He needed release something fierce. As the thought occurred to him, he heard her soft, nimble footsteps. Alice was down the stairs and out of the house before he could draw in the air to ask her for help. Again, he had to stop himself from chasing after her.

"Sorry, man. I don't know what's gotten into her lately. I guess this mess with Bells has affected all of us more than we thought," Emmett whispered.

"It's fine." _It wasn't._ "You're probably right." _Lie._ "Let's just get back to work." _Please._

Emmett, not as thick as he appeared, shrugged, acknowledging Jasper's deflection, and turned his attention back to the book in his hands.

Frustration, irritation, anticipation, excitement, a thin streak of pain. Another two hours passed and Jasper felt Alice approaching the house again. He set his book aside, wondering what she was up to. He listened to Rose and Bella talking downstairs.

"Um, Rose? What exactly is that supposed to be?" Bella sounded mildly alarmed, and Emmett started laughing, before barely breathing an explanation. The more he talked, the more Jasper understood his reason for secrecy.

"Rose decided that anyone could buy a ton of stuff for the tadpole - and she has, by the way – but making something with her own hands would be more _special_." Emmett smiled, shaking with silent humor. "Sh-she is trying to crochet!"

"They're booties, of course."

"For who? Yoda?" Bella asked, and all of Emmett's attempts flew out of the window. He laughed so hard the shelf he was leaning against lost its top two rows of books. Rose's face must've been something else because Bella's guilt spiked and she rushed to reassure Rosalie. "I was just kidding, Rose. I think the baby is going to love them! Plus, he'll get to wear them longer since they're a bit big."

"At least the left one," Emmett added.

"Thanks, Bells. I'm hoping to get better by the time the baby makes his or _her_ appearance." Jasper felt Bella's stab of loneliness and longing, but her face must have betrayed her as well, because this time it was Rosalie rushing to soothe Bella. "Seriously, I wasn't offended Bella! Emmett's going to be performing solo for a while, but other than that, I'm not upset at all. Oh, what's wrong?"

Emmett swore at his bleak immediate future as Bella sniffled. "It wasn't you, Rose. Really! It was just that…" Jasper felt her desire and anxiety battle before determination took over. "Jake. He used to call me Bells. I miss him. That's all." And she did.

Jasper's nose crinkled remembering the smell and then his anger spiked remembering the scene at the wedding. That damn dog almost lost control with her in his oafish arms. The small growl from Em said his thoughts had travelled along the same lines.

"Oh," Rose huffed. Jasper could picture her nose stuck up high in the air with a look of disdain marring her beautiful features. Rose could be selfish at times, but she just didn't understand how much Jacob had done for Bella. As much as he hated to enlighten her, Jasper knew Bella needed someone to understand where she was coming from. She needed a friend.

"He was the only friend she had when we abandoned her. Not only did he save her life from Laurent and then again from herself when she went 'cliff diving', but he also held her together when she couldn't do it for herself. He loves her, and she loved him," Jasper finished quietly. He felt Rose soften, and smiled. She had her moments.

"Do you still love him, Bella?" Rose asked gently. Bella was startled, but sensing no judgment in Rose's question, she answered honestly.

"I'll always love Jake. He was my sunshine when I was alone in the dark. But I don't regret my choice. If I had to do it again, knowing everything I know now, I'd do the same. I said goodbye to him and the future he wanted long ago. I just wish I knew if he was okay. And I miss _my_ Jacob."

Jasper felt Rosalie's confusion. And he couldn't explain this one. _Her_ Jacob? He was under the impression that their relationship had never evolved, much to Jacob's chagrin. How one little human attracted the attention of so many supernatural creatures was beyond him. But then again, he was now counted among that number.

"_Your_ Jacob? Edward's clearly planted his flag in you already."

"Not like that! Jeesh, Rose!" Jasper could feel her embarrassment but knew there was no accompanying blush. There hadn't been in the last couple of weeks. "It's how I differentiate between pre-wolf Jacob and Sam's Jacob. He changed-" Emmett guffawed, "in more than one way after he shifted. He became angry, more aggressive, but there were times when my Jake would shine through. Putting up with him the rest of the time was almost worth those little glimpses of my Jake."

"I understand, Bella. I'm sorry you miss him. Maybe someday he'll stop chasing his tail and come to make amends. He'll have forever after all."

"Thanks, but I'm not sure that would be a good idea." Jasper could smell the fresh tears, and he hated the dog a little more for them. "I-I'll be no-nothing more than a _bloodsucker,_ a _l-leech_, to him. He once told me that it would be better for me to d-d-die." She broke down, but recovered fairly quickly. She shouldn't add worrying about the pup's sanctimonious opinions of vampires to her already heavy load. "I'd rather him remember me the way I was."

If Jasper thought she had any such feelings toward them, he might be a tad offended by her derogatory comments. He shook his head. No, he wouldn't. To be offended by someone's words, you had to care about that person and their esteem of you.

Still…her spewing the word bloodsucker with bitter vitriol was not something he wanted to hear directed at him. She had just been sharing Jacob's thoughts.

When Alice opened the front door, he made his way down the stairs to catch a glimpse of her. Judging by the smell, she did not return empty handed. Accompanying her sweet scent was the putrid smell of dead animal, some kind of grain based human food with a strong vinegar sauce, and the distinct scent of one –no, make that two humans. He could barely distinguish their individual scents, but the fact that he could tell them apart at all was a recent development. Usually when he concentrated, the bloodlust overtook him and he became too busy resisting to examine the varying intricacies.

"Hey, Alice," Bella smiled weakly from her place on the hospital bed that had replaced the couch. Carlisle wanted her to be as comfortable as possible and he needed to have quick access to her. The spare room upstairs had been turned into full-blown med suite. He'd been filling in for a few doctors at the local hospital as a "favor" to a colleague and had been smuggling home the supplies he couldn't get online on a daily basis. To soothe his conscience, he donated three times the cost of the supplies to the hospital anonymously. Her skin was thin and yellowing slightly with a waxy appearance. Jasper idly wondered if it would tear beneath his fingers easier than paper or if she would melt away like a candlestick past its prime…

"I haven't seen you around much."

"Sorry, Bella. The baby keeps blocking my vision. With distance, I can see around you but the effort takes its toll. I brought you a goodwill offering though! It's General Tso chicken from a little shop in the mall."

"Alice," Jasper warned quietly while Bella began to argue. Alice brushed them both off.

"Look. If you're going to just puke it up anyway, you might as well have something you like." Bella didn't look convinced. But why should she? They'd been down this road a few too many times. However, Jasper could feel Bella's gratitude and her eagerness to spend more time with Alice. If that meant throwing up chicken chunks and rice in half an hour, then so be it.

Alice had less tolerance for the _messy _parts of humanity than Rose, than any of them, if Jasper was honest. He couldn't fault her, though. She couldn't remember anything of human life before her change, so she had only a vampire's perspective. It was nice to see her breaking away from her own concerns and making an effort with Bella.

"Thanks, Alice. Will you help me sit up?" Alice skipped across the room, depositing the bag of disgusting Chinese food in the dining room along the way. Everyone seemed relatively happy – on the surface.

A spike of wanton desire tinged with hunger hit Jasper hard as Alice lifted Bella. He was across the room before another thought could register. "Alice, put her down," he said sharply, irritated by the extra lust. Alice looked up, shock playing in her golden eyes, as Em and Rose flanked her.

_Wait, golden eyes!_

"What's going on?" Rose asked quickly.

"I know I felt-" _bloodlust_. It was getting stronger again, but it wasn't coming from Alice. He focused on the source and his eyes shifted to Bella who had her face buried in Alice's shirt. She was confused, famished and ready to- "Alice, move back please."

Alice pulled away from Bella, uncurling her fists from her shirt one at a time as Bella sat there in shock with her mouth closed tightly. She had no idea what had just happened. Embarrassment.

"Bella, I want to try something." Curiosity.

"Sure, Jasper," she mumbled to her lap, refusing to look at any of them. He fetched the repulsive food Alice had brought in and made a quick plate for Bella. Then he sat it in her lap. She gagged, covering her mouth as she looked for Rose, who shoved Jasper aside and took Bella to the bathroom.

"What's going on, Jasper?" Emmett asked.

"When Alice leaned over Bella, I felt a spike of lust-"

"Well, Bells has been without for a while." Emmett wiggled his eyebrows salaciously.

"Not that kind-of lust, idiot! _Blood_lust." Bella's words from earlier came back to him.

Bloodsucker, bloodsucker, bloodsucker_, leech_. There really was one of them, inside her, sucking the life from her slowly. It was hard to think of the tadpole as a leech, but that's what he was – or at least, half of him. He was half vampire. And what did vampires want, crave, desire, above all?

Blood. _Human_ blood.

They'd been treating this pregnancy like a human pregnancy but what she was carrying was not human. Perhaps if they addressed the vampire needs of the baby, then it would remove some of the stress from Bella and allow her to recover. How had they missed this?

Rose had apparently reached the same conclusion. She spoke, carefully choosing each word, as she carried Bella back to her hospital bed. "Bella, you remember how that stupid book said that you would start to have cravings? That they were your body's way of seeking the vitamins or minerals it needed to support the extra life?"

Bella laughed uneasily, but nodded. "Yeah, that was the same chapter that said not to eat dirt or rocks, no matter how appetizing they appeared."

"Well, it didn't say anything about blood," Emmett muttered, but not quietly enough.

"What?" Bella asked, panicking. The tadpole gave a one-two combo and not only did Jasper feel her pain, he watched as the little guy reared up for another go. The sheet covering her stomach, shifted quickly, reminding him of a scene from _Aliens._ He was aggravated and he was _hungry_. Jasper gave Bella a strong dose of calm.

"Bella, calm down. We just want to talk to you about something." He waited until she agreed before he continued. "Now, what did you smell when Alice leaned over you?"

"I smelled her natural scent - honey and cherry blossoms – and," her nose wrinkled, "the Chinese food. And there was something else…A musky smell. I'm not sure what it was, but-" she hesitated.

"But what, Bella? It's okay."

"I wanted it," she whispered.

"You smelled a woman who brushed up against me with her wide load and the overly friendly cashier at that charming little baby boutique Rose and I were telling you about. He hugged me when I finished my order and set up shipping." Alice giggled. It was strange to Jasper that he didn't have any reaction to this, but then he brushed that aside. He didn't need to be jealous. They'd always been attractive to their prey. He was just secure in their love.

Bella sat shocked while Rose called Carlisle. It was actually convenient timing. Esme and he had been chasing down more blood to pad their supply for Bella.

"I know the thought and smell of blood disgusts you, but would you be willing to try just a sip for the baby?" Jasper asked, carefully monitoring her emotions. She was briefly horrified but then her desire flared followed rapidly by disgust before she settled on acceptance.

"Of course I will. It will be my first act as a real member of this coven!"

Emmett laughed and beamed with pride at her resilience. A thick, new hope mixed with relief swelled all over the room, and Jasper couldn't help but feel the same. It was too soon to think that this could be the turning point in this tragedy that she was starring in, but if they didn't hope for a miracle now, there might not be time for it later.

* * *

He'd been a damn fool. To worry over the trivial, missing the complete picture because he focused solely on the crooked frame. If he hadn't, maybe she wouldn't be this way…

As he siphoned as much of her pain away as he could, he curled around her writhing body.

_But then again, I wouldn't be this way eith__er_, he thought as the pain claimed his attention and he tried to lose himself in the past once more to distract from her present.

* * *

**A/N: Big thanks to my beta, Stitchcat, and my prereader, Hammerhips, for their general awesomeness and for helping me every step of the way with this fic. *Mwah***

**Again, review please! I like to know what y'all think. Plus, it's for the ninjas! (And I promise not to use their new stealth against you *winks*)**

**BTW- A lot of the quotes Jasper's reading were taken from my online "research". I just twisted a few for my own nefarious purpose.**


	15. Need

**Chapter 14- ****Need**

He'd been a damn fool. To worry over the trivial, missing the complete picture because he focused solely on the crooked frame. If he hadn't, maybe she wouldn't be this way…

As he siphoned as much of her pain away as he could, he curled around her writhing body.

_But then again, I wouldn't be this way_, he thought, as the pain claimed his attention and he tried to lose himself in the past once more, to distract himself from her present.

* * *

Jasper growled steadily until the pack's anger retreated. He'd been enjoying the atmosphere of the wedding before Edward's little _gift _arrived. That boy was still a practicing masochist, to no one's surprise. Alice had been in seventh heaven the last month, planning this wedding. They'd opened their home to humans and vampires alike, and miracle of miracles, everything was going smoothly.

Then Edward had to go invite the mutt. Their little love triangle was a tough situation, but Bella had made her choice. Rubbing the wolf's nose in their perfect future together didn't seem like the best idea. The pup was naturally unstable. And now, he was hurting as people only did when they got their hearts ripped out for the first time. Jasper was surprised he couldn't smell blood flowing from Jacob's chest as he was towed back to the puppy pound.

Edward twirled Bella back onto the dance floor past him and Emmett. No blood, no. But Jasper could smell her tears and feel her pain. Emmett ground his teeth, trying to find his happy place again. Edward and Bella deserved this day. This pledge of eternity that Edward craved and the farewell to humanity for Bella's sake. She would need this memory in days to come-

Jasper's thought was interrupted by a spike of shame and worthlessness from the groom himself.

_Eavesdropping, Edward? With Bella all lovely and warm in your arms, I'd imagine your mind would be more…pleasantly engaged. _

Flashes of flesh against flesh, bodies writhing and tongues exploring flickered in his mind. Irritation. So, he was right. Edward was listening in. Jasper briefly considered replaying his and Alice's last bit of alone time, but since it was Edward's first wedding, perhaps a little mercy would be his gift. At least it was easier to wrap than all of the lacy bits Ali had procured.

_I was just thinking that she'd need this memory to be a good 'un. You know the newborn year is not an easy one._

Unbidden memories of venom coated teeth snapping at his neck and mounds of dismembered newborns floated to the surface of Jasper's mind. Anger.

_Don't start. That was my past, not her future. But she will be changed. It's __a __done deal, brother. Now, accept it and enjoy your wedding._

Petulance.

_Really, Edward? I'm a mite disappointed. But if you ruin thi__s otherwise perfect day for Ali, I guarantee your status as a virgin will remain intact for the rest of the decade. _

"What's going on?" Emmett asked quietly, eyeing the wedding cake again.

"Ah, nothing. Edward is being…_Edward_. I hope one of those shiny boxes contains a whip. Maybe some sackcloth and ashes. If he's gonna beat himself up, he might as well do it properly." Emmett snorted. "You know that food tastes like it smells. Why are you still eye-balling it?"

"We need to keep up the show, Jay! Just doing my part. I mean, with all of these big, bulging muscles, who'd believe I don't do cake?"

"Sure, Em. But I'm not holding your hair back when it ricochets."

"You're thinking of your girly mane, Goldilocks. I got man hair. Don't need no help."

Selfishness and pain. Bella was struggling to get a hold as Edward whirled her around the dance floor, so Jasper listened in once more. This was getting ridiculous.

"It's over," Bella said. "Let's not think of it again tonight."

But Edward was too busy brooding to answer her. Em turned his attention to the newlyweds as well.

"Jacob is right. What am I thinking?" Edward whispered to Bella, but Jasper shouted a reply only meant for Edward.

_Wasn't this a discussion for before the __vows!_

"He is not. Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly," Bella pled with him.

"I should let him kill me for even thinking of taking you physically. I'm reprehensible."

_So, that's what this is about. Sex? Edward, you won't hurt her. We've h__ad this talk many times over. Hell, you've had this talk with everyone, plus been privy to most of our own intimate moments. Sex Ed doesn't get any more in depth._

"Stop it! You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?" Bella was determined to be strong for him. Why couldn't he do the same for her?

"Yes," Edward sighed.

_That was convincing. Cold feet is really unbecoming on a man your age. Or should I say boy?_

"Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise that you'll let this go."

Edward hesitated and Jasper imagined kicking his ass. Judging by the devious chuckle Em let out, he'd been doing the same. "I promise."

"Thank you. Edward, I'm not afraid." Of course she wasn't. She'd been begging him to take this step for almost a year. Even if she was, though, she would never let him see it. She had real metal running through her veins.

"I am," he whispered.

Apprehension. Excitement. Love. Dread. And stone cold fear. Jasper felt for Edward. They all did. It was hard finding the love of your life in such a breakable package. But it was what it was. No use making it harder than it had to be. If he'd trust himself and her, too, they would come out of this whole and much less tense. Jasper smirked.

"Don't be." She was always so stubborn, so sure of him. "By the way, I love you." And weren't they all lucky she did.

"I'm fixing to barf and I didn't even get to try the cake," Emmett complained.

"That's why we're here," Edward said. Finally Emmett had enough of Emofest: Wedding Style.

"You're monopolizing the bride! Let me dance with my little sister. It may be my last chance to make her blush."

"Be careful, Emmett," Edward warned, like they would ever forget how fragile she was. Like Edward would ever let them.

As Edward made his way over, Jasper said, "It's a good thing Em isn't easily offended. I mean, he did have your precious porcelain human in his big bear claws when you delivered that warning."

"I know, you're right, Jasper. I'm just nervous."

_I get tha__t, man, but relax. This is one of the best days of your life. Enjoy it!_

"Thank you, brother. Now I believe I owe Ali a dance."

"Yes, you do. If you forget, she'll make us all redo this in a decade to make it up to her. Hell, she might be holed up somewhere already so we'll have to do just that." He wouldn't put it past her. Alice had a way of getting what she wanted. Many ways, in fact. As Edward chuckled, Alice appeared in front of Jasper, bouncing a little to kiss his lips.

"Jasper Hale, are you poking fun at your fabulous, under-appreciated wife?"

"I wouldn't dream of poking you, Ali. At least, not until we're alone," he whispered lowly.

"Well, that's enough of that. Alice, let's show them how it's done."

Alice winked, which Jasper took as a promise for later, and glided toward the dance floor hand-in-hand with Edward. Being the odd man out had not been easy for him as the years wore on. He deserved a bit of happy; they all did.

Joy was thick in the air, mirroring the sweet, sweet scent of the thousands of hanging blossoms as the song came to an end. Jasper checked his bloodlust. It was manageable. But as Jessica Stanley edged closer and closer like a hippo attempting stealth, he began to plan his escape.

"…and don't make him do all the work," Emmett said, but it was the heat of Bella's embarrassment that caught Jasper's attention.

_Perfect timing._

Before Bella could do much more than proclaim, "Emmett!" Jasper was tapping Em on the shoulder.

"May I have this dance?"

"Oh, thank God!"

"But I was just getting to the good part." Emmett winked at Bella, and she shrank back. For once, she was truly afraid of one of them.

"Emmett, you can't hog our new sister. Besides, Rosalie is looking for you." His lust spiked. Bingo!

"My class is more geared for advanced (and flexible) students anyway. Best wait for a couple of years." Emmett laughed, hugged her gently, and passed her hand in his to Jasper. As her shining doe eyes looked up, he was surprised at how beautiful she looked. She fit here with them.

_Alice did a__ damn good number on the human._

Nervousness. Worry. Jasper cocked his eyebrow at the girl in his arms. "Unless you'd rather have another go with Emmett? Or I could fetch Newton for you." The lust radiating off of that one could rival Em's, except Emmett's lust always had a single target. Mike's was for anything with a pair of decent stems and two breasts. But he did have a preference for Bella that was not good for his health.

Embarrassment. "No!" Her hand held his tighter and he placed his other on her slender waist as they started to sway to the music. "I just hate to make you uncomfortable at your own house."

Of course she was worried about his bloodlust. He'd carefully kept his distance since their return to Forks. He didn't want to be the catalyst for another Cullen melodrama. Bella and he would have the rest of eternity to get better acquainted. Patience, and time, he had in spades. But it was irksome that he hadn't anticipated her worrying for him. After all, wasn't she the breakable one?

"And I'd hate to make you uncomfortable at your own wedding, so how about I find you a more suitable partner?"

"No, please, Jasper. I'm fine if you are." She examined his eyes, and he let her. She had nothing to fear…unless blood was spilt. They spun quietly around the makeshift dance floor together. Nothing fancy, just them. Slowly, her shoulders relaxed, and then the rest of her followed.

She was so soft, so warm. Her cheeks were flushed a lovely rose as her eyes were seeing some other place or time. She reminded him of what the sun felt like as a human. Sure, he could still feel its warmth on the rare bright day, but never absorb it. It reflected off of their skin, mocking, reminding them that they weren't human. But Bella's heat soaked right through his hard flesh, through muscle and sinew and warmed him to the bone.

It felt amazing after being cold for such a long, long time.

_Maybe it's time to go hunting for some real game_, Jasper thought, admiring her lovely blush once more. The song cut off and, oblivious, Bella was swept away before Jasper could realize where his thoughts had suddenly led.

Disappointment. Resignation. One source was one the dance floor, so he looked toward the left, toward the other, knowing exactly the look that awaited him on his wife's beautiful face. It was one part anger, one part exasperation, and two parts disappointment. Her aura of resignation is what stung. She thought he'd never change.

The fact that he could still hear Bella's heart beating strong and true proved that he had. Would it ever be enough?

He'd have to hunt before they returned. Edward would convince Bella to postpone her change as long as he could. Which meant no more gold eyes for Jasper. He felt Edward's disgust mingled with approval.

_Anything for Bella, right, brother?_

Jasper was surprised at the bitterness he felt. Edward was a hypocrite. The value of one life was not equal to another. Not where Bella was concerned. Not that the golden boy would ever admit it aloud. Jasper freely admitted he'd kill anything that threatened Alice or their way of life. Somehow, this coven – this family - felt it made him less than them. He didn't know about that. He only knew his honesty made him more himself.

Did Edward not care about the guilt or shame that would come with Jasper's "slip"? What of the emotions he'd endure during the kill? Jasper pushed those thoughts aside as quickly as they'd popped up. Bella was now a member of their family, which meant he'd do anything to keep her safe. He'd never felt guilty for that before; damned if he'd start now. As for the emotions, Alice could certainly help on that end. She was his light, his life, his salvation.

* * *

How could she burn and still remain? How could she have died twice over and yet still draw breath? The air whispering against her skin hurt, as did his frantic hold on her. But one she couldn't change, and the other, she never would.

Not until the time came.

* * *

Complete nirvana. Transcendent happiness and perfect contentment, blowing out the hellish fires of greed, hatred, and delusion. No pain or fears; just blessed bliss. Completely and utterly.

She was flying.

When the first drop of blood touched her tongue, it stirred something within her; she had to have _more_. Always more until the straw brought nothing but air and for a time, she flew. There was no pain. No future; no present. Nothing but her and her body humming.

Then she felt the heat. The gentle hum grew until it shook open her core and her desire bloomed. She was all want and fire; passion licked at her even as her happiness swarmed about. It was perfect; it was lacking.

It was nirvana.

If only someone would touch her…

"What's wrong with her?" Esme asked as Bella's eyes rolled back and she sighed deeply. Rose lay her head down and stepped back to watch in confusion with the rest of them. Finally, Jasper answered.

"Nothing. Bella's experiencing the same thing we do after a feed – just tampered down a bit." Jasper tried to inconspicuously adjust his growing problem as comprehension struck around the room. He heard Alice's phone vibrate above, but she didn't answer. He couldn't feel her in the house either. _Figures._

Vampires were instinctual creatures, especially when it came to basic needs – feeding, mating, fighting. The fulfilling of one carnal lust usually lead to the other. It was why Edward hunted so prim and proper. It was a miracle he didn't simply order a beast to be dropped on the dining room table while he sat with his napkin tucked just so. He claimed he didn't want to 'defile' his body during a moment of weakness.

Apparently Bella did not have the same inhibitions.

Her legs shifted under the sheet. He could hear her desperately trying to find some friction even as Esme futilely tried to keep her covered. He ran his open palm along his zipper line, and barely contained the groan.

"Someone please get her some more blood," Jasper begged. The last weeks had been difficult and she wasn't out of the woods yet. More blood would serve more than just the distraction he so desperately needed. She needed to fulfill at least one hunger. He had to get control of himself. But it was too hard.

Everything was hard.

He'd been without for longer than he cared to remember and there, right in front of him, emanating heat and wanton desire was _Bella_.

"Do you think it's because it's human blood?" Esme asked, concerned.

"Only the best for our babe! She said it smelled good, though. And it seems she liked the taste too. So we're on the right track."

"Rosalie, don't get too carried away. We don't even know if she will be able to keep this pint down."

"Well, someone has to be optimistic, Carlisle. I'll go warm up another cup." Rose practically skipped away, ignoring Carlisle's pleas to wait and see.

"Hurry," Jasper ground out. She was ravenous. And since there was nothing they could do for her prominent desire, the least they could do was feed her.

"Well, there'll be no going vegetarian for Bella after this, huh, bro?" Emmett elbowed Jasper, grinning wickedly.

Secretly, Jasper hoped he was right. It would be nice to have someone who had experienced even a fraction of true feeding to struggle with their Brady way of life here. Maybe he wouldn't be alone in that regard anymore.

Among the Cullens, only Edward had partaken for any length of time, and even then, he was controlled and selective, never fully surrendering to the beast within. Never fully understanding the part of himself he loathed so utterly.

"Here, Bella," Rose propped Bella up once more and put the straw to her lips. Bella began great pulls immediately. "There you go. You're one of us already."

"She was already one of us, Rosalie," Jasper snapped. Rose quirked a brow in his direction but said nothing as she murmured simpering praise to Bella. He had to admit, you could already see the difference. Her cheeks had gained a bit of color, as had her lips. And she was almost sitting up without assistance.

"Son, why don't you go hunt? We'll call you if there are any changes." Anxiety. Fear. Carlisle was on edge.

_Maybe he'd noticed the way I was staring at Bella_ _or maybe it was __m__y dark eyes and my quick temper. Either way, time to hunt_.

"Want me to come show you how it's done, Jay?" Emmett hopped up and was halfway to the door before Jasper answered.

"Nah, I've been scrounging up my own dinner since before you were a twitch in your Pa's pants."

"Jasper!" Esme chastised. For heaven's sake, he was a grown man for long before _she_ had been born! Still, he hated to upset their pseudo-mother, the same as the rest of her 'children'.

"Sorry, Esme." He felt Carlisle's gratitude as he turned to leave. "Seriously, Em, I'm just gonna grab some fast food. You should stay."

Understanding. Acceptance. Yes, Emmett was definitely not as thick as he acted.

Since he'd come across Carlisle's notes, Jasper had been wary of leaving Carlisle alone with Bella. On one hand, he felt crazy for doubting their patriarch. But Jasper could not quiet his analytical mind any more than Carlisle could stifle his telling emotions. He just felt better if Rose wasn't Bella's only defender while he was away.

Maybe I'll find Ali somewhere out there waiting for me, Jasper thought as he sped into the west woods. And Rose thought she was the optimist.

* * *

But she couldn't save her child.

* * *

Many changes had happened in the last week. The most notable was Bella's increased _appetite _but no one could deny she had improved beyond their wildest hopes. She looked almost healthy, and though she still had her perpetual worry and longing, she was happier as well. The medical bed had been moved back up to the makeshift hospital suite and the furniture had been returned to its place. It seemed like life as normal. But life as normal shouldn't have been so difficult to act out.

As Bella gained strength, so did the babe. The night after Bella's new diet had begun, the tadpole cracked a rib. Jasper tried to calm him as Rose rushed her upstairs to Carlisle, but it only agitated him further. The child could feel the manufactured feelings and he did not appreciate being manipulated.

So while they appeared calm and happy, there was a constant air of palpable tension. They waited for the next gasp or shot of pain. They waited for the tower of blocks they'd been laboriously building to collapse around them, shattering this grand illusion. And they hoped that when – not if it happened, but _when_ - it would not take her with it.

A small crack resounded followed by a low, pained cry. Bella was curled on the couch, panting. Rosalie held her while Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett all hovered. Jasper stood uselessly at the base of the steps, watching his wife flit through the door with her damn cell in her hand. And he knew exactly who she was updating.

Any day now, it would all fall. Their precariously stacked lives would collapse and like Humpty Dumpty, all the king's horses and all the king's men…

A flicker of motion caught his eye, diverting his twisted Mother Goose ponderings. Alice. She hovered at the top of the stairs, staring down into the room with her hands pressed against her temples. Pain. It was everywhere, as death had been before it.

"Bella?"

"Give me a second, Carlisle," Bella panted.

"Bella, I heard something crack." The anxiety in the room doubled. "I need to take a look."

"Pretty sure" pant "it was a rib. Ow. Yep, right here."

She had grown stronger, yes. But she was still much too weak for what she carried.

"I need to X-ray now. There might be splinters. We don't want to puncture anything."

Bella tried to take a deep breath and winced. "Okay." Rose lifted Bella carefully and everyone made to follow.

"Only Bella will be allowed in the room," Carlisle said, addressing only the vampires in the room. Rose started to argue, but Carlisle hissed lowly. "No arguing. She has too many hematomas dangerously close to the surface. Her scent is stronger when she's undressed. No one has been hunting regularly, and we can't afford a slip-up now."

Jasper felt eyes on him, but he simply proceeded up to his room. Carlisle was right. They didn't have to like it, but it was what it was. She was in danger every moment she was with them. They should be all too willing to make concessions for her safety when they could. This wasn't a big sacrifice. Jasper had grown fond of the little tadpole in the weeks past; he didn't want to hate him. He didn't want to feel the disgust he knew he would feel when he glimpsed Bella's blackened, misshapen midsection. But still, he felt useless.

He couldn't even sedate the babe. At least not with his gift…

Jasper paced in front of his bookshelves for only a minute before he reached for his old Martin Dreadnought, he half expected her to be covered in dust as a testament to her neglect. But with Esme dusting, polishing, and buffing everything in sight these days, of course she was shiny. Jasper played softly, enjoying the feel of her steel strings beneath his fingertips while he tuned her and listening to what was happening in the med suite.

Bella gasped, "Is that an X-ray machine? But how? I doubt that could fit in your Mercedes."

Carlisle chuckled, pointing to himself. "Vampire doctor."

Bella would have chuckled, but it was hard with her jaw on the floor. Carlisle joked? It had been a while since there was real life in the house. Tears welled up in her eyes, and he smiled gently as he helped her lay back on the table.

When he lifted her shirt for the first time in two days, he hissed. It was his turn to be shocked, but she didn't want to spoil the lighter mood yet.

Bella pointed to herself. "Fragile human carrying miracle of life." Rose chuckled from the other side of the door, but Carlisle stoically went to stand behind the controls. "He just doesn't know his own strength."

She breathed on command and turned on command, all the while seeing Carlisle's beautiful face set in stone. She shouldn't even be here, making their lives harder than fate already had. Her own husband no longer wanted her, why should his family? Her nudger kicked and began balling up as the tears fell. She was once again letting her emotions affect him. But she couldn't seem to stop. The guilt, the anger, the love and gratefulness – it was all too different, all too strong. But as dizziness threatened to resurrect her breakfast, she heard a sweet tune playing. While she strained to miss none of the tune, a voice accompanied the guitar.

"I waited for you today, but you didn't show. I needed you today. So where did you go?  
You told me to call, said you'd be there. And though I haven't seen you, are you still there?" Rose joined in as the music came closer. He had to be right outside the door. "I cried out with no reply and I can't feel you by my side. So I'll hold tight to what I know - you're here and I'm never alone."

She didn't know what made him choose that song – whether it was for her or Alice somewhere – but she didn't care. The words, their meaning, wrapped around her, soothing her emotional maelstrom. And apparently her nudger agreed. He slowed and settled as she listened, absentmindedly patting her stomach while she waited on Carlisle's next order.

She may have deserved to be alone, but she wasn't. Not here; not ever. The babe gave one more tap and then stilled. Bella smiled and whispered a quiet, "Thank you."

That night, after her ribs were taped, her pint was drained, and her lusty euphoria had passed, they gathered to watch _Dracula_ (Em's idea of a classic comedy). Unable to hear over Emmett's guffaw and absurd, alternate, running dialog, Bella turned to Jasper, who was sitting in a chair next to the foot of the couch. "So, you've been holding out on me."

Jasper looked up from his book and set it patiently to the side. She'd feel bad for interrupting him, but he wasn't really reading anyway; more like concentrating on the pages themselves. Besides, if he wanted to do something so solitary, he would have retreated to his room.

"Pardon?"

"Don't go all clueless on me, Jasper! Not only can you dance, but you play and sing as well?"

Emmett snorted. "Yeah, we're your average, everyday von Trapp family 'round here." Jasper watched Bella for a blush, but instead he witnessed something much better. She picked up the remote from the coffee table and hurled it at Em's head. The oaf was too shocked to dodge and it shattered across his forehead like a wave breaking on the rocks.

"Bella!" Esme cried, but even she couldn't help but giggle.

"Sor-"

Rose reached over and covered Bella's mouth. "What are the guidelines for apologizing?" Bella mumbled a reply. "That's right, sister mine. And are you absolutely certain you did something wrong?" Bella's eyes shifted from Em to Esme then back to Rose. She shook her head. "And is there someone else here to blame?" Bella's eyes cut to Emmett lightning quick. "Exactly," Rose said smugly as she removed her hand and settled back on her end of the couch.

"Em, what if you would have upset little CJ?" Bella's face and voice were both stern as she cradled her stomach, but her dark eyes twinkled. However, no one paid any attention to that.

"CJ?" Esme asked, completely baffled.

Bella looked down at her lap, fiddling with the blanket covering her lap.

"It's just something I've been kicking around. Nothing set in stone or anything."

"The C is Charles, we know that, Bells, but what's the J stand for?" Carlisle looked from Bella's slightly blushing, highly embarrassed form to Jasper, still shocked, as Rose sighed, "Please tell me it's not after the _dog_!"

"Well, I-" But whatever she was, they would never hear. Jasper leapt into a crouch in front of the couch with his back to Bella. "What is it?" Bella whispered as one by one the vampires registered someone approaching. Emmett joined Jasper, as did Rosalie on his other side. Alice suddenly appeared at the foot of the stairs. Esme stood silently, wringing her hands together as Carlisle walked calmly toward the door.

But before he reached it, the door opened and in stepped-

"Edward?"

* * *

He couldn't save her heart.

* * *

**A/N: The song is Barlow Girl****'s Never Alone. And there are portions of this chap (as well as the rest of the story) taken directly from BD. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Hugs and glomps to my beta, Stitchcat, and my prereader, HammerHips.**


	16. Delay

**Chapter 15-**** Delay**

How could she burn and still remain? How could she have died twice over and yet still draw breath? The air whispering against her skin hurt, as did his frantic hold on her. But one she couldn't change; and the other, she never would.

Not until the time came.

She couldn't save her child.

He couldn't save her heart.

* * *

"Edward?" Bella peered around Jasper's back, uncertain if he was really here. Maybe he was just a figment of her imagination. Maybe her bloodlust haze was still mucking up her thoughts, making her see whos who were not.

"Who else would it be, love?" That was definitely Edward's silky voice, and she recognized that damn crooked grin she fell in love with. But surely he hadn't just waltzed back in here like the last month had been a dream. If it were only that easy…

"Edward?" Bella whispered, still unsure whether to trust her senses. Her eyes drank him in, her ears longed for his voice, but it was her heart that split in two. Half leaping toward the only boy she'd ever loved; the other begging for a hasty retreat, anxious to save her only reason for being.

"What are you doing here?" Rose's tone mirrored her skin – hard, cold, flawless.

"This is my home, Rosalie." His jaw tensed.

"Not anymore."

Edward growled, turning toward Emmett. "She is _my_ wife!"

Emmett snorted. "You finally remembered that, did ya?"

"I never forgot."

"You never forgot? You know what you are Edward-" Rosalie took a step forward, only to be intercepted by Emmett and blocked by Carlisle. Looking to their patriarch, Rose sneered. "Afraid I'll hurt your precious boy?"

"That is quite enough, Rosalie. We are all civilized adults here," again Emmett snorted, tightening his hold on Rose, "and we will behave as such. Do I make myself clear?"

"Oh, _Dad, _you're perfectly transparent."

"Rosalie!" Esme gasped, moving to stand by her mate. But Rose said nothing, shrugging off Emmett's massive arms and moving to sit on the arm of the couch Bella was still beached on.

"Rosalie is right," Jasper began quietly, straightening out of his crouch but not moving from his place between Bella and Edward. "Bella needs to stay calm, Carlisle, you said so yourself. And as soon as the shock of this _reunion_ wears off, she's gonna be anything but."

"And he needs a bath. What did you do? Take your frustrations out on a skunk before you rolled around in some sewage pond?"

"Rosalie Hale!" Esme scolded. It seemed the only thing she could say at the moment.

Bella wasn't in shock, but she couldn't make her mouth co-operate to argue the point. Had Edward always looked so tired? Had his eyes always been so black, so lifeless? Maybe he should drink from her cup. It'd done wonders for her…

"What are you to _my_ wife, Jasper? Have you really traversed the span from executioner to her self-proclaimed protector during my brief absence?"

"If needs be."

"And who, exactly, does she need protecting from?" Edward asked, and he must have got his answer because the next second he crouched, growling. Defining the word feral with every twitch of his body, every shift of his obsidian eyes. Edward had always said Bella was the angry kitten, but now that's what he looked like – an angry, trapped kitten, desperate for escape. In a blur, Carlisle grabbed Edward from behind.

"Son, I know this is upsetting but if you lose control, you could harm Bella. You could hurt your wife and unborn child." Betrayal, sharp and deep, sliced across Edward's perfect features, but he composed himself and took a step back farther into Carlisle's hold.

"I apologize, Carlisle. Of course, you are right. _I _can control myself." Every head turned to Jasper, waiting for his response in true Wimbledon form.

Anger started to break through the fog, cracking the translucent shield of shock that had encased Bella since Edward's arrival, threatening to bring reality crashing down upon her. But now that it had shattered, there would be no restoration. Reality, it seemed, would have its way.

How dare he march in here and do anything but grovel? He'd once again broken a promise, and now he had the nerve to insult those who had done nothing but support – and love – her and their unborn child!

But as quick as the anger had taken hold, it vanished like curls of smoke through her fingertips. Bella shook her head and then noticed Jasper's tense posture.

"Oh," she murmured. Once again, wrapped in her own drama, she'd overlooked the one who had no choice but to feel every ebb and flow of her torrential emotions. Her cheeks flushed in her shame.

"Don't." Jasper didn't spare her a glance. And her shame and regret grew with every breath.

"My _b__rother _is right, love. He is the one who could not control his gift. You have no reason to feel guilty or even responsible."

This time, the anger was all hers. The other vampires held their collective breath, looking on with poorly contrived mixed masks of horror and glee. They knew this supersized Bella, and they'd heard the condescending tone of Edward's voice even clearer with their super senses.

"I was not patronizing her. It is just silly to be upset over something so trivial at a time such as this."

The vampires' heads tilted her direction as Bella's heart quickened its pace and the baby began to stir.

"Carlisle," Jasper warned just loud enough for Bella to hear. "He's upsetting her and the tadpole. I can't influence Bella without him picking up on it." With Carlisle's silent indecision, Jasper changed tactics. "His eyes are pitch black. He needs to hunt."

Edward scoffed but Carlisle approached him firmly, yet cautiously. "Your brother is right, son. It's been too long since we've hunted together. Let us go grab a bite."

"And after he wipes your chin for you, maybe you can ask him the correct procedure for removing your foot from your mouth. 'Cause, Eddikins, it's wedged way down there and nothing short of 24 carat is gonna get it out."

"That's not helpful, Emmett," Alice scolded, skipping to Edward's side and taking his arm. "Come on, Edward. Bella just needs some time to think. Jasper overloaded her before. You know it takes time for the effects of his power to wear off."

Anger seemed to be the emotion of the day. As they pranced off, Bella closed her eyes and tried to focus on each breath.

In and out, in and out, in and out.

Oh! But their words! Their _tone_!

CJ gave a sharp jab and she remembered why she couldn't just give into the urge to throw her (now considerable) weight around, why she couldn't give them exactly what they deserved. She was too angry – and enjoying the images of her teeth slicing through the perfect skin of their necks like butter too much – to acknowledge that the babe was only a small part of the reason she couldn't give in to her anger. Reality being the greater.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice, soft and deep, broke the silent wake of their departure. "I-" Bella's hand shot up.

"Don't." When he opened his mouth again, Bella interrupted. Again. "I could ask Rose to close your mouth for you…"

To this, he guffawed and brought life back to the dread-drenched, still frames they'd been frozen in since Edward's arrival.

"Bella, surely you're not going to just let him barge in after-"

"Rose, I think Bella needs a drink," Jasper interrupted quietly. "What do you say to some semi-fresh O-neg? I've heard it's a good year." Bella watched as his tongue peeked out to wet his pink lips, but as her eyes shot up to meet his, she saw they were black. He was-

"Hungry?" she asked quietly, longing to run her fingers along the shadows beneath his haunted eyes. Jasper took a quick step back.

"You worried?" He asked with a guarded expression. Such a silly question for an empath, but if he needed reassurance, she didn't have a problem giving it. Again and again if need be.

"Only _for_ you."

"So stop being an ass and help her sit up. Rosie's got her pick-me-up," Emmett added, moving to hover around the back of the couch while his hands fluttered uselessly. Bella had done something no other woman except Rosalie had ever managed: Emmett felt insecure. Hell, he was afraid to touch her now. Too fragile.

As Bella inhaled the intoxicating scent of the warm blood waiting for her, Rose pulled Emmett onto the loveseat. Jasper sat on the arm of the couch, prepared to catch her or the cup of blood should his assistance be required.

With the first sip, the firm grip of tension nestled in each of her muscles released and she slumped in her bliss. Wonderful and freeing. It was only in those few seconds she understood how people could become addicted to drugs. If only she'd known it could be this sweet.

But Jasper just had to ruin it.

"Bella, I wanted-" She lifted the cup back to her lips but his hand caught hers before bliss could be reached. She was so close…

"Talk first. Blood second."

She growled. They laughed.

"Fine," she huffed. "But you'll be reheating it."

"Bella, I-" he started. But she wasn't done yet.

"I was even going to offer you a little somethin' somethin'. Just a sip; nothing that would make your eyes go all creepy."

Jasper growled lightly, but it had no anger behind it. How could it with Rose and Em barely containing their chuckles not five feet away?

"Are you going to listen to me, little human?"

"Wow. From close friend to anonymous food source in one conversation. Harsh."

"I'm sorry about-"

"No," she shook her head stubbornly. "That's exactly why I don't want to do this." She waved in between them, like that explained.

"What?" He was lost.

"Look, I'm still not sure that deal with _Ed-Edward_ wasn't all my own anger arriving just a little late, so really, no apologies."

"Well, I am certain, but I wasn't apologizing for that – just for the little human jab."

"Oh! You weren't?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then what did you want before the species slur?"

"You mean you're going to let me talk?" Bella nodded, almost blushing. Whether a result from her chagrin or his little playful wink, neither was quite sure. "I was going to ask…"

"Yes?" Bella prompted warily.

"Don't play the obtuse human. It doesn't suit any sister of mine," Rose, who had been strangely silent, joined the conversation. "He wants to know the same thing as the rest of us – next to the question of whether you're actually going to forgive that-"

"Rose," Esme warned from her place at the top of the grand staircase.

"CJ! What does the J stand for?" Rose tilted her head toward Jasper and Bella quickly looked down at her fidgeting hands.

Bella couldn't think of a way to explain her choice. And now that Edward was back – if he was back to stay – he would have a say so as well. She didn't want to divide the family anymore than she had already; she wouldn't be the wedge again. They were fractured enough.

With her decision made, she looked up into those familiar dark eyes - those eyes that left her feeling safe and secure but not weak; those eyes that expressed his need to be protected as well. And her resolve crumbled.

"Jasper. Charles Jasper. I-if that's okay with you, of course?"

Jasper's eyes searched her face as she was sure his gift was rifling through her emotions, looking for a smidge of doubt, of insecurity, of jest. But he wouldn't find one. She'd had more time than she cared to remember on her hands lately. And regardless of what Emmett thought, there were only so many episodes of reality shows she could watch before she went insane or her thoughts wandered. Preferably the latter. And when the inevitable happened, they wandered right into the near future.

What would her nudger look like? Color of his hair, his eyes, the shape of his nose. Would he have his father's long, piano fingers or her habit of biting her nails? Would he be more human or would he arrive seeing, hearing, soon knowing more than she had in her entire life? Would she be a better mother than her mother and her mother before her? Would her father ever know he had a grandchild? That all of the heartache she had put him through was worth it, because the result was this one, unique, perfect being.

Would he sleep through the night? Would he prefer blood to milk or maybe a mixture of both? Was she strong enough to stay human if her child was destined to lead a mortal life? Was she willing to leave him for his own safety if her change was imminent?

Of all the questions she'd asked herself, the name one was rather simple and simply set. As long as Jasper didn't have any objections…

"Say something, Jazzman, before she goes to her plan B: Emmett Jr."

"I'd consider it the biggest honor of my dishonorable extended life." Sincerity flowed from his words, from his body, as a large smile stretched across his face. Bella couldn't help but think he looked even more like an angel when he smiled. But she called him her hero when he pressed her cup back in her hand and took his place back by her side.

The happiness, the contentment, she knew would be fleeting, but she sipped her cup and slipped back into that red bliss, hoping to forgo the inevitable for as long as she could.

* * *

She hid in her drug of necessity, of choice, while the future strong and greedy sought to end everything.

And he had a front row seat through it all.

She ground her teeth and locked her burning joints in place, thinking how little things had truly changed.

* * *

**Author's Note: Beta'd by the amazing Stitchcat. **

**Thanks to all who read and review! I really appreciate ya'll being so patient for updates.**** They'll come more quick like in the new year…hopefully.**


	17. Compromise

**AN: Ola! *waves sheepishly* Soooooo, it's been a while. For a full list of excuses, see my profile page. I am so sorry for the long break, but I will finish this fic. Hopefully, this year. I've recently published some original work. If you're interested, you can get the deets from my profile page as well. PM me with any questions, concerns, hate mail, etc.**

**Any mistakes are mine. I was impatient to publish this chap, so this is not beta'd. Whenever it's polished, I'll be sure to update it. **

* * *

** Chapter 16 Compromise**

She hid in her drug of necessity, of choice, while the future strong and greedy sought to end everything.

And he had a front row seat through it all.

She ground her teeth and locked her burning joints in place, thinking how little things had truly changed.

* * *

Bella wasn't sure what she'd expected to happen when Edward came back. Probably because she never thought he would. But if she had taken a moment or two to consider the possibilities, each one would have involved groveling – lots of groveling. Some signs of repentance maybe…A change in his behavior toward their child perhaps. Then she would have forgiven him, and their life would be back on track, chugging toward their own happily ever after. Mommy, Daddy, and baby makes three. Plus the family, of course.

But there was no groveling, no repentance. No excuses were made, no plans for the future. He simply walked in and sat by her feet like he'd been there all along. Except they all knew he hadn't. And that was harder to forgive than Bella would have imagined.

Edward had been home one extremely tense and quiet day when he asked her out on a date.

"No," Rosalie's denial was quick and final.

"I wasn't asking your permission to spend time with my wife, Rosalie." Bella was torn. It'd be nice to get out of the house for a bit and reconnect with her Edward; she had been feeling so much better since she started her blood diet. But she tired easily and Carlisle had her on strict couch-rest. Either choice would be a show of disloyalty to someone she loved.

To go with Edward would show ingratitude to her protector, Rosalie, who had stayed by Bella's side since she landed from their honeymoon from hell. Choosing to stay would be yet another reason for Edward to despise their child; he was no longer the most important being in her world.

"Carlisle said-" Rose objected.

"When have you ever cared about what anyone else said except when it suits your desires?"

"Edward!" Bella chastised. Esme was out on a blood run; someone needed to pick up the slack in the useless chastisement department. Edward continued, ignoring Rose and her previous protests.

"Love, Carlisle has given his full consent. I found a meadow not too far from here that I think you'll love." Edward reached for her hand, which was resting on her supersized baby bump. But before he could make contact, CJ kicked, Bella winced, and Edward dropped any intention of touching her. His topaz eyes continued to plead his case as she mulled over her choices.

"I…I think I'd rather not," Bella said thoughtfully, fighting through the guilt and promising herself she'd make it up to him. Everything would be back to normal – better even – after the baby came. But as Edward's classic mask slid firmly into place, Bella wondered if she'd ever get the chance. She was discovering that he was quite impatient when he wasn't getting his way. _Spoiled_, her mind supplied, but she quickly batted away the ungenerous thought, once again thankful her mind was closed to Edward's power.

"What if something happens?" He was unmoved, so she tried a different approach. "Let's spend time together here. You haven't played for me in a while…We'll have all the time in the world to explore once you change me." His mask never faltered, never cracked. He simply nodded and turned away toward the window. Bella gently rubbed her stomach, reminding herself that he was worth it; CJ was worth all of this drama and so much more. This baby was their miracle; he couldn't be their downfall too. He just couldn't.

Bella was sipping what Emmett had dubbed her Bloody Jane Doe an hour later when Edward finally turned away from the window.

"I had a surprise planned for our outing-" Edward began. Suddenly she was surrounded by vampires, blocking her view of Edward as well as the front door. All of the hissing and growling was putting a serious damper on her bloodbliss.

"Not everyone in the room has super senses, you know," Bella said in a sing-song voice, before closing her eyes, relishing the last dregs of mellow that were quickly slipping through her fingers. The argument shifted to allow for her weak humanity, but apparently continued where they were before her interruption.

"He betrayed us!"

"That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?" This time it was Alice who brushed aside Rosalie's objection as she skipped to her place at Edward's side. Once again the battle lines were drawn. Carlisle was stuck in the middle – if not completely neutral. Bella wondered if the dividing lines had always been so set, so obvious. Was she the rift the tore the once happy family in two? Or was she simply the wedge hammered into an existing crack, parting the sides, until there was a canyon no one was eager to cross?

"Now, Rosalie, we don't know Edward's reason for inviting them yet."

"The hell I don't, Daddy Dearest!" Rosalie objected as Emmett cracked his knuckles and flexed his biceps.

"I say let them come. They've been jonesing for this fight, and I'm dead bored."

"Send them away." Jasper ordered, but Bella noticed he did nothing to calm the atmosphere of the room. Maybe he didn't want to manipulate the outcome. As Edward snarled, Bella watched Jasper drop into a crouch, his back vibrating with his responding growl, and thought that maybe he wasn't in control of his own emotions enough to flood the room with happy juju.

"No wonder you stank to high heaven. If you lay with dogs…"

"Would you be speaking from experience, Rose?" Alice asked sweetly. Emmett took half a step forward, but as Jasper shifted ever so slightly Emmett froze and settled for sneering in the little shit's general direction.

"Hittin' a little low there, aren't you, Ali?" Alice waved aside Jasper's gentle reprimand as easily as she had all his opinions and Bella felt a sting of hurt. She wasn't sure if it was his or her own on his behalf. Either way, it hurt.

Suddenly Bella understood what the fuss was all about. "Jake!" Bella gasped. Edward and Carlisle turned to face her, but couldn't approach through her three personal guards.

"I told you I brought you a surprise." Edward smiled that crooked smile and Bella felt momentarily ashamed of herself for not trusting her husband enough to go on a picnic alone. But then she wondered…

"You brought Jake here?"

"Yes, love." Edward's smile widened as he answered patiently. But it didn't make sense.

"But you hate Jacob. You hate everything about Jake."

"Not everything. He does have his uses…And he's the only person alive who loves you almost as much as I do."

"But why? Why bring him here?" They were far away from Forks. No one would have found them before the baby was born and he turned her. Why bring Jake to her now? They'd already said their final, disastrous goodbye at the wedding reception. Bella knew the blood dulled her senses, but she just couldn't make this make sense, and she couldn't brush aside her concern.

"For you, Bella. I did it for you." Edward oozed sincerity and Jasper hadn't called him out on a lie…He must be telling the truth, she decided. She blushed, fiddling with the little pink umbrella on the side of her cup, ashamed of herself for, yet again, doubting her husband. How many times did he have to prove himself to her? "I will send him away, but I thought you might want to see your best friend."

"Thank you, Edward. Of course I'd love to see Jake." Her response was belated and underwhelming, but he beamed. The guilt eased a bit, now that she had finally made him happy in even the slightest way. "When will he be here?"

"_They're_ already here." Her question was to Edward but Jasper's answer made her hesitate once more.

"They?"

"Of course, love," Edward soothed. "Naturally his pack would not take me at my word. They're only here to make ensure his safe and his good behavior." Emmett snorted, receiving a sharp glare from Rose until he straightened up. "The pack is waiting for us beyond the property line, one mile north. We'll meet them and let them know the plan has changed. Then I'll bring Jake back to see you."

"Like hell you will! I'm staying with her!"

"That is not an option, Rosalie," Carlisle tried to reason. "We already have to explain Esme's absence. Bella will be fine with Edward and Jake."

"No." Rosalie flipped her hair over her shoulder like she hadn't just defied her coven leader.

"Bella," Edward began, but he was staring Rosalie down as he spoke. "Do you trust me and Jacob?"

She hesitated. Bella hadn't meant to, but somewhere between their honeymoon and this moment, she'd lost the blind faith that had defined their relationship so many times. Her knee-jerk urge to reassure and soothe was muted by his distance and her concern for CJ.

"I see." Carlisle cleared his throat. "Edward, you will stay with us and the pack. Can we all agree to let Jacob and Bella have a conversation in private?"

The vampires in the room begrudgingly agreed, except one. Jasper looked to Bella.

"I'll be fine. Jake would never hurt me." She attempted a smile, but she doubted her pitiful effort fooled the empathy. Something was just…off about this whole situation - apart from the supernatural powwow in the woods. Maybe he felt it too. As Jasper slowly nodded, Rose left to refill Bella's cup before they left her alone for the first in weeks. "We'll be fine."

When she heard Jake's steps on the porch not half an hour later, Bella jumped and CJ kicked, startled.

* * *

The heat spiked. She screamed between her gritted teeth until her breath was gone. She locked her body down, wanting to tame the pain, control it.

"You're almost there, girl. Just a bit more. We're going to be fine."

She gasped. Her own naïve words echoed back to her hurt as much as his venom.

* * *

She took a calming breath, a big swig, and gently rubbed slow circles on her abdomen. Jasper was right; her nudger calmed when she did. By the time Jacob opened the door, Bella was ready.

Jake crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella. He examined her carefully, before wrinkling his nose.

"Got a problem with the way I smell?"

"Nah. It's just a habit when I'm near bloodsuckers." I laughed and took a big swig from my cup and he shook his head. "I'm not going to lie, Bells. You're hideous."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm scary looking. Rose even moved the bathroom mirror."

"Thing-from-the-swamp-scary," Jake agreed.

She laughed again. "It's so good having you here. Feels nice to smile. He's only been home for a day, but I don't know how much more drama I can stand."

He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay," Bella agreed. "I bring it on myself."

"Yeah, you do. What're you thinking, Bells? Seriously!"

"Did he ask you to yell at me?"

"Sort of. Though I can't figure out why he'd think you'd listen to me. You never have before."

She sighed.

"I told you-"

"Did you know that _'I told you so'_ has a brother, Jacob?" she asked, cutting Jake off. "His name is _'Shut the hell up'_."

"Good one."

Bella grinned, her skin stretching tight over bones. He couldn't hide his shock. This wasn't the same girl he'd danced with not that long ago. "I can't take credit- I got it off of a rerun of _The Simpsons_."

They didn't talk for a minute. She took a sip thoughtfully.

"Did he really ask you to talk to me?"

Jake nodded uncomfortably. "To talk some sense into you. There's a battle lost before it even starts."

"So why did you agree?"

He didn't answer.

It'll work out, you know," she said after a quiet minute. "I believe that."

Jake tensed. "Is dementia one of your symptoms?" He snapped.

She laughed lazily; he clenched his shaking hands.

"Maybe," she sighed dreamily. "I'm not saying things will work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic?"

"_Magic_?"

"Well, my in-laws are vampires and I'm having a conversation with a werewolf. So, yeah. Magic."

He growled. She wasn't taking this seriously. She wasn't taking _him _seriously- not that she ever had. Jacob jabbed a finger toward her swollen belly. "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of _you_ loving _him_? When you die-" the words were a snarl- "how is that ever right again? What's the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care about that." She flinched, but Jacob kept going mercilessly. "So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is _any _sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."

She sighed. "I don't know yet, Jake. Bit I just…feel…that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I guess you could call it _faith_."

"You're dying for _nothing_, Bella! Nothing!"

Her hand dropped to her bloated stomach, caressing it. She didn't have to say the words aloud for Jacob to understand. She was dying for it.

"I'm not going to die," she said through gritted teeth, repeating things she'd said before – too many times to count.

"That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough, and no amount of faith can change that." As Jacob took her face in his hand he didn't have to remind himself to be gentle. Everything about her screamed _breakable_.

"I can do this. I can do this," she muttered, closing her eyes and pulling away from the heat of his touch.

"Doesn't look like it to me." Jacob released her face and sat back. "Remember when I got mangled by those newborns? What did you tell me?" She refused to answer; she pressed her lips together. "You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire doc. For you."

"You listened because it was the right thing to do."

"Okay- pick either reason."

Bella took a deep breath. "It's not the right thing now." Her gaze touched her rounded stomach and she whispered under her breath, "I won't kill him."

Jake's hands shook again. She didn't want to hurt him, but she'd made her decision. Why couldn't he understand? "Oh I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons."

She blushed a pretty shade of pink, and he had to look away. "I don't know he's a boy for sure," she admitted a little sheepish. "The ultrasound wouldn't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard- like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head."

"It's not some pretty baby in there, Bella."

"We'll see," she said. Almost smug.

"You won't," Jake snarled.

"You're very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a chance I'll walk away from this."

Jacob couldn't answer. He looked down and breathed deep and slow, trying to get a grip on his fury.

"Jake," Bella said. She patted his hair and stroked his cheek. "It's going to be okay. Shh. It's okay."

He didn't look up. "No. It will not be okay."

She wiped a tear from his face and felt her own eyes welling up. Maybe they both had a masochistic streak. Why else would they keep coming back together when all they did was hurt each other? There was no love or comfort to be found here anymore. But he'd come so far, and she'd already hurt him so much. She couldn't dismiss him. "Shhh."

"What's the deal, Bella?" Jacob stared at the pale caret. His feet were dirty and left smudges, but she was sure Esme could get them out. It'd give her something productive to do. "I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense." She wanted to object – explain that Edward had been the one to give her and CJ up – but Jacob continued without a pause. "Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?"

She sighed. "You don't understand. I didn't really care about having a baby. But, well, _this _baby…he's mine."

"It's a killer, Bella. Look at yourself."

"He is not! It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake. I can-"

"Aw, come on! Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to the bloodsuckers but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it."

Bella glared at him. "No, I don't know that. And neither do you. I'm worried about it, sure."

"Worried about it," he repeated through his teeth. Bella gasped then, clutching her stomach. Jake wilted, the heat of his fury dosed with his concern.

"I'm fine," she panted. "It's nothing."

But Bella's hands had pulled her sweatshirt to the side, and I stared, horrified, at the skin it exposed. Her stomach looked like it was stained with big splotches of purple-black ink. Bella saw his stare, read his disgust, and yanked her shirt back in place.

"He's strong, that's all," she said defensively, rubbing the skin the little one had just bruised.

"Bella," she heard the change in his voice. She looked up, still breathing heavy, her eyes confused and his half crazed. "Bella, don't do this."

"Jake-"

"Listen to me. Don't get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if…?"

"What if what?" She asked warily.

"What if this wasn't a one-shot deal? What if it wasn't all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl and kept yourself alive?"

"I won't-"

"I'm not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn't work out. Try again."

She frowned. She sat her cup down carefully on the floor beside the couch and then touched the place where Jake's eyebrows were mashed together. Her fingers smoothed his forehead for a moment while she tried to make sense of it.

"I don't understand…What do you mean, try again? You can't think Edward would let me…?" She shook her head. Edward and her were far from that position, baby or no. "And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby-"

"Yes," he snapped. "Any kid _of his_ would be the same."

"What?" Bella was tired and so very confused. What the hell was he talking about? She looked to Jacob, but he'd clammed up. Any baby of his…So, what? Adoption? Bring a human child into a household of vampires? How was that better? Or were they thinking something more clinical yet personal…

"Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination?" She was pissed now. "Why would I want to have some stranger's baby when I've been blessed with my own _here_." She embraced her rounded stomach tenderly. "I suppose you think it doesn't make a difference. Any baby will do?"

"I didn't mean that," Jake muttered. "Not a stranger."

Bella suddenly leaned away from him. "Then what are you saying?" It couldn't be…

"Nothing. I'm saying nothing. Same as ever." But it wasn't nothing. And this sick plan wasn't Jake.

"Where did that come from?"

"Forget it, Bella."

She frowned, suspicious. "Did _he_ tell you to say that?"

Jacob hesitated, surprised she'd made the leap so quickly. "No…"

"He did, didn't he?" The son of a bitch.

"No, really. He didn't say anything about artificial whatever." Which did surprise her, because a doctor's son would have access to more procedural information than studs. Shifting her eyes almost unwillingly to Jacob, she thought, _Then again, maybe not._ Did he offer Jacob a fee or was the sex supposed to be payment enough? She shuddered, suddenly feeling dirty. How humiliating.

She sank back, exhausted. Too drained to feel the hurt she knew would come over this latest betrayal. Edward could not change, and he would never respect her or her decisions. Then she remembered Jacob sitting next to her, for once on the same team as Edward. "I know he loves me," she stared off to the side, saying the only words she could manage. "But what is he thinking? That I would trade this"- her hand traced across her belly – "for some stranger's…"she trailed off.

She could hear Jacob pleading, but she was done listening. Her child would never be safe here. But she couldn't exactly run. Where would she go where they could deliver such a unique child? Italy briefly flitted through her mind but she swatted that thought away. She wouldn't be venturing on that continent until she was immortal. So she had to stay…She'd just cling tighter to Jasper and Rose and Emmett. And after CJ came, she'd run as fast and as far as she could. She just had to make it a little longer…

"None of this makes any difference does it?"

She sighed. "I wish I could explain it to you so that you would understand. I can't hurt him-" she pointed to her stomach "-anymore than I could take a gun and shoot you. I love him."

"Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?"

"I don't think I do," she said, although she wasn't so convinced of that anymore. But Jake didn't need to hear her doubts. He'd just use them against her.

He cleared his throat. "Trust me. You do. Just do the right thing, Bells."

"The right thing? And what would that be, Jake?

"Whatever leaves you warm with a pulse at the end of the day." Jacob started getting to his feet.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not doing any good here. He was stupid to think I could." There was a time she would have begged him to stay; now all she wanted was him gone. They'd hurt each other enough for a lifetime. "I don't belong here. I've got to get back before they come searching for me."

"I'm surprised the pack ventured so far from home just for little old me."

Jake snorted. "They didn't. They're here for me." Jake stretched, stifling a yawn as he explained. "Things have been pretty quiet since the bloodsuckers skipped town. Everyone wanted to stretch their legs a bit. But no worries. We left the young ones behind to keep watch over the rez." There was a time she would have asked questions - Which young ones? Had more phased? Had anyone else imprinted? – but she didn't have the desire to ask or the right to answers anymore.

"Will you come back again? Before you go home?"

"I'm not going to hang around and watch you die, Bella."

She flinched. "You're right, you're right. You should go."

"He headed for the door and she said her final goodbye. "Bye," she whispered as a single tear slid down her cheek for what they had both lost. "Love you, Jake."

"Sure, sure," he mumbled. The screen door hadn't latched when Bella heard the first ragged howl rent the air.

* * *

Jasper winced. He may not be able to read her thoughts, but he'd been following her emotions as she burned. He had a pretty good idea where her mind was right now. Pacifying her would do no good.

She was on her path and he'd follow where she led.

He owed her that much.

* * *

Jasper absorbed the nerves, the anticipation and the fear, the hatred and anger, from those around him and let the calm roll from his body like smoke from a Lucky Strike. Gentle and easy, his manufactured peace saturated the volatile air until it clung to the wolves and vampires alike, forcing them to sample his toxins. It was only fair; he had no choice about partaking in theirs.

The stand-off was silent. He wondered if Edward had already brokered this uneasy truce, or if the dogs were waiting on a signal from their Alpha. Sam stood, front and center, determined and grim but not particularly impatient. Jasper searched the ranks for Seth's eagerness or Leah's overwhelming bitterness, but found them both missing. _Curious._ But the wolves outnumbered his family two-to-one, so he wasn't going to complain about a few missing.

Longing tinged with a sweet sadness touched him, familiar yet new in the standoff. Before he could locate the source, Alice skipped over and hooked her arm through his. He should be thrilled; it was the first physical contact she'd initiated in over a month. But he couldn't focus on her until he found the source of the new blend.

Alice easily lifted herself by her grip on his arm, until she her mouth was level with his ear. She ran the tip of her moist tongue around the shell of his ear and threw a boatload of lust his way. "Why don't we go hunting, Jazz?"

He paused. She frowned. He'd never paused before, never hesitated when it came to possessing her. Jasper was always so thankful for every scrap she offered and so eager to show it. But he was missing something. His long buried instincts were shaking off their hibernation, prickling along his spine in warning.

_Bella._

Edward's possessive anger hit Jasper at the same time the mystery feelings stopped cold. "Perhaps you should attend to your wife and leave the care of mine to me." Shocked, Jasper looked down at Alice who felt betrayed, but not surprised. His guilt stayed his tongue. He admitted, if only to himself, that Edward was partially right. Alice had always come first.

Jasper looked to Rose who was watching the scene from the sidelines, while keeping a tight leash on Em, who seemed eager to start a fight they couldn't win without shedding venom and lives. "Go on, Jay. Emmett and I will be heading home as soon as the mutt reunites with his litter."

Jasper would bet his right hand, Edward was up to something. Luckily Eddie boy was predictable. He would wait until things settled and everyone dropped their guard. They still had at least a month until the tadpole was due, by Carlisle's best guestimation. He'd just have to be on his guard from now on.

But first, a little alone time with the wife would suit him just fine.

* * *

His biggest mistake was his pride.

His biggest regret – Alice.

* * *

**AN 2.0: You probably recognized a chunk of this chap from Breaking Dawn, chapter 10. I've tried to stick as close as possible to canon up to this point, only twisting small bits and adding a few 'what-ifs'. From here on out though, we'll be riding this crazy train off the tracks. Hope you stick it out to the end. **

**Reviews equal lovin'. Even mean ones. So hit the button please! **


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